My friend betrayed me
My (22F) story is so unique it feels like it could only happen to someone like me. I’ve never met anyone who’s gone through anything remotely similar.
In Norway, when ordering a SIM card with a subscription, a great credit score is essential. The system allows someone to purchase a SIM card under their name for another person if they can’t qualify on their own. I did this for my ex-friend because she couldn’t get one due to her low credit score. She was living with her abusive brother at the time, who hid food from her, forced her to free bleed during her period, and subjected her to unimaginable cruelty.
We were long distance friends (we met in high school), but I wanted to help her escape his abuse. She struggled to find a job without a phone number, so I stepped in. I said she could use my phone number, and when recruiters called, I turned on my phone speaker called her on my iPad via telegram so she could speak to them. Eventually, she landed a job.
Even though I wasn’t in a good place financially, I sent her money whenever I could, bought her period care products, and shipped her necessities. I wanted to help her depend on me instead of her brother. Despite not having much, I splurged on her and reassured her she could trust me. I offered her a SIM card under my name, the SIM card was her last step toward independence, and we agreed that she’d pay for it herself.
Things were fine until April of 2024, when my life fell apart. I was deeply depressed and feeling suicidal, failing my classes, and stuck in a toxic home environment. I couldn’t keep my promises to her, and when she called, I lied and said I hadn’t seen her messages because I couldn’t admit how bad things were.
Instead of understanding, she turned it into a two hour fight. She accused me of being untrustworthy and equated me to her ex-friends who had lied to her. When I tried to explain or empathize, she labeled me as manipulative because I knew “the right thing to say”, or saying that I’m gaslighting her when I simply asked her if she could repeat her question because I was zoning out and was so scared
The final straw was when she asked if I had lied about seeing her tattoo. Her tattoo symbolized freedom from abuse, and I felt so guilty for not celebrating it that I admitted to lying. That opened the floodgates for even more attacks. She asked if I was a liar by default and made me question everything about myself.
I froze during the fight, overwhelmed and terrified. She left me broken, and after it ended, she disappeared. She blocked me, erased me from her life, and abandoned the financial responsibility of the SIM card under my name.
Her betrayal ruined my credit score and left me dealing with consequences (till this day) I didn’t deserve. At the time, I was financially illiterate and just trying to help a friend escape abuse. Instead, I was repaid with cruelty, abandonment, and financial ruin.
For months, I saw myself as a liar because of her words. It took everything in me to rebuild, and while I believe in forgiveness, I can’t find it in my heart for her. For the first time in my life, I made dua against someone, asking Allah to hold her accountable.
I don’t think I was a doormat in this situation. What I did, I did because I was desperate to help a friend in need who was barely hanging on due to the severity of her circumstances. This kind of service is so common within families in Norway, and I wasn’t aware it could harm me financially if the other party didn’t uphold their commitments.
Now that it’s been almost a year, I’m reclaiming my narrative. I carry no burden of feeling like the financial betrayal was my fault, it’s entirely hers. I trusted her, and she betrayed me. She spoke about integrity and claimed to value honesty during our fight, but her actions failed to align with those values. Integrity isn’t something you abandon just because you feel someone isn’t worthy of it or because they’ve tested you.
When I reflect on this, I realize how much better I am as a person compared to her and how much of her own faults she projected onto me. I’ve lived in alignment with my values, even when life made it difficult. For instance, I value respect in communication, and even when my mom disrespects me (something she does often) I disengage rather than crossing the line. On the rare occasions I snap, I feel immense guilt because it doesn’t align with who I am.
I carry a lot of pain, and lately, I’ve had dreams that make me question if I’m a bad person and if I deserved what happened. But I try to counteract those thoughts by reminding myself that I am an amazing friend (even though I struggle with believing it), what I did for her went above and beyond. It’s rare to find people who will support you through every means possible, yet I did that for her, always staying within my limits and without burning myself out.
It’s also rare to find people who will hold onto relationships and nurture them, even when life gets challenging. So many let hardships dictate how they treat others, but I held onto our bond and continued to show up despite my own struggles and the abusive household I lived in. I try to remind myself of this to avoid spiraling into fears about the future.
