Pornography
Dear Fatima,
I have a friend, she’s just 13. Recently I found her twitter account, she followed so many porn twitter. Those accounts are so disgusting, it took me a while to erase some images out of my mind. Some of people she followed were muslim teenagers (boys and girls) who posted nudity on their twitter. I don’t live near her to help her. I really don’t know how to help her. I wanted to talk to my friends about it but this would bring shame to her. I know I have to talk to her but how do I talk and approach her? I am afraid if I make things worst if I speak wrongly…
Please help me Fatima…
Assalamu ‘alaykum,Social media has made it really easy for people to get caught up in things that are not good for their social, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Unfortunately, your friend’s situation is not unique, or even that unusual.It’s really great that you are concerned about her and that you are trying to figure out the best way to be helpful because many people would be ashamed to talk about the issue of online pornography.I don’t know how close you are to her or how open she would be to someone talking to her about the choices she’s making and how they can impact her in the future.There is quite a bit available out there that talks about the dangers of posting images of oneself on social media sites like twitter, and about the negative consequences of viewing pornography. One site that is run by a Muslim to help people avoid pornography and recover from sex addiction is called purifyyourgaze.com, and though Muslims are more conservative about their approach to these kinds of images, there is extensive literature that documents the rise of pornography and sex addictions in the U.S. along side the rise of social media.We are still learning how wide-reaching the impact of this is – how it impacts a person’s brain, relationships, self-image, self-esteem, etc.So if you are close to her, and can have a heart to heart, then reading up on the topic and sharing with her what you found might be helpful – not from a preaching Islam way, but from a place of being really genuinely concerned that she live a healthy life.If you aren’t close to her, then it’s a bit tricky. Sometimes you can find someone she looks up to as a mentor, and ask them to talk to her about what you saw. Sometimes it’s best to suggest the topic of pornography be covered in the youth program that she is a part of. If she follows you on twitter, you could even post an easy to read article about the impact of pornography on health and well-being.While you are doing all of this, make sure you don’t forget the most important thing you can do to help her — making du’a that Allah (swt) protects her and guides her to what is best for her life in this world and the next..wa ‘alaykum salam,Sincerely,Your sister in Islam,“Fatima Z”
Anonymous
assaalamu alaikum,
I can only imagine how difficult it must feel to see someone you care about get caught up in unhealthy things. I think Sr. Fatima gave some great advice.
The most important thing to remember is to empathize, and to try to put yourself in her shoes. Perhaps, she got caught up in this due to external factors that she simply didn’t have the strength to fight, such as peer pressure. Or she got exposed to it when she was younger and didn’t entirely understand the consequences, and now she feels stuck.
Also, remember that this is a very common issue, and the Muslim community, especially developing youth, are not exceptions. We are all plagued by the same struggles and challenges, despite the fact that our faith calls us to higher morales.
When speaking with her, try to make sure that your tone of voice is not accusatory–avoid using “you did” or “you have” etc. Perhaps a good question would be to speak about how you accidentally came across the material (not through her twitter), and how it made you feel. See what her reaction is to that.
It is also important to give benefit of doubt to someone–perhaps that’s not even her account, or it was hacked. I would try to double-check that it is indeed her account, and it has not been hacked first.
Duas for you and your friend. May Allah (swt) make this easier for you and her. Amen.
Salam,
Your sister in Islam.
HA18
Sorry to hear that you had to discover that about your friend 🙁 I am sure it was a shocking discovery, both to see those images, and to see that your friend is following those images.
I am not sure how you came across her twitter account…was it public and easy to find that she follows those accounts? Because it may be worth sending her a message saying something like “I am sure your twitter was hacked or something, but these accounts are linked to your account and everyone can see. Just wanted to let you know…” It is also entirely possible that her twitter was hacked and she has no idea.
However, if her account is private and you were able to see if by logging on to her username or something like that then following Fatima’s advice would be great. Depending on your relationship with her, you can figure out the best way to try to get across that pornography is bad for her. However, you can only do so much as a friend. It is ultimately her choice to change, and she might not be ready for it yet. If that is the case, make dua for her.
Also, for your own good, you should be careful about the effect of these images on you. Reject these images immediately as things that will cause you GREAT harm. It’s great that you are trying to erase them from your mind. But do not be surprised if you start hearing whispers of curiosity to see what is in the world of pornography. When you make dua for your friend, make dua also for yourself and all youth that they stay away from these very damaging images.
You are a wonderful and caring friend. May Allah always bless you for your sweet and kind heart!