Feeling out of place in this world
Sometimes I feel out of place in my family. I grew up wearing the hijab, while my older brother and cousins lived such different lives. I was always told to dress modestly, wear the hijab, and my brothers were taught stuff too. My older brother is very different from me though, he makes friends very easily, he’s just more of a people person. His high school years seemed so fun, he’d go out with friends all the time, party, and he’s had girlfriends/relationships. He might be getting married soon inshallah but how is it that someone who had haram relationships can end up finding a good girl to settle with. I’m not judging him because I know he feels guilty about things he did in the past and he’s shared that with me. I just wonder because I don’t even have guy friends and I feel so inexperienced and unwanted. My cousins, all the girls, wear whatever they want and do what they want. My parents aren’t crazy strict, it’s not about that, it’s just that it makes me feel really out of place, like the odd one out. I have some Hijabi friends, and some of them talk to guys or have had relationship experiences, and that makes me feel more like there’s something wrong with me.
I’m 22 but I don’t why I worry about marriage. Maybe it’s because my parents sometimes bring it up, but I’ve always imagined that I’d find someone myself, I just don’t think my parents can understand what I want. I’ve always dreamt that it’d be romantic, I know reality is different, but is it wrong to hope? Or to believe that Allah will make that happen?
I feel like giving up. I hate all of this. Sometimes it feels easier to be alone, but that’s not what I want, and none of this is fair.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum my dear Sister!!
What you’re feeling is incredibly deep, and your emotions matter. You’re carrying so much grace, even through pain and that doesn’t go unnoticed by Allah.
You said you feel like the odd one out, even in your own family. But know this: being different in your values is not a flaw, it’s a form of worship. You’re not “less” for not doing what others do. You see people around you having relationships, getting attention, and still ending up with good partners. And here you are, with your heart guarded, waiting, hoping…and wondering, “Why not me?”
But Allah is The Most Just. He sees what you’ve sacrificed. Even if it looks like others have it easier, the inner peace you will have when the right person finds you the right way will be priceless. Your path is being written with more beauty than you know.
Wanting companionship, emotional connection, and even romance is not un-Islamic. The Prophet (peace be upon him) had a deeply loving and affectionate marriage with Khadijah (RA). Islam doesn’t condemn love it guides it. So when you dream of a gentle, respectful, and romantic love, you’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for something that fits your heart and your values. You may feel “unwanted” or “inexperienced” because you haven’t been through what others have. But that’s not a flaw. You are protected by Allah. You’re not behind, you’re prepared for something truer and safer than many have ever known.
It’s okay to feel like giving up. You’re human. But don’t let those feelings stop you from turning to the One who made your heart this tender in the first place. Allah Himself says: “Call upon Me; I will respond to you.”[Surah Ghafir 40:60] so call on Him. Cry to Him. Be honest, raw, and real in your du’as. He’s not just listening, He’s preparing something beautiful, even if it’s hidden for now.
Your feelings are deeply valid, and many people especially young Muslim women can relate to this quiet struggle between personal values, societal pressures, and emotional needs. You’re not alone in this.
Choosing modesty, guarding your heart, and holding onto your principles are seen and appreciated by Allah, even if the world doesn’t recognize it. It’s natural to wonder how people who didn’t follow the path you did end up seemingly happy or getting what they want. But we don’t always see their inner reality. If your brother is turning towards Allah with guilt and sincerity, that’s beautiful and it doesn’t mean your journey is forgotten. You have your own story, and it’s just as precious. So believe that Allah can bring someone into your life in the most tender, beautiful way. Hope is a form of worship, there is no set timeline in Islam for when love or marriage must happen. The companions of the Prophet (pbuh) married at all kinds of ages, and what matters is who you marry, not when. You are not unwanted. You are valuable, even if others haven’t seen it yet.
It’s okay to be sad, to feel left out, or to cry. Islam doesn’t ask you to bottle up pain, it teaches you to bring it to Allah. The Prophet (pbuh) wept, turned to Allah when he felt abandoned, and asked for comfort. If you feel like giving up, that’s a sign your heart is tired, not broken. Take a moment to rest, to talk to Allah in your own words, even if they’re messy and confused. Tell Him what you want, how it hurts, how you feel. You are not the odd one out. You are just walking a path which will eventually make to a happy and successful way… In Shaa Allah.
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam my sweet sister,
I hear you. It is difficult to feel alone, left out and distinct from everyone. You want to belong but notice that people around you do things that you are not comfortable with. It can feel frustrating when you are trying your hardest to do what’s right, and yet it seems that other people are getting things you want. Perhaps, at some level, it may feel like they do not deserve it. It’s an understandable sentiment. At some level, I can see where you are coming from. You have tried your best to stay away from haram or disliked things, but it feels like you are not seeing the fruition of your effort.
However, it is essential to remember that all of our paths look different. Some people come back to Allah after many years or commit many sins. Their hearts had to be softened before they could turn back to Him. Others tread on different paths towards Him. How each person comes to Allah is different. Our stories and paths have been beautifully crafted and shaped by Allah (SWT). All of us are on a path back to Him, and sometimes that walk seems a bit lonely. Feeling alone is not a bad thing. Sometimes, our loneliness allows us to connect back with Allah. Maybe our loved ones, activities, friends, hobbies… etc…, distract us from what matters- Allah.
Perhaps the most important thing for you right now is to refresh your connection with Him. As you work on your relationship with Allah, He will send people in your life who don’t make you feel as lonely. Growing up, I felt similar to you. I didn’t have Muslim friends and often felt lonely because of it, especially in my later high school days. However, as time passed, I started becoming closer to Allah, and He sent people in my path who I became friends with, allowing me to feel less lonely. It is possible, my sweet sister. It may just be a matter of time.
May Allah bless you with the best company who allows you to feel seen, heard, validated and reminds you of Allah, ameen.
All the best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2012/08/03/pure-women-are-for-pure-men/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2012/10/22/confused/
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