I worry that because of this friendship, a future friend might abandon me if I make a mistake or that a husband might want to divorce me if I’m not perfect. But I try to ground myself by acknowledging my strength, loyalty, and commitment and it hasn’t been helping me as much.
Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum my dear Sister
First, I wanted to acknowledge that you’ve endured a lot in this situation, and it’s clear how deeply you cared for your friend and went above and beyond to help her, even at a high personal cost. It’s understandable to feel betrayed, hurt, and even question your worth after such an experience, especially when you are vulnerable and seeking support yourself. Your kindness and selflessness are evident, and the fact that you’re reflecting on these events shows your emotional maturity and strength. I want to acknowledge the immense emotional pain and conflict you’ve experienced. Your story reflects a deep sense of empathy, generosity, and resilience, even in the face of personal and financial hardship.
It’s natural to feel betrayed, hurt, and even doubt your worth after what happened. These feelings don’t make you weak or flawed; they’re a response to someone violating the trust you extended in good faith. You cared deeply and acted with the best intentions, which speaks to your character, not your shortcomings.
Your ex-friend’s reaction during the fight may have stemmed from her unresolved trauma and pain. People who have endured abuse often carry scars that affect how they perceive relationships. This doesn’t excuse her behavior but might help you, it was more about her struggles than about you. You did an extraordinary thing by helping her when she was in need. However, it’s also essential to recognize that even acts of kindness have boundaries. Your actions were rooted in compassion, but her failure to uphold her end of the agreement doesn’t diminish your integrity. Moving forward, reflecting on boundaries in relationships may help protect your emotional and financial well-being. You’ve carried guilt for too long, but it’s important to remind yourself that you are not a liar or a bad person. The weight of her accusations does not define you. You were struggling and did your best in a tough situation.
Consider writing a letter to your ex-friend (without sending it) to express all the emotions you’re holding. This can help release the weight of unspoken feelings. Journaling, therapy, or engaging in mindfulness practices can also provide relief. If you feel comfortable, consider speaking to a counselor or therapist for additional support. They can provide a safe space to process your feelings and develop tools to navigate trust and relationships in the future.
It’s natural to worry about future relationships after experiencing betrayal. Healing takes time, and you can start by gradually allowing yourself to trust again, beginning with small interactions. Reflect on what you value in relationships and use these experiences to set boundaries that feel safe for you. Surround yourself with people who reciprocate your energy and prioritize your well-being.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing her actions, it’s about freeing yourself from the pain of the past. This can be a gradual process, and it’s okay if you’re not ready yet. For now, focus on your healing and the positive relationships in your life.
Our actions are judged by intentions. You helped your friend out of compassion and a sincere desire to alleviate her suffering. Your efforts to support her financially and emotionally, despite your hardships, reflect a selfless and noble character. Allah (SWT) values the sincerity of your heart. Trust that your kindness will not go unnoticed or unrewarded, even if people fail to reciprocate.
The betrayal you experienced says nothing about your worth or character. It reflects your friend’s inability to uphold trust and honor your support. Your selflessness in helping her, even when it placed you in a vulnerable position, showcases your rare and admirable qualities. It’s important to detach your sense of self from the actions of others. You are more than this experience, and it doesn’t define the amazing person you are.
The fears about being abandoned by future friends or a potential husband if you make mistakes may stem from the pain of this betrayal. To counter these fears, remind yourself that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding, and forgiveness. Making mistakes doesn’t make you unworthy of love and support; it makes you human. You’ve already proven that you show up for people. Trust that others will do the same for you when the right connections come into your life. When those dreams or doubts creep in, remind yourself:I am loyal and kind, and I deserve relationships that reflect that. This situation does not define me; it strengthens me.
The financial consequences of the SIM card issue are understandably frustrating. If possible, seek advice from a financial counselor or credit repair service in Norway to explore your options for rebuilding your credit score. While this part of the situation feels like an enduring burden, it’s something that can improve with time and proactive steps.
