Anxiety, overthinking, worry about mom, unable to understand my studies

As Salaalm Aalikum


Being able to look at your actions and being able to seek help is very difficult and I wanted to acknowledge taking the first step is incredibly valiant. 


I am hearing two different things going on here, one being excessive or over thinking and the other difficulty learning. Both which I will suggest seeking therapy for and both may require specific therapists for. I say this because the learning portion may require additional testing and may need other types of therapy. Meanwhile, you can find a qualified therapist to assist that can help you manage with anxiety and excessive worrying, and while you are searching for a therapist you can try some of these additional tips.


First it is important to understand what it is to overthink.  It is normal and healthy to have some levels of anxieties, worries and doubts. It is natural to be concerned about an upcoming job interview or pending bill, but it becomes problematic when it is persistent and uncontrollable. This is when we start worrying about the “what if’s” and the worst case scenarios and these excessive and intrusive thoughts can’t get out of your head and interfere with your daily life.


Here are some suggestions on how to stop worrying:

Try creating a specific time to worry. Sounds weird but it can help. Telling ourselves to stop worrying is in fact counterproductive. It just makes the worries stronger and more persistent. This is because you are hyperfocused on the thought and so you are now more focused on every thought you are trying to avoid. So rather than telling yourself to stop, allow yourself permission to have it, but at a specific time. 

Challenge anxious thoughts. Chances are often, those you worry a lot, often look at the world in ways that make it seem more threatening than it really is. Challenge the thoughts that come in, ask yourself if these thoughts are facts or opinion. Some types of these thinking patterns are: all or nothing thinking (black or white thinking), overgeneralizing, mental filter (focus on the negatives only) are just a few. 

How to challenge the thought: Ask yourself if the thought is fact or opinion. Is the thought helpful. What would you say to a friend. 

Ask yourself if you can control the worry. Here is something that is tricky. Research shows that while we worry, we temporarily feel less anxious. Because as we run through the problem, we are distracting ourselves from our problems and like we are achieving something. This however is not the same as problem solving, which we need to have to have in this process. Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of, and try not to get too hung up on possible solutions you can think of. Once this has been done, make an action plan. These steps towards problem solving can help move forward.

Meditation. This helps by watching your focus from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past to what is happening right now. This is how you can end the loop of negative thoughts and worries. You also don’t need to do the meditation that most people do, you do not need to try to get all the thoughts out of your head, there are many different types of meditation processes that you can try and some work for some people and you just need to find what works for you. 

Along the same lines, prayer and dhikr. Connecting with Allah and creating a connection or relationship with Allah will be helpful to you. Create a relationship that is personal and that you understand. 

It will be very helpful to find a licensed therapist in your area. May Allah swt make things easy for you.

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “SD”




Salamualaikum, I pray that this message finds you in a state of a sound heart. It sounds like you are struggling with anxious feelings. Know that this is quite common and you are not alone. Navigating anxious feelings can be stressful because it’s linked deeply with a fear around the outcome of what you’re dealing with. And when we fixate excessively on the outcome, we tend to seek out to control the variables as much as possible (or to imagine worst case scenarios as much as possible).

This makes everything so much harder because so many of these variables are completely out of our control, which increases worry, which then increases the desire to control, and puts us into an endless loop of anxiety.

When we are anxious, the sympathetic nervous system is activated. This is the part of our brains/nervous system that allows us to act: to go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn (these are the 4 major responses to stress that humans default to). When the stressful situation finally settles, our parasympathetic nervous system kicks in. This is the part of our brains that relaxes us. But what happens if the sympathetic nervous system is constantly activated? It can lead to a lot of fatigue, and it can also make it really hard to concentrate on learning because we’re so on alert for “danger” all the time. This may explain why you may be having difficulty grasping concepts that you’re reading. The sympathetic nervous system will also try to compensate for all the anxiety you’ve been feeling and increase your fatigue in an effort to put your body at rest, so make sure you allow your body to rest when you feel fatigue.

Now, it will feel practically impossible to rest if you feel worried about something all the time. Because you will feel the need to think about the outcome or work towards the outcome. What to do?

Start by treating your anxious tendencies as your personal research project. Get to know more about anxiety, read about it, watch videos, and talk to friends and loved ones about it. See what resonates with you and what doesn’t, start to build a clearer picture about what makes you anxious and WHY. Where did it start? What are the perceived dangers? How do you react to your worries, is it a productive way to do it? What makes you feel grounded in your body? Notice everything, get curious. Approach yourself with a compassionate curiosity.
I can begin with two book recommendations: the first is called Dare by Barry McDonagh and the second is called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Secondly, and I would say MOST importantly, is to remember that this is a spiritual struggle: the struggle to deeply surrender to Allah’s decree and practice being pleased with Divine decree. Know that everything you do and every outcome you worry about only happens by the will of Allah.
So talk to Allah about your worries. Begin everything you do with the basmallah and then regularly practice saying and reflecting on the phrase “hasbiAllah wa ni3mal wakeel” : sufficient for me is Allah, and He is the best Disposer of Affairs.
Get curious about your reaction to this phrase when you are anxious. Does this phrase calm your heart? Does it make you more anxious? It may bring up questions you may have around free will, about your trust in God, and your understanding of His attributes. If you find that is the case then alhamdulillah, you have started on your journey of expanding your understanding of Him along with yourself, and know that this is a blessed journey.

May Allah facilitate your path to healing your inner state, to coming to a Qalbun Saleem (sound heart), to deeply understanding and accepting yourself as a Divine work in progress, and to surrender to being a vessel of Allah rather than someone who tries to control His majesty which cannot be controlled by anyone except Him, subhanahu wa Tala.

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “YR”

Salam dear brother,

I wanted to acknowledge how sweet and thoughtful it is that you care about helping your mom. That is a very admirable quality to have and even just having those feelings shows how much of caring and considerate person you are.

In regard to those feelings of stress, worry and anxiety, these are something that many of us have experience in. As I was reading through your post, I felt myself empathizing with many of these situations and feelings. Something that I like to do when I am feeling overwhelmed with emotions is to write them down, it can help to organize your thoughts as sometimes I find that in my head my emotions are all jumbled up but when I get them down on paper it helps me to make sense of it all.

If you aren’t particularly fond of writing, there are still other things you can do to help manage these strong feelings. Speaking with a close and trusted family member/friend, going out for a little walk or even trying some different breathing exercises. There are many ways to help you cope and you may find yourself drawn to one method or maybe more than one. Here is a quick link for different tips on calming anxiety: https://mentalhealthcommission.ca/resource/quick-tips-to-reduce-anxiety/

There is a dua that you can say as well when you are experiencing excessive worry: https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2023/04/27/dua-anxiety-depression/ I find too that trying to call out to Allah (making dua/praying salah) will ease our hearts. This is especially true when we are mindful of the fact that He hears not just our words but also He Hears and Knows the intense agonies that lay deep in our chests.  

Hope this helps! May Allah bring ease and calm to your heart and allow you to overcome these strong and difficult feelings, ameen. 

All the best,

Your Sister in Faith