I paid OnlyFans and now I don’t know what to do

Assalamualaikum my dear Brother,


I feel your pain, and I want you to know that you are not beyond hope. The fact that you are reaching out, feeling this regret, and wanting to change means that your heart is still alive. That is a gift from Allah (SWT) . Shaytan wants you to believe you are doomed, that your repentance is meaningless, and that you will keep falling, so why bother? But Shaytan is a liar. Right now, you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. But sometimes, hitting rock bottom is exactly what we need to rise higher than ever before. You are at a critical turning point in your life. You can either believe the whispers telling you, “You’re too far gone, you’ll never change, just give up”, or you can stand up and fight back like your life depends on it. Because it does. This isn’t just about pornography. This is about your identity.


Do you want to die in a state of worship or in a state of regret? Your sin is not your identity. Right now, you feel dirty, ashamed, and broken. But look at what Allah says: “Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” ( Surah Az -Zumar:53) This ayah is for people just like you…,people who feel like they have gone too far. But Allah is calling you back. SubhanAllah!!! The Prophet (SAW) said: “All the children of Adam sin, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” 


This Is a Fight Worth Fighting. Right now, your mind is telling you, “I always fail. I will relapse again. Why even try?” That is not the truth it is a lie whispered by hopelessness. You have fought this for years, which means you have not given up. You are still here, seeking help. That means there is still a fighter in you. This addiction is part of the battle between your nafs (lower self) and your soul. Your nafs is selfish. It just wants pleasure, escape, and gratification, no matter the cost. It tells you, “Just one more time,” and when you listen, it makes you feel disgusting afterward. Your soul is yearning to be free.


There are 3 types of Nafs Allah( SWT) described in Qur’an. Among those one is “Annafsulammarathu bi su'” which is the nafs that commands us to sin. We have to work hard to tame those desires and it will be a lifetime journey to get there. But with Allah’s help, you can reach to the most trained and disciplined nafs which only do what makes Allah ( SWT) happy. That’s “Alnafsul mutma’inah”.You can reach there. In Shaa Allah!! But the other nafs which is called “Annafsin lawwama” which is the one making you feel remorse when you do the mistake. 
It’s the part of you that loves Allah, that wants to be a Hafidh, that wants to stand before Him on the Day of Judgment without shame. Right now, your nafs is trying to control you. But the moment you decide, “Enough. I will not be a slave to this anymore,” is the moment you start winning.


Porn addiction is not just about desire it’s about dopamine. Every time you watch, your brain releases huge amounts of dopamine, which is the “feel-good” chemical .Over time, your brain gets used to this unnatural flood of dopamine and starts needing more extreme content to feel the same pleasure. This is why relapses feel worse over time because the addiction is escalating. It also weakens your willpower—which is why you feel like you can’t stop, no matter how much you want to. But here’s the good news: The brain can heal. Just like any other addiction, when you stop feeding it, your dopamine levels start resetting, and you gain back control. Every day your resist is a step towards freedom. Porn isn’t just about desire it’s about filling a void. Find something healthier to replace it. The more you lower your gaze and purify yourself, the more Allah will open the doors of Qur’an to you. Imagine the honor of standing on the Day of Judgment with a purified heart, having overcome this.


I can tell you about an emergency reset option : Cancel OnlyFans NOW. Not later. Now. Block all access. Get rid of triggers. If you watch at night, keep your phone out of your room. Unfollow anything remotely suggestive. No more “innocent scrolling” that leads to temptation.
Start your day with Qur’an, dhikr, and exercise. Set the tone for control. Have a full schedule so you don’t have time to be alone with temptation. Physical Exercise: It lowers dopamine cravings. Even walking helps. No phone after a certain hour. Charge it outside your room. Journal your progress daily. Track your streak. Even one clean day is progress. When you get an urge, follow these steps immediately: Say ‘A’udhu Billahi min ash-Shaytan ir-Rajim’ out loud. Move! Stand up, walk, Do Push-ups, physically change your state. Recite Qur’an even one ayah can break the urge. Call a friend or go to a public place don’t stay alone.


Let’s be real you might slip again. But here’s the rule….If you fall, IMMEDIATELY get up. Pray two rak’ahs of tawbah. The only way to lose is if you give up. And you are not giving up. Yes, you fell. Yes, you even paid for it. Yes, it was Ramadan. But Allah’s mercy is infinite. He knew you would sin before you were even born, and He still created you, guided you to Islam, and is giving you another chance. Think about that. Allah still wants you. No matter how bad you feel, go make wudu and pray two rak’ahs of tawbah. Ask Allah for forgiveness, sincerely. If you feel distant from Him, ask Him to bring you closer. Don’t wait. Do it now. Every day, ask Allah to remove this addiction from your heart. Imagine a child learning to walk. He falls again and again, but his parents never say, “You’ll never walk. Just stay down.” No! They encourage him to keep going. Allah is even more merciful to you than a mother is to her child. When you fall, get back up. Repent. Keep fighting. Replace the Addiction with Something Stronger, Your dream is to be a Hafidh use this as your motivation. Every time you get an urge, pick up the Qur’an and read. When you feel weak, make du’a immediately. Say: “O Allah, I am weak. Strengthen me. O Allah, I want to be pure. Help me.”


You need someone to help you whether it’s a trusted friend, a mentor, or even a counselor. Having someone to check in with you weekly can make a huge difference.

You are not your addiction. You are not a “Hypocrite”. You are someone struggling, just like all of us struggle in different ways. And with Allah’s help, you can overcome this…In Shaa Allah!!

Allah has chosen you to recognize your mistake and feel remorse. That’s already a sign of His mercy on you. The story isn’t over yet this can be the beginning of your journey toward real, lasting change. Keep going. Do not stop. Allah is with you.


Warm Regards,


From your Sister in Islam,


“Fatima MV”

Salaam dear brother,


I want to acknowledge how incredibly brave you are for reaching out. Not everyone is able to recognize they have an addiction, and sometimes if they can recognize, they don’t have the will to seek help. Already, my brother, you have taken these steps on your road to recovery.

As I read through your post, I could feel the guilt and heavy burden you are carrying as these grueling feelings have remained with you for quite some time. The fact that you reached out and are looking for help sounds like you are a believer, who loves and cares about his relationship with Allah (SWT) but who is also struggling with a particular sin. This doesn’t make you a hypocrite, it makes you a human being, as we all sin, and the best of us are those who come back to Allah, while making the intention to not resume the sin. It may happen as you have been struggling with this addiction for many years but that doesn’t mean you will never recover. You mentioned in your post that you tried to quit the habit many times and yet never managed to do so, but, my brother, the way that I see it is that Allah placed that feeling in your heart to recover from your addiction. That feeling is placed there for a reason. Trust that with Allah’s help, you will be able to overcome.


Many people, young and old, Muslim and non, also struggle with this and so I hope you know you’re not alone. This site here helps individuals who struggle with pornography addiction and is Muslim run https://purifyyourgaze.com/start-here/ .This is a video that you may find helpful as well, as the Imam being interviewed has helped many Muslims overcome this habit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsj-FsCsnZQ&ab_channel=BelalAssaad.


I pray that Allah strengthens you to over come your addiction, purifies your heart, and allows your struggles to be a source of inspiration for others, ameen.


All the best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer NL