Your mention of making dua indicates a strong connection to your faith. Leaning on your relationship with Allah can bring peace and guidance. Consider praying for clarity and for strength to heal from this experience. Reflect on how this trial has shaped your understanding of trust, relationships, and your capacity to overcome challenges. Faith can be a source of comfort and direction during this time.
You’ve demonstrated resilience, loyalty, and compassion in unimaginable circumstances. Those qualities are rare and special, and they are what make you an incredible person and friend. This experience is a painful chapter, but it’s not your whole story. With time and care, you’ll continue to grow stronger and attract the kind of relationships that honor your value. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, just as you extend those values to others. Take this time to rebuild and nurture yourself—you’ve proven your strength, and you will continue to grow from this experience. IN SHAA ALLAH
Warm regards,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “MV”
Asalaamu alaykum,
It sounds like you’ve only shared a small part of your story, but I can feel the depth of your pain and struggle. Your values of compassion, sincerity, and respect shine through your efforts to help a friend in need, even at great personal sacrifice. When you couldn’t continue giving in the same way, you were met with unfair treatment that left you questioning your self-worth and future.
Thoughts are not always facts. They are shaped by experiences, instincts, culture, others’ opinions, and even ‘waswasa’ (whisperings of shaytan). It’s important to focus on thoughts that align with your values and support your growth.
Labels like “liar” or “bad person” are unhelpful and unfair, as they reduce you to a single event rather than reflecting your whole self. These labels can make us feel stuck and defeated, blocking us from living meaningful lives. Instead, try the following:
Reflect honestly. How did you live your values of respect, sincerity, and compassion in that situation? Acknowledge your strengths and areas for growth with balance: “Alhamdulillah, I am generous, and I’m working to improve in ______.”
Offer yourself grace. Your values apply to you too. Be compassionate with yourself. Speak kindly to yourself, as you would to a friend, and make dua for yourself. Shifting our focus from praying against others to praying for ourselves can free us from letting others’ actions control our peace. You may find these self-compassion meditations helpful: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/
When it comes to your fears about future relationships like a friend or spouse abandoning you, this seems tied to the belief: “If I make a mistake, I will be abandoned.” While your ex-friend’s actions reinforced this, it doesn’t make it true. Let’s gently challenge this thought:
Reflect on times you’ve made mistakes and others remained by your side.
Ask yourself: “If I hold onto this belief, will it serve me?” Instead, redefine healthy relationships as ones where both people make mistakes, experience disappointment, and grow closer through repair, insha’Allah.
May Allah swt bless you with peace and relationships that nurture and uplift you.
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “SA”
From your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam my sweet sister,
I wanted to acknowledge that it was an extremely kind thing for you to help your friend out; especially when it came to the point that you needed help yourself. May Allah reward you greatly for it! When we do someone a favour we should never forget that it is Allah who has blessed us with the chance to help someone and thus it will be a good deed written for us. Whether or not the person shows gratitude, does not truly matter in the long run. Your reward, insha’Allah is kept with Allah who is Ash-Shakoor— the Most-Appreciative.
I also wanted to recognize that it must have been extremely hard on you to get into a fight with your friend and to hear accusations about your character. It’s a natural thing to become defensive, especially when you feel personally attacked. As I read through your post, however, I thought of how your friend has also gone through her share of difficult relationships. She too has a challenging relationship with a family member and has had difficulties with friendships in the past. This made me think that perhaps part of your friend’s hurtful reaction might have been her attempt at protecting herself. I am not excusing the behaviour but am trying to explain that sometimes our actions have many layers and all we see is the tip of the iceberg, or in this case, her frustration/anger. She may have felt hurt and betrayed as well, and this situation may have taken her right back to a hurtful time and instead of focusing on the present, she was lost in her past experience. Again, none of this is to take away the pain and hurt that you feel, but something I’ve learned recently is that our relationships and behaviours are complex and multi-layered. It can be easy for us to focus solely on our hurt and pain and sometimes (myself included) we forget that other people are also carrying their pain and grief and that not everyone is able to handle that heavy burden in a healthy way.
I pray that Allah sends you people in your life who will be a source of comfort and joy for you in this life and the next, ameen!
All the best,
Your Sister in Faith
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/friendships/
