Seeking Guidance and Support: Struggling with Abuse, Trauma, and Seeking Spiritual Healing (2)
As-salamu alaykum everyone,
I find myself in a place of gratitude for the progress I’ve made in my journey towards healing and recovery, yet I can’t shake this persistent feeling of dissatisfaction. Despite knowing that I’ve been putting in more effort and making positive changes compared to before, I still feel far from content and at peace with my current state.
I am earnestly seeking guidance and advice from this community. Why does my effort still seem insufficient? How do you cope with similar feelings on your journey?
I acknowledge that healing is not always a linear process, and I wonder if these feelings stem from setting unrealistically high standards for myself. I would deeply appreciate any insights, experiences, or reflections from your own journey or any guidance from Islamic teachings that could shed light on finding satisfaction and peace within oneself.
Thank you all for your time and consideration. May we all find the strength and clarity we seek on our paths towards healing and contentment.
Warm regards.
Your sister.
Response from “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
Dear writer,
It is really heartening to see how hard you are working to find healing and health in your life.
You ask a question that many people struggle with. Since you didn’t share many details about your personal situation (which is fine!) I will do my best to answer and I hope it resonates with what you were hoping to get help with.
I heard your question as: How can I feel more peace as I make progress on my journey? and why does my effort not feel “good enough”?
These questions are interconnected. Since our brains are wired to detect and remember threats, we have a tendency to keep track of negative experiences much more carefully, and we keep track of positive experiences less carefully. Therefore, we often get lost in how we fell short rather than how much closer to our goal we got. Failure and imperfection are natural and human. Therefore, our goal is not to “achieve peace” but to build a bit more peace in our lives each day. Peace in the Islamic worldview is based on comfort and satisfaction in our situation in life — that we have made all the effort on our part and accept the response that Allah (swt) sends us as a result. So if we buckle our seatbelts, are driving conscientiously after making du’a, and we find ourselves in an accident, we can have rida (spiritual satisfaction) that we did our part, and that this situation is a doorway for our growth that was sent by Allah. We can also spend time thinking about how Allah’s yusr (ease) has accompanied the ‘usr (hardship).
This cognitive intervention, to notice the ease, the blessings, the good in our lives, helps us notice the ways that Allah (swt) is responding to our efforts. It can help us also notice our own growth, and be grateful for how our efforts are paying off — even if those payoffs are small. Shifting our attention in this way helps shift the impression we have of ourselves to one that is more balanced, rather than one that is more threat focused. Small shifts like this, day after day, helps us translate noticing how Allah “showed up for us” into a stable, trusting belief that Allah will show up for us in the future. That belief is what ultimately leads to living a more peaceful life.
The first step, however, is to have gratitude that you are asking the question — because if you didn’t notice that you fell short, then you wouldn’t know you had the possibility to improve 🙂 so good for you! You are already on your way.
May Allah (swt) smooth the path ahead,
wassalam,
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “FM”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Waalaykum assalam sister,
Masha’Allah, I love to read that you are thankful for all of your progress so far! Feeling dissatisfaction with your progress is a normal feeling and one that you can use to push yourself forward. Don’t be too hard on yourself that it becomes overwhelming, and you give up altogether. That is one of the goals of the shaytan, to make you feel hopeless so that you eventually tire out and stop trying. This is something that can empathize with you on. I tend to set high standards for myself and when I fall short, even if it’s only a little, I find it extremely discouraging and disheartening. It is good to remember that we will always have progress to make in life as it is only Allah (SWT) who is free from all imperfections. Something I find helpful as well is to not too put too much on yourself at once. Take little steps and work your way up to reaching those bigger goals. As our Messenger (SAW) said, the best deeds are the ones done consistently even if they are small.
I pray that Allah blesses you with His guidance and wisdom through you journey, easing your struggles in life.
