Modern Age Standards / Spiritual Connection

Assalamu ‘alaykum, 

Thank you for having the courage to say what a lot of people feel but don’t know how to ask about. Opening our hearts to feeling the presence of Allah (swt) is a lifelong process. The first question I would encourage you to ask yourself is, “Do I feel anything at all?” Many people walk through life numb because they don’t want to feel difficult feelings. However, then they are in a situation where they can’t feel good feelings either! So we can’t really feel Allah’s presence if our heart is hiding from feelings in general. Some of the tips that I gave another writer about noticing the good (https://www.stonestobridges.org/2023/11/24/seeking-guidance-and-support-struggling-with-abuse-trauma-and-seeking-spiritual-healing-2/) might be helpful for you as well. 

The second question that I would encourage you to ask yourself is “Why do I feel close to the people I feel close to?” If you have a close friend, and you think about your relationship, maybe you will realize that you feel close to them because of certain qualities — they are honest, reliable, they show up for you when you fall down, and so on. Whatever qualities you list, you can think about how you can use that insight to develop your relationship with Allah. The dialogue in your head might go like this: I like Sarah because I can always talk to her about my problems and she listens. So I will try talking to Allah about my problems and start looking out for ways that Allah heard me. 

Now, this won’t always look like Allah making things happen the way you wish they would play out. Rather, it could be a feeling in your heart that you were heard, it could be an idea that pops into your mind later in the day that solves your problem, it could be a funny thing that makes you laugh and makes you feel better. The more you look (just like I mention looking for the positive in the other post) the more you will develop that relationship with Allah. Once you start to feel that connection with Allah, the rest will begin to flow. 

You mention that you struggle with excessive worry. I hope that you have a therapist to help you work out the specifics. However, the essential thing about worry is that we fear harm in the future. In order to tame it, we need to be clear about what is in our control and what isn’t, and how working in the present impacts the situation in the future. To say that a different way — the questions would be “is that in my control?” and if yes, “what can I do today to help bring about a better future tomorrow?”  

An example: 
I am afraid that a meteor will fall out of the sky and destroy my house. 
Is that in my control? 
No.
How likely is it?
Not likely.
Take a deep breath, acknowledge the fear, and let it go. If your body won’t let you let it go until you create an emergency plan, create the plan first.

I am afraid that I will flunk out of school. 
Is that in my control?
Mostly
What can I do today to help me be successful in school?
Study, get help if I need it, set up systems that work, and so on.

I hope that gives you some place to start. Again, working with a therapist who can help you get into the roots of your worry will be more effective help that we can provide on this forum. 

wa ‘alaykum salam, 

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “FM”

Assalam Alaykum my dear sister,

I want you to know that you are not alone in experiencing this, many others also struggle with the same feelings as well. I would like to acknowledge how wonderful it is that you recognize this issue and are actively trying to find a solution to it. May Allah bless you! This shows that you are taking a step in working on your relationship with Allah. To help you on your journey to connecting with your Loving and Caring Master; the first step is to take a look around at your daily life and routine. Is there something that you are spending too much time doing or not enough of. How are you doing with obeying Allah’s commands, for instance, not looking/listening/ engaging in activities that are disliked by Allah. Often, we do things and do not realize how they can take effect on us spiritually. For example, things like backbiting, too much useless talk (ex: the latest TV show/movie) and not lowering your eyes from shameful things, all seem like minor things but in reality these can have a big effect on our acts of worship. Another thing as well, if you do not have an Arabic speaking background or if you never learned classical Arabic that would be a barrier as well to understanding the Quran. Also affecting your prayers as you would recite and not really understand what is being said. 

I pray Allah blesses you with an unbreakable connection to Him and allows you to become a source of light for others as well. May you and all of your loved ones be blessed with the best of this life and the next, ameen!