My mother committed Zina, and my father would like me to treat my mother the same despite this.

Salamu Alaikum. I’m a 15 year old Pakistani male living in the United States. My family is semi-religious, we dont pray as much as we should, but we’re very close to our Islamic values and adhere to almost all Islamic laws. We fast during Ramadan, we give zakaat and sadaqa, and we’ve gone for Umrah twice now alhamdulillah. While I didnt have an overtly islamic upbringing, I’m close to the faith and I am proud of it. My mother, born in a very religious Pakistani household in [a US city – specifics redacted for anonymity] and brought up in [redacted*] and my father, born [redacted*] in Pakistan, were both brought up in a very islamic fashion. My naani brought up my sister, cousins, and I in a religious fashion, but the American school system and one of the least diverse counties in the state [redacted*] made us a little more distant than we should be with our faith. But alhamdulillah, as I’ve said, I’m proud of my faith and heritage.

Here’s some background information: throughout my whole life, my father’s been… different. Hes usually happy and caring and approachable, but when he becomes upset (which happens very easily), he gets quiet. Regardless of who pissed him off, regardless of the severity of the situation, he gets quiet for at least one week. What I mean by this is that he stops talking to people unless hes spoken to, or unless there is a dire need to discuss something, and when he does talk he’s not in a good mood. When he’s no longer upset he gradually gets more chatty again, and before you know it it’s as nothing ever happened.

The typical reason why my father gets quiet is because of something I did (by no means am I a troublesome kid, alhamdulillah I’m a good person but I do stupid things sometimes and disobey my parents a decent amount of the time), or if he and my mother have had a dispute. Typically he is the one in the wrong when it comes to the latter, or so I’ve been told.

I would like to clarify that by no means is my father physically abusive, and I would argue that he’s not mentally abusive either (though when he gets quiet, it used to hurt a lot but now I’ve become numb to it). My parents almost filed for divorce in my early childhood, then again in 2018 then again in 2023, but it’s never happened before as I’ve never wanted it. But now a new issue has risen and I’m not only okay with a divorce between my parents but I would actually prefer that over my parents being together.

Yesterday I had noted that neither of my parents were home and they both left without any foreclosure as to why they left the house. When my mother arrived home again, she was in her pajamas and was crying. She went straight upstairs. I asked her about this and she said “nothing baita, your baba and I just have some problems, thats all.” I wasn’t shocked by this in the slightest because like I said I’ve gotten used to this happening at least once or twice a month. I asked my mother if this was one of those occurrences again (as I ask her every single time) and she said “no, and I’m not talking about this with you further until baba comes back home.” And so I waited. And waited. And waited. Three hours later my father still hadnt returned, he was still in the parking lot where he and my mother allegedly talked, and according to my mother, “baba was still taking time to process this and by the time he comes home it wont be processed.”

I was getting worried so I called my father and told him “Look baba I dont know whats going on between you and mama but I just want you to know that I am here for both of you. May I please sit next to you and we can talk or I can just sit in silence and be there for you?” He responded, “I’d love that baita, yes I am coming to pick you up and we can chat.”

When I got in the car, my father began to weep. Very hard. I had never seen him cry, or show any strong emotion before. He’s the most macho guy I know, he’s muscular and tall and just masculine in general.
And he was crying as much as a baby.

He said “you will always remember that on February 1st, 2025, you saw your baba cry for the first time. Baita, your entire life Ive been a strict father and Ive been so terrible by getting quiet and ignoring you. I remember instances where I would get quiet with you when you were just a little kid, there are specific instances from when you were two and seven years old and whenever I think about them I cry like I am now and look at photos of you when you were that age.” He proceeded to tell me about those instances and I told him that I wanted to be a man instead of a boy and hes the best dad I could ever ask for because hes not strict by any means and he could be a lot worse. Upon hearing this he pulled me in for a hug and said “I love you baita and you are indeed a man now.”

I then asked him “I’m not asking for specifics, all I’m asking is, is the next step couples therapy between you and mama for whatever this is?” He responded “baita its hard to say right now, we’re most likely going to start therapy and begin splitting our assets too, but divorce isn’t imminent as of now.” I said “I will be by yours and mamas side throughout this all” and he pulled me in for a hug again.

