Friendships with the other gender

Assalaamu Alaikum Brother,

There are many people in our lives that contribute to our character development and support us through tough times. Whether it is friends or family, maintaining relationships is a healthy part of our social lives and Allah created us as communal beings. It is important to have a community and an extended support network.

From an Islamic perspective there are certain boundaries that are important to maintain between non-mahram men and woman in order to ultimately avoid prohibited interactions. I would recommend that in your specific situation, you should discuss your relationship with an Islamic scholar to help you determine the best way to maintain these relationships within Islamic boundaries. Once you have done your research and taken advice from trusted scholars, you can then have an informed discussion with your family about how you wish to move forward.

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “AH”

Assalam alaykum dear brother in faith,

It sounds like your mom and older sister are looking out for your best interest which is very commendable of them. In this day and age, it may feel difficult to maintain the boundaries between the opposite gender and depending on where you live, you might think, “What’s the big deal? Everyone around me mixes freely”. However, as Muslims we have a different understanding of friendships and interactions with the other gender. This isn’t something unique to our faith but many practicing Jews and Christians have similar ideas on mixed gender interactions. Maybe not as common now as many people have adopted a secular way of life but just the other day I spoke with my mom about a Bible Institute back when she was growing up. The practices they had in regard to free-mixing would today be considered extreme.

I would agree with your family members in that you should not be keeping friendships with females as you may think it is innocent and nothing will come of it but as Allah tells us about zina. He doesn’t say don’t do it- He says to not come near it. Zina has a way of pulling you in slowly and once you’re in it, it becomes extremely difficult to get out of as now you have become attached to the person and you don’t want to let them go.

You can and should be kind to people but there are boundaries you have to draw when it comes to your interactions with females and part of the boundaries is not keeping close relationships as you would with your male friends. I would strongly advise you that you do not maintain friendships with these girls as it is not worth putting yourself in a difficult situation where you would be displeasing Allah who Loves and Cares so much for you.

There are many young Muslims who are struggling in a similar way to you. It is possible that since you have a sister she could speak to these girls and tell them that you no longer wish to maintain friendships with them as you are working on your relationship with Allah and trying to get closer to Him. It may even inspire them to do the same. Your older sister can be a great source of comfort and help to you as you mentioned in your post that the friendships you currently have you see them as “the sisters you never had”, but I would kindly remind you that you do have a sister and she needs your friendship more than these girls do. Just reading that she tried to advise you, it sounds to me she cares an awful lot about you and that is something that should be cherished.

If you’re interested, here is a video I find helpful on the topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsHLmZML6IM

Wishing you the best in this life and the next! May Allah make it easy for you, ameen.