am i a disbeliever for my views on lgbt?

Assalamu ‘alaykum, 

Your question is a deep one, and to answer it fully is difficult. Ultimately, only Allah (swt) can determine if you are kaafir or not, but the fact that you are asking what would please Allah tells me that you (1) believe in Allah and (2) wish to please Allah. So it is easy for me to say that most likely you are not kaafir.

Here is where your question gets deep. As Muslims, we can commit sins, and those sins could be acts of kufr (or acts of disbelief) without becoming a stable identity of “being a disbeliever”. Yet if we are also repenting for those acts then we are also believers. Further, Allah loves those who seek forgiveness (2:222) and who trust Allah (3:159). So someone who repents is not only a believer, but someone loved by Allah.

So here is where your questions come in
* Is it a sin to accept someone as the gender they tell you they are?
* Is it a sin to refer to someone you meet by the pronouns they ask you to use?

These are great questions to research in the extensive scholarly debate that has sprung up on this issue in the last 30 years as people have become more open about their identities. They have discussed these questions from both the perspective of Muslims living in countries where they are the majority and in countries where they are the minorities – and sometimes where they land in terms of how you should handle situations differs as a result. 

I think another aspect, one that many people forget, is to consider your role. If we meet someone on the street, or at school, or at work, it’s not our role to decide for that person how we should refer to them. We don’t know their story, and we should take them as they present themselves to us. As we develop a relationship with someone, the foundation of that relationship is respect and we do not force belief (and by extension our worldview) on the other person. However, we can always encourage someone to pursue their better nature. What’s helped me sort out what that means is a concept called the Maqaasid ash-Shari’ah which roughly translates into the purposes/higher objectives of Islamic law. These things (like preservation of life, preservation of health, and so on) guide me when I’m in a situation where I don’t know the official ruling on something, or is a grey area that has no “ruling” on how to behave. These principles help guide me to say I am going to advocate for providing services to the homeless, or encourage a person to not disparage someone else (for example) because it fits the higher objectives of “encourage the good and forbid the evil”.

I hear you thinking to yourself, “Well, does that mean that discourage someone from acting on their LGBTQIA identity? People have told me it’s evil.”

This is where I respond with: Read the debates, hear the arguments yourself, but also remember each person has a story. The Prophet (saaws) gave different answers to different sahaabi asking the same question, because he knew what each person’s heart held, what they needed and what they could handle. So I would turn it around to you to say, until you know someone you don’t really have permission from them to comment on their life, and when you know them you have built up enough relationship, context, and nuance that you can lean on a sincere heart that truly loves the person in front of you to figure out what is the best way to be a good friend to the person. 

wa ‘alaykum salam, 

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “FM”

Walaykum assalam sister,

I appreciate you writing this, and I can see how concerned you are about holding onto beliefs that contradict the teachings of Islam. It can be very difficult to let go of these, especially because you grew up thinking a certain way. As far as whether holding these beliefs makes you a disbeliever, I am not qualified to answer that. There are some Q&A sites with scholars that can help you with this, some sites that I personally like to use are, SeekersGuidance: https://seekersguidance.org/ and AboutIslam: https://aboutislam.net/ .

It is very admirable that you want people to feel respected in your presence as this is a prophetic quality but at the same time this shouldn’t come as going against Islamic principles. Islam has a very clear stance on many societal issues and Allah tells us that it is no small thing to hide what Allah revealed just to make sure that other people are pleased. Of course, be kind and courteous when dealing with others but remain firm on your commitment to Allah’s Guidance just like how Allah’s Messenger (saw) was. You may find this article helpful: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/modesty/should-i-honour-my-friends-wishes-to-use-opposite-pronoun/

Part of what we all strive for as believers in Islam is to be of those who call others to good and forbid evil, while it is true that non-Muslims are not going to uphold the sharia as they do not believe in it, there is still good we should call them to. Which means that if we know they are preaching and celebrating something that Allah and His Messenger (saw) has told us is haram to partake in then we should not be supporting them. Our loyalties are to this religion and not in how people think/feel about us if our views go against the mainstream narrative nowadays. As many people have pointed out that Islam is not the only religion that does not agree with supporting LGBT- there are still Christians and Jews that would not be supporting the movement.

Just because someone is non-Muslim it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t show some concern for how they live as we should want good for all of Allah’s creation. We don’t try to bend our values and beliefs to fit theirs. An example of bending the values and beliefs is that not too long ago a certain Muslim country was trending in the news for allowing the sale of alcohol to non-Muslim diplomats. This goes against the teachings of Islam as yes it is haram for us to drink alcohol but by selling it to the non-Muslims you are aiding them in sin. Alcohol and Zina are both major sins as they are detrimental to society and LGBT is connected to zina as even if two people are married “legally” in the laws here in the west, in front of Allah it is Zina as marriage can only be between a man and a woman.

We cannot force someone a certain way as Allah tells His Prophet (saw) that his only job is to give good news and warn the people. So too is our responsibility, we can share the message of Islam with people but what they do with that message is up to them. The way you deal with a society is not the way you will deal with an individual. With an individual you can kindly speak to them but as a society you need to make it known that this is our stance as Muslims, and we are not going to waver from it just because the vast majority of the population thinks it’s backwards. Our prophets are the forefront example of this. Think of Ibrahim (as) as he challenged the beliefs of his nation in worshipping idols or one even one of my favourite examples in surah Maryam when he spoke to his father about not worshipping idols but still remained loving and respectful. We too can speak to people in a loving and respectful way but convey to them that as Muslims we hold a certain set of beliefs and we are not going to change them as we didn’t make them up ourselves but that Allah gave us certain guidelines and limits. May Allah make it easy for us to remain firm on his Path and allow us to be a light for others as well, ameen.

Wish you all the best,

–        Your sister in faith