How to deal with islamophobic parents?

Assalamualaikum dear Sister,

It’s truly inspiring that you have found peace and love in Islam despite the challenges you’re facing. Your situation is difficult, but please know that Allah sees your struggles and sincerity, and He does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear (Qur’an 2:286). You are doing your best under the circumstances, and that itself is an act of worship. I just want to take a moment to remind you how incredibly strong and inspiring you are…. Choosing Islam, especially at a young age and in a non-supportive environment, is not easy. Yet, Allah has guided you, and that means He sees something special in you. Your journey is not a mistake—it’s part of His perfect plan. Even when you feel alone, Allah is closer to you than your own heartbeat (Qur’an 50:16).You are not the first revert to struggle with hiding their faith, and you won’t be the last. Many others have walked this path and, over time, found peace and ways to practice more openly. Your struggle is temporary, but the rewards Allah has for you are everlasting.

Since you can only fast while at school, here are other ways you can engage in worship and make the most of this blessed month. Even if you cannot practice outwardly, having the sincere intention to follow Islam to the best of your ability counts greatly. Prayer (Salah): If you cannot pray openly, try to pray in private when possible. If that is not possible, you can still make du’a (supplication) and remember Allah in your heart.  Qur’an & Dhikr: Read or listen to the Qur’an when you can. If you cannot have a physical copy, use an app. Even reading a verse or two daily brings blessings. Kindness as Worship: Being kind, patient, and forgiving is a form of ibadah (worship). Treating your parents well, despite their views, is also a way to earn reward. Sadaqah (Charity): Even small acts of kindness, like helping someone or making du’a for others, count as charity. Taraweeh & Extra Prayers:;If you cannot go to the masjid, pray extra voluntary prayers at home, even if they are short.


  Even if you can’t openly participate in fasting, prayer, or dressing modestly, Ramadan is about your “Heart”. Since you can fast at school, make your niyyah (intention) every morning before sunrise, even if you can’t eat Suhoor ( the meal eaten before dawn during Ramadan). If you have to break your fast at home for safety reasons, don’t feel guilty. Islam is not meant to cause hardship. Just do your best, and Allah will reward your efforts. Since you can’t dress or act outwardly Muslim, focus on showing Islamic values through your actions….Be kind, patient, and honest. Help your family. Even if they don’t support your faith, serving them is an act of worship. Stay calm if they criticize Islam. This is hard, but responding with patience instead of arguing shows the beauty of your faith. Du’a is powerful. Even if you can’t pray openly, talk to Allah in your heart throughout the day. Whisper your hopes, struggles, and dreams to Him. You can do Silent Dhikr: As you walk, sit in class, or lie in bed, silently say:


SubhanAllah (Glory be to Allah)
Alhamdulillah (All praise be to Allah)
Allahu Akbar (Allah is the Greatest)
La ilaha illa Allah (There is no god but Allah)
 Use an app or website to read even one verse a day from Qur’an. If reading is risky, listen with headphones.

Reflect on its meaning ; quality matters more than quantity. If praying openly isn’t safe, you can still make wudu and sit in a quiet place, imagining yourself standing before Allah. Even raising your hands in du’a is a form of worship.


Eid is meant to be a joyful occasion, and even if you can’t celebrate openly, you can still make it special.Wake up early and make a special du’a. Wear something nice, even if it’s just a clean outfit that makes you feel good.Eat something sweet in the morning, like chocolate or fruit. This follows the Sunnah of the Prophet ( SAW).Listen to Eid Takbir online (if safe). Even whispering Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, La ilaha illa Allah in your heart connects you to the global Muslim community. 


Your safety and well-being come first. If openly practicing Islam puts you at risk of emotional or physical harm, it’s okay to keep your faith private for now. Show Islam through your actions—being kind, respectful, and helpful can change their perceptions over time. Avoid Confrontation, If they bring up Islam in a negative way, try to remain calm and not engage in arguments. If possible, introduce Islamic values in a way that aligns with what they already appreciate (e.g., talking about kindness, justice, generosity). If you can connect with other Muslim reverts online or in a safe space, it may help you feel less alone.


