Seeing Bars to Seeing the Sky
Dear Fatima,
Have you ever experienced the feeling of driving passenger in your own life and watching it go by like lights while driving on the highway. Well, thats how I feel every day to constantly replaying the worst times of my life and always wondering what and why did I go down that path. Over the year I have come to a resolution that it was written for me and it was supposed to ( well it actually did) teach me the biggest lesson in life. That if nobody got you Allah swt does and that pain and suffering were meant to make me a better person. I was 18-19 yrs old I believe when I got involved in the street life. I start off selling weed then moved on to different drugs. I did use to smoke marijuana just to keep my mind from wandering from the emotions I continued to push deep down into me. I honestly didn’t think anything was going wrong. I had people around me that I thought were friends maybe even treated like family. And don’t get me started on the amount of times I went to jail. The sad part is going to jail didn’t stop me. I then got my last case here in the state I reside. I listened to the greed and stubbornness in my head to just forget it and try to do the drug business in my state. Welp that was the worst decision I made. I ended up going to jail and after that was court dates and court dates. Me thinking everything was fine and it was my first ever real charge that it would just go away. Well, I thought wrong. I went to my sentencing date and the judge ended up sentencing me to 300 days in women’s state prison. When I tell you the treatment and the type of way you get treated there is so unreal that my brain has locked me out of those memories. The only one I can remember and tell you is when I was in county waiting for me to get transported to prison I was in an individual cell for almost 22 hours of the day only out for 1 hour at a time. It gives me chills thinking about it. But I ended up going to my sentencing date because I wanted to move on with my life and not have a shadow of my past following me, so I did what I had to do and dealt with my actions.
You’re probably how did you end up in this type of lifestyle or life. Honestly, after some therapy and getting back to the deen, I have realized that my turning to friends that were foes and safe place to drugs, were me not being able to express myself in a way to understand that doing and feeling the ways I felt were normal instead of people thinking I am crazy or just over the top extra with my personality. After getting out in 2021 I decided I won’t let my past self and actions define who I am going to become and how to move on with my life. I reevaluated my friend group and got back involved with the masjid. and I grew up in a household, where my parents were refugees and they made it out of famine and low resources, and extremism. They have built everything that they wanted from sweat and tears of their hard work. Now they own a restaurant, halal, and other businesses. But when it came to their kids it was all tough love. Not hearing your parents tell you I love you or good job, regardless of what progress you’re doing even if it’s small. It’s hard especially growing up and being a little girl. I wanted the type of love from my parents that was unconditional. But they made it seem like if I didn’t work up to their expectation I was flawed or something was messed up about me. But over the years they have grown and are/have made enormous progress for both them and all my siblings. We are learning to grow and heal the pains not just put a bandage and form a healthy loving family.
I now work for a non-profit and take care of a disabled older and attending University. There are smaller obstacles I have yet to hit, Insha Allah kahir though, I put my trust in Him, so what happens let it be if it’s out of my control.
Sincerely,
Loving Sister LL
Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikumwarahmathullahiwabarakathuhu My Dear Sister,
First, I just want to acknowledge how much you’ve been through. Your story carries so much pain, but also so much strength. You’ve faced the lowest of lows, yet you didn’t let them define you. That alone shows your resilience and the immense power of your faith.Your story is incredibly powerful, sister. It speaks of resilience, growth, and the deep mercy of Allah SWT in guiding us back to Him. The way you’ve reflected on your past—not with shame, but with the understanding that it was meant to shape you—is truly inspiring !!! Your journey is a powerful testament to Allah’s mercy, Qadr (divine decree), and the process of Tawbah (repentance and transformation). Everything you went through—both the struggles and the lessons—was written for you, not as a punishment, but as a means of bringing you closer to Allah.