However, here is where things made a DRASTIC change. He said “Baita, this is as bad as it can get, it really is.” As his eyes welled up with tears again, he looked at me, pleaded me not to tell my sister or my mother that I knew, and said “Baita, your mama cheated on me” and started bawling again.

I was shocked to the core. My mother, my sweet mother who belongs to one of the founding families of [redacted], was apparently committing Zina with a Hindu who lives in India, who himself had a wife and young-adult children, that she met in an online certification class with [redacted*]

My mother, who visited the house of Allah SWT in [redacted*], was apparently doing Du’a to “make this stop because I love him and I’m not supposed to love him so why did you even put me in this situation Ya Allah?” My mother, who cares so much for her career, used a business trip as an excuse to link up with her Indian boyfriend several nights in a row. My mother, who who stated to us multiple times that she was fine with two kids, could possibly be three or four weeks pregnant with my bastard half sibling. My mother, who grounded me for a few months because I got caught in a relationship with a girl (which was nothing more than hugs and holding hands and “i love yous” and is of course still haram and is now done as i am trying to focus on islam, the gym and my grades), was doing something that could get her stoned to death back home. My mother, who always scolds me for being on my phone for too long, was clocking 6 hours a day on snapchat to talk to this man, to send him photos, to call him and tell him about our family and how much she hates my father.

My mother committed Zina. My mother committed Zina. My mother committed Zina.

My father told me everything, about his initial suspicions, about his thoughts when my mother confirmed those suspicions, about his mental state because of this, and about the several phone calls he made and would make proceeding to this. He first told my aunt [redacted*] who was cheated on twice by my uncle, then my Aunt [redacted*] (who he didnt really talk to before so he figured she would be the least biased, who is my moms other brothers wife), then my Uncle since my Aunt told him, and then his sister. [redacted*] All of them gave him great advice for the next steps. He then told me and asked me not to tell anyone. I said “wallahi I will not tell any family members” and he said “no friends or anonymously online either,” to which i just said “okay.” As i didnt say wallahi to the second and third terms, here I am now.

My father also told me to never treat my mom differently because of this, nor am I allowed to tell her that I know or even imply that I know. She is my mother, she held me in her stomach for 8 months, held me in her arms for 6 years, and will forever hold me in her heart. But my father has always been the black sheep of the family. Being quiet is his way of coping with sadness, anger, or disappointment and my family has always given him shit for it, and my mother would brainwash me into thinking its mental abuse. And I believed it for ages. But as I got older I became more understanding for his reasons and gave him space, and he gradually became better and better with me. I dolt my dad that I am entirely on his side, regardless of my mothers BS excuses for her reasoning (I’m assuming its because she didnt feel loved), and even told him that if this came to divorce court that I would tell the judge I would prefer him to have full custody of me.

My father keeps giving me his gratitude for being on his side. He told me that for the sake of my sister and I, he and my mom will stay together until my sister completes her Undergrad (since she is the younger sibling and graduates in 2034). Then, as soon as my sister and I can entirely sustain ourselves, my parents will split up, unless they figure things out. but in the meantime, the only rule is treat your mother the exact same way.

I dont think this is right. My mother hurt my father in an unimaginable way. I’ve never seen him cry so much, let alone so often. When I was little I would come to his room crying when I was sad, and now he comes to my room crying because of this. And hes sacrificing his mental health, his sanity and his livelihood for my sister and I.

My mother has displayed guilt, but not overtly thoguh she has weeped a lot. Currently my grandparents from my fathers side are visiting us from Pakistan, and they are enraged, and they have no plans to speak with my mother ever again.

I honestly just want to disown my mom, but I feel so sad to see her cry and I will always feel for her. My mom loves my sister and I (and probably my father too despite this). I think the right thing to do is stop celebrating her and stop entrusting her with stuff and go to my father instead, but I dont know. What should I do?

Response from a “Fatima Counsellor”:

From your friend at Stones to Bridges:

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