Don’t be too hard on yourself. Allah knows your situation and will reward your efforts. Make lots of du’a. Ask Allah to make things easier and to soften your parents’ hearts. Trust that things will improve. Your circumstances may be challenging now, but in time, you may find more opportunities to practice freely. It’s painful to feel like you must hide your faith, especially from the people who raised you. But remember: Allah knows your struggle, and He rewards your patience. Allah knows your heart, and intention matters more than visibility. If possible, find common ground: If they value kindness, charity, or family, remind them that Islam teaches those same values.


You are already doing so much. Allah sees your efforts, and even the smallest acts of worship count. Hardship now will lead to ease later. Many reverts face struggles early on but later find freedom and support. Your future as a practicing Muslim will be much easier. Allah understands your pain. If you ever feel like crying because you can’t fully practice, know that every tear is seen, and every struggle will be rewarded.


This is only the beginning. You will look back on this one day and see how You have reached. You Are Stronger Than You Think. You are not weak for struggling. You are incredibly strong for holding onto your faith despite the difficulties.


Even though you are practicing in secret, you are still a full Muslim. Your heart belongs to Allah, and nothing can take that away from you. Continue practicing Islam in your heart and actions.Be patient and strategic—sometimes, softening their view of Islam before revealing your faith helps.Make du’a for their hearts to change. Many reverts have had parents who were once opposed but later became supportive.


You are not doing anything wrong by keeping it a secret for now. Allah knows your situation, and He will reward your patience. There will come a time when you can practice freely, and that day will be worth the wait. May Allah bless you, protect you, and make your path easy. 


Warm regards,

Your Sister in Islam,  

“Fatima MV”

Salaam my sweet sister,
  
 Masha’Allah, it is amazing to read about how you accepted Islam at such a young age! Not everyone can say the same, and from your post, I feel that you care deeply about your faith, and I find that truly admirable. May Allah continue to fill your heart with His love, Ameen!

This is an extremely tough situation to be in as you cannot comfortably express your new Islamic identity to your parents. Many people are in the dark when it comes to Islam, and sometimes the hatred they show is because they don’t know anything about it. Our character speaks first when it comes to Islam, and maybe if your parents start to notice you taking extra care around the house, looking out for other family members, and being extra kind and courteous to others, they may begin to wonder about the change. It could lead to a conversation about Islam as their hearts could soften towards it. I’ve heard revert stories of their family members who became Muslim this way. A family member of mine became Muslim later in life, she too was afraid of telling her family and so she wrote a letter to her parents. While you know your family situation best, this could also be a possibility.

If it helps, think of your faith as a seed that has been planted, right now the seed has cracked open and a little sprout has begun to grow. Look after it, give it time, water, and light and through patience, time, love and care, you may develop the courage to spark a conversation with your parents. Or if you feel more comfortable with one parent, this conversation may present itself. It will not be easy at first, but it is part of your growing journey. Remember that whatever struggle you make for Allah, He certainly sees it. None of your efforts will go to waste. Allah guided your heart towards Islam, He sees the potential in you.

Here is a helpful link for resources for reverts: https://yaqeeninstitute.ca/convert-resources

May Allah give you the strength to express your Islamic identity freely and confidently. May He continue to guide you and those who you love, ameen.

All the best,

Your Sister in Faith

Peer Support Volunteer NL

Dear sister, Asalam Aleikom,


May Allah shower His light and  love on you, comfort, support and guidance you and may He makes the challenges you face easy for you. I pray that you will feel carried, know you are not alone. 


I am so happy to hear that you have found Allah, that Allah has found you! I pray for you that you may feel the love and compassion the best Helper and protector has for you. And whenever you feel alone, I hope you He makes you aware of his nearness to you, He is even closer than your jugular vain. Dear sister, I remeber when Allah found me, connect with me and I came aware of his guidance. I was about your age and my family, especialy my father was very anti-religious. This brings in complexity in several layers. Maybe you can relate to the feeling that once you have met Allah, experienced Him, this can not been unseen (even if you have not “seen” Him in the traditional meaning). And more importantly, I absolutly did not want to. It brought me feelings, joy and happyness that I could not inmagine exist, coming from a non religious enviroment. At the same time, I did not mean to displease my family, dissapoint them or feel the contempt I felt about this essential part in my life..my being. Nor did I liked the sentiment towards Allah. It sometimes made me sad not being able to share this uge part in existence itself as well and to touch upon another  layer, I also want the best for my family in this life and the next. I do love them very much and never stopped asking Allah to connect with them as well, guide them, give them the best. I know that anything is possible for Allah, I will add your parents to this dua as well. 