It sounds like, even now, you sometimes feel like a passenger in your own life—watching things happen but not fully in control. That feeling can come from unresolved trauma, especially if parts of your past are still haunting you. When the mind replays painful memories over and over, it’s often trying to process them, to find meaning, or to protect you from making similar mistakes. But the challenge is that sometimes, instead of helping us move forward, those memories keep us stuck.The journey from hardship to healing is never easy, and many people stay stuck in the cycle of pain and regret. But you chose to break free, to seek therapy, to reconnect with your deen, and to redefine your purpose. That takes immense strength. The fact that you now work for a nonprofit, care for others, and pursue higher education shows just how far you’ve come.
I also hear the pain in your words—the longing for unconditional love from your parents, the struggle of being misunderstood, and the weight of feeling lost for so long. But look at you now: you’re not only healing yourself but also helping others.Your parents showed love through struggle, not words. But now that they are growing and healing, there’s still time to build a deeper bond. Even if they never say “I love you” the way you need, you can still honor them and seek reward in caring for them.And even if you never get the love you wished for from them, know that Allah’s love is more than enough. He sees every tear you cried, every moment you felt unloved, and He will reward you for your patience.
The love we don’t receive as children can leave deep wounds. You grew up in a home where love was shown through hard work, discipline, and expectations rather than soft words and affection. That’s a tough reality, especially for a child who longs for emotional warmth. You might have spent years wondering, Why wasn’t I enough for them? or Why couldn’t they just say “I love you” like other parents?But the truth is, their inability to express love the way you needed wasn’t about you being unworthy—it was about their own upbringing and struggles. Refugee parents, especially, carry their own traumas and survival mindsets. They often show love through providing rather than through words or emotional connection. It’s beautiful that they are now growing and trying to heal with you. But the younger version of you, the little girl who longed for validation—might still need comfort.
What has helped you cope when these memories come back? Have you found any strategies that allow you to feel more present in your daily life? Sometimes, small grounding techniques—like mindful breathing, journaling, or even reciting Dhikr—can help bring you back to the moment and remind you that you are no longer in that dark place.
Have you ever tried reparenting yourself? This means giving yourself now what you didn’t receive as a child. It can be as simple as saying kind words to yourself:
“I am proud of you”
“You are doing enough”
“You are worthy of love”, even when no one says it out loud.Allah sees your pain, and He has always been with you.
You’ve made a complete 180 in your life, Alhamdulillah!!! But Sometimes, after a troubled past, people struggle to believe in their own decisions. There’s a fear of slipping up again or making another wrong turn. But sister, you are not the person you used to be. You have already proven that by the choices you make every single day.If you ever doubt yourself, remind yourself of these truths:
I am not my past mistakes.I have control over my choices today.Every hardship I endured has made me wiser.And remember, even if you do struggle again, Allah’s mercy is greater than any fall. You are not walking this path alone.
You’ve come so far, but I sense there might still be a part of you that wonders: What now? What is my purpose beyond just surviving?What excites you about the future? Is there a passion you’ve been wanting to pursue? Maybe it’s helping young girls avoid the path you took. Maybe it’s building something of your own, like your parents did. Or maybe it’s simply continuing to strengthen your faith. Whatever it is, know that you deserve a fulfilling and joyful life, not just a life of making up for the past.Your past, as painful as it was, shaped you into the person you are today. Allah allowed you to go through those experiences so that you would find your way back to Him and become a source of guidance for others. You are not the same person you were years ago because Allah guided you out of the darkness and into the light.Rather than seeing your past as a mistake, see it as part of your journey toward Allah. Every moment you spent in pain brought you closer to understanding His mercy. Every regret you carry is a sign that Allah never abandoned you—He was guiding you back all along.
