Seeking Guidance and Support: Struggling with Abuse, Trauma, and Seeking Spiritual Healing
Assalamu Alaikum,
I’m reaching out here seeking guidance and support from the Stones to Bridges of Islamic Psychology. For years, I’ve been battling the aftermath of abuse, trauma, and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). Only recently have I come to fully understand the extent of these struggles in my life.
During moments of turmoil, I instinctively recognized the need to turn to Allah for solace and guidance. However, instead of drawing closer to Him, I found myself turning away. As a result, the storms in my life intensified, becoming overwhelming and seemingly uncontrollable.
I’m yearning to share my story with others who may relate but find myself without someone to confide in. My deepest desire is to develop the ability to consistently turn to Allah, especially during the moments when my heart aches the most.
I’m keen on seeking consultation and support from the Stones to Bridges of Islamic Psychology. I’m hoping to find guidance rooted in Islamic teachings, integrating spirituality into my healing journey. I long to learn how to navigate these challenges while strengthening my connection with Allah.
Your assistance in this matter would mean a lot to me. I am open to any advice, resources, or support you may offer to help me on this path toward healing and rediscovering my faith.
JazakAllah Khair.
Response from “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
I am very sorry to read that you have grown up in a household marked by abuse. It seems you know, since you reference cPTSD, that people who grow up in an abusive household are usually impacted quite deeply and carry with them patterns of behavior that show up in other parts of their lives. What we don’t often talk about is how this experience impacts one’s relationship with Allah / God / Universe — even though the impact can be quite profound.
When I read your post, I wonder if there is a part of you that is angry with Allah. I know that sounds disrespectful, even sacreligious, for me to ask. However, as humans we can sometimes have resentment or anger towards Allah because we don’t understand why our stories have written into them the experiences we went through. This existential hurt, on top of the physical, emotional, and sometimes sexual wounds can sometimes be paralyzing. Our thoughts tell us we “should” turn to Allah and our unprocessed hurts resist the message from the thoughts.
One of the most counter-intuitive parenting strategies out there, is also the most effective one. When a young child is crying and melting down, it is telling us of pain, so instead of boundaries, punishments, incentives, rationalizing, what they need from a parent is calm, safe, connection. So the strategy teaches parents to calm themselves and go towards the child with gentle love. This is the same strategy that I would recommend you do with yourself — perhaps with the help of a therapist — to notice that the part of you that “turns away” from Allah is trying to express something and needs help processing that thing. So instead of guilt, self-anger, self-punishment, self-incentivizing, and “should-ing”, if you are able, calming the parts of you that want to judge that turning away as bad is the first step. The second step is creating a space where you can figure out what the resistance is about and figure out a plan from there. It might be that you have a question about qadr, or a fear of connecting since it requires such vulnerability, there could be a number of other reasons. However, the path forward is often through those feelings to the new you on the other side.
May Allah (swt) grant you the right support as you make your way through it.
wa ‘alaykum salam,
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “FM”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Walaykum assalam dear sister,
Masha’ Allah, from just reading your post I can see how genuine and eager you are to begin on the path to healing. I cannot imagine all of the difficulties you have gone through, but I love to read that despite this you still desire a connection to Allah. Most people would give up thinking, “what’s the point”, however it is incredibly admirable that you take these trials as a means to connect yourself back to Him. This is a wonderful step on your path, it reminds me of the hadith, “Whoever draws close to Me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to Me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to Me walking, I will come to him running. Whoever meets Me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any partners with Me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.” (https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2017/06/01/if-he-comes-walking-i-come-running/
Hadith on Worship: If he comes to Me walking, I come running
www.abuaminaelias.com). Never give up on working on your relationship with Allah and know that no matter what He will always be there to listen, aid and guide you to the end.
I pray that you are able to receive the counsel you need, allowing you to grow and blossom into the best version of yourself; as well as you find yourself with a stronger connection to Allah than ever before.
