Issues with Self-harm
Dear Fatima,
I am currently in 8th grade. I have some very nice friends alhamdulilah. I am healthy and I have a family so what more can I ask for right? But last year I had issues with self harm. I would scratch my arms until they bled. I have been clean for 2 months and I was clean 3 months before that. It’s hard and things are very triggering sometimes. My friends already know about it and sometimes I want to talk to them about it but I don’t want to sound selfish. I am very insecure of mainly my personality. I always think that people hate me and I also have anxiety. My friend went to ISNA in Michigan and recommended this website for me. It did help but sometimes I still have depressing thoughts. I just want to be happy again. I don’t want Allah to be disappointed in me for what goes on in my mind but I just can’t control it.
As Salaam Alaikum,
I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I am very happy your friend recommended you visit Stones to Bridges. Although I will provide some help here, I highly recommend you talk to your parents about the problem and ask them if you can seek professional help in your area.
For some people self-harm is away for people to cope with other problems that they are either aware of and are trying to suppress or already suppressed emotions or feelings. And though one may feel this is the only way to express what is going on or be able to suppress the feelings, there are other ways that can be more beneficial to you. Many people don’t know how to stop because it can form into an addiction. You need to know you are worth more, and that you can get better help. Often times people who are not aware of what self-harm is and how it can affect one who is suffering from it, they will not understand that it is deeper than one being selfish. Some self-harm as a way of expressing emotional pain.
Perhaps as you seek professional help in your area you can also find a confidant that you feel comfortable to go to any time you get the urge to self-harm. Help that person become aware of the severity of self-harm and ask them to just be there when you need to be talked down.
Understand why you self-harm: Once you understand why you self-harm you will have a stronger understanding to other ways to cope. Aside from therapy you can do this by journaling your thoughts. This will help you get out your emotions that you can read back and hear what it is that is troubling you. Whenever a trigger comes about you can be more prepared on how you can deal with it. Perhaps go for a run, or talk to your parents, or meditate.
Some other ways that can help you cope can be:
Paint, draw or scribble on a large piece of paper with red ink or paint
Play with or be around children – this can help you calm your nerves
Meditate or pray
Remember, self-harm doesn’t occur in a vacuum. It’s an outward expression of inner pain—pain that often has its roots in early life. I have faith that you will get there. You are a strong and beautiful individual. You must remember that it is ok to breakdown every now and then, and that you can get through anything.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep your head up and please seek professional help as they can offer you a stronger foundation to recovery.
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam,
Fatima X
Anonymous
as salaam alaykum,
Thank you so much for sharing your struggle. I think it is helpful for all of us facing these types of hardships to know that we are not alone.
I am so glad to see you reaching out for help, and I hope you will continue to do so. I would definitely recommend letting your parents know and seeking professional help that will allow you to see and further explore the root of this. As Fatima X said, know that this does not just occur in a vacuum. Self-harm is an outward expression of inner pain. While being strong and not harming yourself is a great step forward and such a difficult task, ultimately the one thing that will bring the heart peace is finding the root of your pain. What has been hurting you for all of this time? Do you have a sense of what it might be and what triggers the memories? Having someone to work through this with will be so helpful. It is so important to process what you have been through and to create a space in which you will insha’Allah with time find peace.
I completely understand you on the insecurity front, and it has been what feels like a life-long struggle for me too. Insha’Allah we can both take the right steps to work through this.
It won’t happen overnight. And we have to be forgiving of ourselves in the meantime. If something does happen even while you are getting help, remember to be forgiving of yourself. This is a process, and change and healing do not happen immediately. But insha’Allah they can come, with help. And I am so glad you reached out here as a big step in that direction.
I definitely agree with Fatima X on the journaling. Also things like yoga, meditation and prayer can be very helpful in finding peace. Each person has a different way of processing their thoughts and emotions, so I encourage you to find the right medium for you, and again, to reach out for help so you don’t have to do it alone. This type of work needs support, and the bravest thing is to be able to reach out for it.
I am so proud of you for taking this step forward, and for all of the months you have not self-harmed. I know it is not easy. I pray you continue to take care of yourself and find peace and relief in your heart which manifests itself outwardly and through your being.
You are a beautiful person, and I am so grateful that you shared.
with love.