Tawbah ,One of the most beautiful aspects of Islam is that true repentance erases all sins. Sister, you have already left that life behind. You have turned back to Allah, sought forgiveness, and changed your ways. That means your past is no longer a burden on you. Allah has forgiven you. So now, the question is: Have you forgiven yourself?Shaytan loves to make us feel like we are still unworthy, that our past is still holding us back. But in reality, Allah already freed you from it. Every prayer you make, every act of goodness, every moment of seeking Him—these are proof that you are no longer that person. The Purpose of Your Pain is Allah tests those whom He loves. The Prophet (SAW)said:
“When Allah loves a servant, He tests them.” Your struggles were not just random hardships—they were tailored for you so that you could become stronger, wiser, and closer to Allah. You may have been tested with the streets, drugs, and loneliness, but you came out of it with wisdom, resilience, and faith.In Islam, suffering is never meaningless. It is either:A purification for past sins (so you enter Jannah with a clean record), or A means of elevating your rank in the sight of Allah.Even the 22 hours a day in solitary confinement—Allah saw you during those moments. He knew the pain you carried in your heart, and He was with you even when no one else was. Those moments may have broken you at the time, but they also became part of what brought you back to Him.
Now that you have made it through the hardest part.So Strengthen Your Connection with Allah,Salah on time , This is your daily anchor. Never let it go, Quran recitation – Even if just a few verses a day, it keeps your heart connected…. Keep asking Allah for guidance and strength.
Maybe your journey was meant to help others. Could you mentor younger girls so they don’t fall into the same traps? Could you use your experiences to educate others about the dangers of that lifestyle?The best among you are those who bring the most benefit to others.Sister, you have a purpose. Maybe your past wasn’t just about you—it was about the people Allah wants you to help in the future.
Sister, you are no longer that lost girl. Allah chose you to be guided. He gave you another chance at life, and you are using it wisely.Your past is forgiven.Your suffering was a test, not a punishment. But healing is a lifelong journey. You’ve already done the hardest part—choosing to change. Now, it’s about embracing the new you and allowing yourself to fully live again, without guilt, without shame, and without feeling like a passenger in your own life.Your future is in Allah’s hands, and He will never let you down.May Allah continue to bless your path, keep you steadfast, and reward you for using your experiences to uplift and inspire.
Aameen!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
Salam,
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. It takes courage to self-reflect, acknowledge the pain, and still move toward healing. You are a living example of growth and transformation after hardship. In fact, you described experiencing all five categories of posttraumatic growth through your choices, subhanAllah:
1. Forging stronger relationships with loved ones. Your perspective facilitated a healthier relationship with your parents. Sometimes we can get stuck in our pain or suppress it, but you created space for your wounded parts and at the same time empathized with your family’s struggles.
2. Embracing new opportunities. You opened yourself up to new friendships, gaining knowledge, and serving the community.
3. Cultivating inner strength You demonstrated grit and resilience in overcoming harsh circumstances that are unimaginable.
4. Deeper appreciation for life Some of us may develop a negative lens as a protective mechanism after trauma, but your words reflect hope, purpose, and optimism.
5. Spiritual growth By reconnecting with the masjid and practicing tawwakul, trust in Allah’s love and care for you, you received barakah in new experiences.
I picked up on your passionate storytelling nature, and this quote comes to mind, “One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.” Perhaps you want to consider channeling your creativity and your experiences into a source of hope and healing for others.
May Allah swt continue to guide you and bless you in this new chapter of your life.
Your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima SA”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
As Salaam Alaikum,
SubhanaAllah sister that is a lot you have over come and will still manage through but I have no doubt you will continue to do and do so while remaining sober! I love that you have worked so hard to stay sober and not just abstenant, MashaAllah. Sometimes it’s difficult to reconcile with immigrant parents that really do try their best, but as adult children we also must set healthy boundaries for ourselves so that we can learn to heal Ave move forward.
May Allah swt continue to guide you and give you the strength to do as that you are doing
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima SD”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Masha’Allah my sister, your story is incredibly inspiring! It reminds me of a beautiful ayah in Surah Nur of how Allah guides whoever He wants to His Light. As a young 18/19 year old, probably the last thing on your mind was Islam and now, Alhamduillah, Allah has guided you back to His Path. May Allah keep you steadfast on His deen, ameen. I loved reading about the changes you made in your life and how with the help of Allah, you turned your life around! May Allah bless you, your family and loved ones with the best of this life and the best of the next life, ameen.
All the best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
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