Seeking non judgmental comments and help

Waalaikumussalam my dear Sister,

 I’m deeply sorry to hear about the pain and struggles you’re experiencing. Your story reflects immense strength as you’re trying to navigate a difficult situation with limited support while still holding onto your faith and values. Islam encourages us to take care of our mental and emotional health just as we care for our physical health. Allah says in the Qur’an: “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:286)Your struggles are not a reflection of weakness but a test from Allah. Acknowledging that you’re struggling is the first step toward healing, and seeking help is entirely in line with Islamic teachings. Continue making dua sincerely, as this is a direct connection with Allah. Even crying in sujood is an act of worship, and Allah loves to hear from His servant. 


Remember, Allah knows your struggles and rewards patience: “Indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (Surah Ash-Sharh 94:6) Even if it feels overwhelming now, trust that Allah is guiding you to something better. While it might seem overwhelming, it’s manageable with the right combination of therapy, medication, and self-care strategies. Accepting your diagnosis is key. Mental illness does not define you—it’s a condition that requires care, just like any physical illness. If family doesn’t support mental health treatment, seek therapists or counselors independently. Online therapy platforms might be more accessible and private.


Try to Practice Self-Compassion and speak to yourself as you would a friend. Instead of self-criticism for not getting into your master’s program, remind yourself that setbacks are a normal part of life. For example: “It’s okay that I struggled. I’m trying my best, and I’ll try again.” Challenge negative thoughts by identifying them, reframing them, and focusing on more realistic, compassionate perspectives. For example; “I’m a failure for not getting into the master’s program.” Reframe: “This was a setback, not the end of the road. I’ll learn from this and try again.” Practice techniques to stay calm when family members criticize you. Deep breathing, grounding exercises, or silently repeating affirmations like “This is temporary. I am in control of my emotions.” can help. Avoid unnecessary arguments by acknowledging their perspective without agreeing. Then, shift focus to your boundaries by stating your needs calmly. Write down your feelings instead of retaliating. Journaling can help you release frustration and gain clarity.  Reaching out to friends, even for short conversations, can provide emotional relief. Consider online or in-person mental health support groups where you can connect with others who understand your experiences.


While it may be hard to express your needs to family members who may not fully understand mental health, try approaching them calmly. For example: “I know you love me and want the best for me, but I am struggling right now. I need your understanding and dua to get better.”If direct conversations are not working, focus on minimizing conflict by retreating to a safe space like your room, as you’ve been doing, while still engaging in family responsibilities when possible to avoid further misunderstandings.
 

Create a daily routine with small, achievable goals:
Morning: Start with one positive habit, like a short walk, deep breathing, or reciting affirmations.
Midday: Schedule productive tasks (studying, chores, or job applications).
Evening: Dedicate time to self-care, like reading, journaling, or light stretching.
Overwhelm can be reduced by focusing on one subject or topic at a time. Use tools like to-do lists or study planners.


If possible, join online forums or study groups for your field of interest. Engaging with peers can boost motivation. Take free or low-cost online courses (e.g., Coursera, LinkedIn Learning) to improve your skills. These can boost confidence and prepare you for future opportunities. Look for flexible jobs like tutoring, content writing, or virtual assistant roles to gain experience and financial independence.
Engage in activities that bring you joy or relaxation, such as art, reading, or gardening. Hobbies can reduce feelings of isolation and give you a sense of purpose. Helping others through volunteering can create a sense of connection and fulfillment.


If possible, seek a psychologist or counselor for talk therapy (e.g., CBT or interpersonal therapy) to address negative thought patterns and improve coping skills. If you benefited from medication in the past, consider consulting a psychiatrist again. A combination of therapy and medication often works best for persistent depressive disorders.


Focus on small, achievable objectives, like improving study habits, applying for jobs, or maintaining a healthy routine.


View challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Remind yourself that setbacks are part of success.
If feelings of hopelessness or despair worsen, reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, or helpline immediately. Join Muslim support groups online where you can share your feelings and seek advice without judgment. You don’t have to go through this alone.


It’s okay to not want to marry or to feel unsure about it right now. Islam does not force marriage upon anyone. Focus on your healing and building your life first. If marriage is meant for you in the future, Allah will open that door when the time is right.


Take one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether from friends, professionals, or Islamic organizations. You’re not alone in this, Allah is with you. It’s okay to feel lost right now, but take comfort in knowing that these feelings are temporary. By combining self-care, professional help, and small daily actions, you can move toward a more fulfilling and stable life. Remember, progress is gradual, and every small step matters. You’ve shown incredible strength so far—keep going.