Know that Allah tells us to be good and respectful to our parents and family. He also teaches us in the Quran that no one can stand in the way of us pleasing him, serving him, getting to know him. Not even our parents. He grants us permission to take  a form of distance from them if this means we can honour him. I pray that Allah will help and guide you to find a fitting balance that is good for you and your relationship with Allah. I hope that you will be released from hardness of feelings of guilt or any other feeling that you are struggling with.


Furthermore I hope to give you some hope by saying that after many years, my parents/part of my family finally came to terms with me being religious (oke, hmm come to terms…..Read: they sort of given up that this is a part that they can influence…but I will take it!). We have found a new balamce in our relationship. They do not completly understand it, or like it but Alhamdiloelah we are at a good place together now and sometimes a tiny curiosity or interest to Allah enters the room (again…very tiny but I take it ;). It asked for a firm consistent belief, staying standfast in religion for a long time. And I deserve no credits for that, I mean it, this is all Allah’s work of mercy. I prayed and still pray for Allah to never let me go, not even for a blink of an eye, and I can truthfully say that I consider myself as one of the richest/ wealthiest, most happy person in this world for Him granting me my dua. Sweet sisterI pray that Allah makes it easy for you to stay standfast in religion, that he will never let you go, not even for a blink of an eye. 


I wish for you to not feel alone. If you do, focus on Allah with dikhr or any other way that works for you to bring your heart to him. You know, sometimes, Allah isolates certain people (for a while) just so that we can come closer to him. Like stars are easier to notice in the dark. Hold on sweet sister. Allah is all seeing, all hearing, all knowing and I have absolute faith that He sees your intentions and struggles for this Ramadan, he knows your heart. You finding your way to honour Him during this Ramadan in your situation is an act of worship in itself. 


I tried to list some practical tips on what you can do in Ramadan to bring you closer to Allah and benefit from this mont as much as possible, hoping maybe 1 or 2 things will be benificial to you:


If you can, connect to other Muslims, maybe at school or online as much as possible
Even if you do not fast yourself it can be a nice way to eat a date to connect with our umah arround iftar time (people who can not fast due to ilness often do this as well)
Watch online lectures (e.g. Dr. Omar Suleiman has a Ramadan series, 1 episode each day, about 12-15 minutes), do dikhr, make dua, read Quran or listen to it on your phone. Do a good deed (remember, giving someone a warm smile is already a good deed that Allah loves).
Remember Ramadan is more than fasting, the goal is to get closer to Allah, so all the above and your efforts will be seen by Allah, the most merciful, the most compassionate.


Lastly I do not know your parents and how open they are. But I hope that you and them can get closer to each other as well. Maybe, if they are open to it, the can find peace when they see how happy Allah makes you. I am so sorry that so many people have so much fear for Islam. A lot is caused by the sentiment people hear all over in combination with a lack of knowledge. Maybe it can comfort your parents if they know that the grant majority of Muslims life in harmony, and we come in all forms and sizes 😉 (that to surrender to the most loving, living in harmony with God, yourself and the world around you is actually the meaning of the word Muslim). Maybe there can even be a teacher or a volunteer from a local mosque that is willing to help you with a conversation with your parents, sharing what it means for you, reducing some fear by giving information about Islam….but if this is a bridge that needs some more stones we will just ask Allah to save up more stones. I do want to share with you that I am a mother now myself of a teenage son. And to be honest, the heart of the parent can be weak and easily afraid because we love our children so dearly. I might not fear Islam….but anything else that concerns my son…it can be scary and I can get easily very concerned.  I really love and appreciate if my son calms my heart and reassure me that he is safe, happy etc. As well as sometime explain to me what or who it is he engages with, or make me understand wy somethings are important to him. If he for example mention that he would engage in an activity where alchol and drugs are forbidden, he found happiness, peace and purpose I would be very pleased and very open to hear more about that, whatever it is ;). Sometimes comforting the parents heart together with Allah’s help can open things we cannot inmagine. Again, with Allah everything is possible :).


Sweet sister, once again know that Allah will reward your intentions, sees your struggle, knows your heart. He is the best hleper. You are not alone, you have me, our Ummah on your side wich all is nothing compared to Allah that is on your side as a believer. You will never be alone (Hasbana Allah Wanimal, Wakil).

From,

Your Sister in Islam