Fear of missing out on my naseeb
Today after Asr, my mom told me that she makes dua for me to meet my naseeb soon. But she was frustrated and said, “For the love of Allah, show up to your classes. Go to university, get to know people, mingle so they know who you are and whose daughter you are. Nobody even knows you exist.” And that sent me spiraling.
A huge part of my anxiety is this constant fear that I’m wasting the opportunities Allah gives me, that I keep blocking every door He opens, that I can’t receive His blessings because my social anxiety and generalized anxiety make it impossible to even show up to my own life. I feel guilty every day. I feel guilty for even being in university, like I stole someone else’s place, someone who actually deserves it, because I don’t. Because only those who show gratitude to Allah by using His blessings deserve them, not people like me who sabotage them.
And now, I feel like I’m wasting my time. What if I really am losing my husband? What if the reason I’m not married is exactly what my mom said, that I’m not allowing my naseeb to find me because I keep blocking doors, because I don’t go outside? I can’t help but feel like this every day. I wake up with an unbearable guilt, knowing that I’m doing this to myself. That I’m not trusting Allah. That every single day, I let my anxiety win by not going to university. And it’s not just during the day—I can’t even sleep at night. I wake up restless, I have nightmares.
My mom keeps reminding me of the saying, *
”اسعى يا عبد و انا معك,” and I know. I know I’m not putting myself out there. I have no friends, nothing. My anxiety is so bad that I had to drop my lab classes just to focus on the ones that don’t require attendance. And ya Allah, that was one of the hardest days of my life.
Chemistry was a part of my life from 2019 to 2023, during high school, a time when just showing up felt impossible. And yet, chemistry saved me in every way a person can be saved. I don’t even have a picture of it now, it only exists in my memory.
In 2019, during my second year of high school, my physics teacher made my life unbearable. He would single me out, pressure me to participate despite knowing about my anxiety, hold meetings to discuss how little I spoke, and even involve my parents. Worst of all, he would physically shove me to make me engage. I felt so unsafe at school, but I endured it because physics was a requirement I had to push through to get into university. Unfortunately he wasn’t the only teacher who made my life a living hell so did my spanish teacher, english teacher and math teacher
But chemistry was my anchor. I remember how, at home, studying it brought me peace. It was the one thing that kept me going through school, through the constant weight of my anxiety and panic attacks, racing thoughts, everything. SubhanAllah, chemistry grounded me. It kept me steady until I made it to university. It was the reason I kept going.
And now, it hurts. It feels like I have nothing tangible to hold onto as I grieve it. I know I’ll have to take it again at some point to graduate, and when I do, it will be an honor, a blessing. How lucky am I that my heart aches this much at the thought of saying goodbye to something that meant everything to me?
As for my teachers who bullied me and emotionally abused me in high school i harbor no ill feelings towards them and may Allah forgive them for what they did and help them grow so they don’t to this to any other student in the future
This is my 5th time doing this after being rejected in the past being told i’m not sick enough. I’ve finally written everything down for a psychologist. I didn’t hold back I wrote two pages, and I’ll write more. This week, I’ve decided I’m sending it. I need to get medicated. I need to get rid of these thoughts, this brain of mine, so I can finally have my life back. So I can return to chemistry. So I can take one step closer to my future husband, inshaAllah. Because the fear of missing my naseeb is eating me alive 🙁
Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum warahmathullahiwabarakathuhu,
My dear Sister your struggle is deeply layered, involving anxiety, guilt, grief, and the weight of cultural and religious expectations. Your post is deeply moving, and I can feel the weight of your emotions through your words. You’re carrying so much—anxiety, guilt, grief, and the pressure of expectations, all while trying to navigate your own healing. That’s not easy, and yet here you are, still pushing forward in your own way. That takes incredible strength!!
First of all, I want to acknowledge how real your struggles with anxiety are. It’s not just about “not trying hard enough” or “not trusting Allah.” Anxiety is a real, painful challenge, and it makes even simple things—like showing up to class—feel overwhelming. The fact that you’re recognizing this and seeking help is a HUGE step. Writing down everything for a psychologist, after facing rejection in the past, shows resilience. You’re not giving up on yourself, even when it feels like your mind is working against you. That’s courage !!!
Your love for chemistry is so beautiful. It gave you stability when everything else felt uncertain, and now, you’re grieving the distance from it. That grief is valid. But I also see hope in your words—you will return to it, In Shaa Allah. The way you talk about chemistry shows how deeply connected you are to it, and that connection isn’t lost. It’s just waiting for you.
And about naseeb—Allah’s plans unfold in ways we don’t always understand. Your anxiety does not have the power to block your blessings. Allah’s mercy is far greater than that. You are not wasting your naseeb, and you are not losing your future husband just because you struggle with showing up. Your path is written, and nothing meant for you will pass you by.Allah’s plan cannot be disrupted by your actions. If something is written for you, it will reach you even if you struggle.Your effort is still important, but so is trusting Allah’s timing. Sometimes, things feel delayed not because you are failing, but because Allah is preparing you in ways you can’t see.Dua and reliance on Allah while also using practical solutions like therapy.Reminding yourself that even the Prophets (AS) had struggles and moments of fear, yet Allah guided them through.Taking care of yourself—seeking therapy, considering medication, finding ways to manage your anxiety—is part of the effort. It’s part of “اسعى يا عبد و انا معك.” You are striving. And that counts.You are not broken. You are not ungrateful. You are not undeserving. You are someone who is trying, and that is enough.