Warm regards, 

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “MV”




Asalaamu alaykum,

It can feel alienating and devastating to have your mental health condition misunderstood as a spiritual failing by family. Someone with a physical injury would be met with compassion and advised to seek treatment. In the same way, the pain of a person with a mental health condition is just as real and deserving of empathy. It seems as if your fear of your family history of mental health illnesses is limiting you. 

While many mental illnesses have a genetic component, it is usually an interaction of the environment and lifestyle that turns a gene on or off that spurs the onset of a mental illness. So, another way to look at your diagnosis of dysthymia is that aspects of your environment and lifestyle are not serving you and are in need of adjustments. 

When it comes to your environment, lessen or eliminate what is exacerbating your symptoms and increase or add that which helps you heal. It may be helpful to have a routine where you go outside your home and meet others besides your family- perhaps initiating a study group for the upcoming exam or joining a sport or hobby. You mentioned that in the past, your friends supported you in overcoming a period of difficulty. Try reconnecting with friends whether by meeting up, phone calls, or texts, or creating new friendships. Explore counseling and support groups at your university or in the Muslim community.

You may also consider volunteering. Prosocial behaviors such as volunteering, donating, and other acts of kindness fosters social connection, boosts self-esteem, and provides a sense of purpose, and the kicker is that it boosts feel-good chemicals and reduces sadness and anxiety. So, ask yourself what your talents and skills are or what you are passionate about, and you may choose to volunteer or pursue growth in that area. If you find that your Master’s program is what you’d like to pursue again, but you’re feeling defeated because you didn’t pass the exam, then imagine when you have achieved it, and you are practicing in your field with that distinction, your qualification will not reflect that you did not pass the first time. You may even choose to reframe your first attempt as a rehearsal- your “Take 2.”

Let’s talk about lifestyle changes that may be helpful. Creating changes in diet, exercise, and stress management can create a ripple effect of positive shifts. A Vitamin D deficiency can mimic depressive symptoms, so getting bloodwork done by your physician may indicate any vitamin deficiencies that can be balanced through diet or supplements. When it comes to exercise, you are getting a boost of endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, which is nature’s antidepressant, so treat it like a prescription, and do it daily. Lastly, you mentioned praying privately to Allah (swt) and crying. Know that each of your precious tears are beloved to Him. He has made crying a mercy for us that releases stress. Our tears, specifically our emotional tears, contain cortisol and adrenaline which are stress chemicals. So, destress by pouring your heart out and personalize your dua further by using His Glorious names: “Ya Fattah (The Opener), open my doors of provision so I can be even more grateful to You.” “Ya Alim (The All-Knowing), grant me the ability to understand, apply my knowledge.” “Ya Wadud (The Most Loving), help me see myself through your eyes and fill my heart with confidence that comes from knowing I am loved by You.”

Wishing you wellness and ease, insha’Allah.

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “SA”

Walaykum assalam my sweet sister,


     My heart was saddened to read of how lonely and isolated you feel right now. We certainly are social creatures, and these difficult feelings on top of your diagnosis of dysthymia makes the struggle even more strenuous. I can’t imagine how heavy all of this must feel for you. The pressure to get married, attempting to achieve your masters, and finding solace and connection with your loved ones, you have a lot going on.


When we find support from others around us, it can make our challenging tasks seem easier to handle. After all, when Musa (AS) was told to go to the pharaoh, he asked Allah to also send his brother with him. Our friends and families can aid us, especially in those times when we need it the most, but not everyone is blessed with that opportunity, as you mentioned in your post. I did love reading of how you felt supported by your friends after your diagnosis in 2020. They sound like they helped you through a lot and if you still can, try to keep in touch with them. Even if it’s through Facetime or texting, you know best how helpful it can be to have a strong support system in place. I know it can be hard to not receive the help, love and care that you need from your family. If you are able to, try to engage in conversation with them, you don’t need to open everything up right away, as it can be too overwhelming. If you have a relative that you feel closer to (such as your mom, for example), you may feel it’s easier to break the ice just a little. Of course, whatever you feel comfortable with as you know your family situation best. I read something a little while ago of how our parents want the best for us, but they don’t always know how to go about that and sometimes they don’t have the skills that are needed to help, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. Your parents may think that marriage is the best thing for you but perhaps (when you’re ready), talking and sharing your feelings with them may help.

I pray that Allah gives you relief from your pain and sadness, allows these difficult times to strengthen you and your connection with Him and that He blesses you with the best of this life and the next, where you are surrounded by those who love, support and care for you, ameen.


All the best,


Your Sister in Faith