You speak of guilt—feeling like you’re not deserving of university, of blessings, of even your naseeb. This is a sign of self-criticism turned into self-punishment. You are not your anxiety—your struggles don’t define your worth.It’s okay to have limitations—Allah’s mercy extends to those who struggle.Instead of “I am blocking my naseeb,” try “I am doing my best to navigate my struggles, and Allah’s plan is always greater than my fears.”Allah does not judge us by our struggles, but by our efforts. Anxiety does not mean a lack of trust in Allah. Even Prophet Musa (AS) experienced fear and asked Allah for ease before facing Fir’aun. The key is seeking solutions while trusting Allah’s plan—which is exactly what you’re doing by considering therapy and medication.
How about reframe your thought process of thinking that because you struggle with anxiety, you are actively blocking your naseeb and losing out on opportunities. The reality is, your naseeb is written by Allah, and no single action can prevent it. Feeling like you’re either “fully showing up” (deserving of Allah’s blessings) or “failing completely” (undeserving). Healing happens in progress, not perfection… Believing that because you struggle with social anxiety, you’re responsible for blocking the doors Allah has opened for you. Anxiety is not a conscious choice—it’s a condition that requires support, not self-blame. By working with a therapist, you can learn to reframe these thoughts into more balanced, compassionate perspectives.
By trying gradual steps toward Social Interaction .Your avoidance of university, social settings, and classes is understandable—anxiety makes these spaces feel threatening. However, avoidance reinforces anxiety. Try by introducing small, manageable steps toward facing your fears. For example: Start by sitting in a campus for 10 minutes without interacting. Progress to attending a lecture, even if you leave early. Slowly work up to saying a small “Hi” to a classmate. Each step rewires your brain to see social spaces as less dangerous. You don’t have to jump straight into overwhelming situations—small wins matter. Test your fears in small ways. If your anxiety tells you “People will judge me if I show up,” challenge this by going to class for 10 minutes and observing what actually happens. Rather than trying to eliminate anxiety completely, try to accept your emotions while still moving forward. Right now, your anxiety is dictating your actions by making you avoid social settings. Recognizing that anxious thoughts are just thoughts—not facts. Your anxiety is something you experience, but it is not you. Even with anxiety, you can still take steps toward what matters. If your goal is to finish university and get married, then the focus shifts to how you can do it despite anxiety.
A simple practice for you : Imagine how you would speak to a friend who is struggling in your position. Then, practice directing that kindness toward yourself.
One small exercise: Close your eyes and imagine your anxious thoughts as passing clouds. Instead of fighting them, just let them float by. This reminds you that your fears do not have to control you.
Right now, avoidance (not attending university, not socializing) reinforces your anxiety. First try watching a recorded lecture at home.Then try sitting in a library where other students are around. Attending class but sitting in the back near the exit.Each step should be repeated until the anxiety decreases before moving to the next one.
You mentioned wanting to get medicated, and that’s a valid, responsible choice. Medication isn’t a “shortcut”—it’s a tool to help you. Send the letter to your psychologist. This is your priority—getting professional help is the strongest action you can take. Replace self-blame with gentle understanding. You are struggling, but you are trying. That is enough. Strengthen your trust in Allah’s plan. Your naseeb is not slipping away. Allah’s blessings will reach you when and how they are meant to.
Healing takes time. Struggling does not mean you are ungrateful or unworthy. You are already taking steps toward healing, even when it doesn’t feel like it. One day, you will look back and realize that even your darkest moments were part of the journey toward something greater….In Shaa Allah!!
May Allah ease your heart, guide you to the support you need, and bless you with peace, healing, and everything that is meant for you at the right time, Aameen!!
Keep going. You’re doing better than you think. You are not failing. You are in a difficult place, but you are also trying. Healing takes time, but every step forward—even writing this post—is proof that you are not giving up. You are not alone in this, and with the right support, you will find your way back to yourself, your studies, and the future that is already written for you. In Shaa Allah
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam dear sister,
I can feel your frustration and exhaustion with both your situation and yourself in your post. It sounds like you find yourself stuck in the mud, while still being able to look ahead, seeing the life you wish to have. You want to move forward but haven’t yet developed the skills to allow you to scrape away at the mud that’s seized you. I find it admirable that you are trying to work on yourself, even if you can’t see it yet. You’ve reached out to us at Stones to Bridges, you are attempting to get into touch with a psychologist and are looking to receive medication.
Alhamduillah, you may not see it my dear sister, but you are making progress. Life itself involves many changes, and these changes do not happen overnight. Even the day slowly progresses in stages before it finally sets, it doesn’t all happen at once. You may not notice if the sun rises from one degree to two or three but after several you will begin to see the bright light overtake the horizon. Your journey in life is like this, each step you take in life may not seem like much, but overtime insha’Allah, I hope you will be able to look back at those little steps to see how they all contributed to your journey of becoming a healthier version of yourself.
Remember my sister, no matter what we do, what Allah has written for us will not miss us. If you find it helpful, here is a short Ramadan series from last year on Qadr, it’s a beautiful reminder of this- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ02IYL5pmhFYDrmxNHAlwgcHOR4h1bPa
May Allah bless you with the best of this life and the next, ameen.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
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Here is an additional post on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2024/09/18/conflicted-on-naseeb/
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