Struggles caused by parental abuse and school

Assalamu alaikum sister Fatima. Actually my problem is a common problem among the youth but for me this thing is a very very serious one. I probably think for months I am having problems with my emotional and mental state because of my parents and school. There are only three in my family. me, my father, and mother. I have no siblings I am the only one. I am 14 and a high school student, I actually hate studies in school because they give me a lot of pressure and mental stress. I am not very energetic because I have some health issues like getting tired often I have low blood in my body as I checked with my doctor. Okay let me tell you about the problem I have with my parents. my mother is the one who makes my emotional state breakdown. as I am alone and I have no one to talk to in my house because my mother will be working in the kitchen or watching TV.even if I go to her to talk about something that happened in school or something etc, she avoids me because there’s an important scene going on the TV and only she listens to me some times.I only have allah to tell all my problems about and cry. I don’t even have a muslim friend with me to ask a solution about this because I’m living in a non muslim majority area. But alhamdulillah allah has willed for me to tell you. Even if I cannot find Muslim friends around school or near my house, I can try in masjid and Islamic gathering but in the nearest masjid there are no places for women as I asked my dad if there is some. and I have no muslim gatherings around me and my parents will not allow me to go out because the area I live is not very safe and they want to ensure my safety and I understand it as I am not a very outgoing person. I’ll tell you what the problem is between me and my mother. I have low energy like, getting tired often. After I come from school around 4:40 pm. I get really exhausted and I rest. I also have to pray dhuhr and asr [my school is a Christian school, they don’t allow me to pray so I have to make it up at home]. After praying, I get very sleepy and tired. Sometimes i have slept after finishing my prayer lying down in my musalla. So I would go to sleep. Suddenly my mother would call me shouting and tell me “Do I have to call you to make tea everytime?”. It’s normal here to have tea at morning and evening. I understand that my mother worked at home doing chores as she’s a housewife. She wouldn’t let me go to school unless I ate breakfast. So she would be tired and asks me for some tea at evening. I make her everyday. But when I sleep or by some occasions I cannot make that tea, she starts to criticize me. She complains that I don’t even make a tea. This is something simple but she’s making it worse. Even if I tell her that I’m tired she will tell me “Like you did so many work”. She thinks that tiredness can only come from working physically but she cannot understand it mentally or emotionally or according to my health. As I have no one to talk with me, I will scroll on my phone watching something beneficial alhamdulillah. She even complains about it too that I’m always on the phone and do nothing she would even threaten me that she would break that phone. In holidays even today, I cannot go sit in my room. Because she calls me to do something and I do it for her and then go to my room. This will happen often. So my mother shouts at me saying “You always go inside that room”. Even if I sit still for if she calls me to do something, she doesn’t call me and I would go to my room. She also threatened me in some occasions. I’m writing a book as I’m interested in it. I have designed it on my own painting it so hard and I’ve finished it. I asked my dad about writing stories and stuffs about writing etc. My mother tells me that if I get a 0 in my exams [ she’s telling lower marks as 0] she would tear that notebook of mine. And also told me that she would not pay for the internet in my phone so that I won’t watch it and would study.. I’m not a topper but average in studies. I’m weak at maths and that’s what they are scolding me about. They’re not looking what I have tried to pass the exams or my efforts. But tell that I’m always on phone. My maths teacher who’s a male told the class while we were writing an exam that to practice some sums from maths at home so that we can finish it soon and get ready for exam. I didn’t notice it and my friend told me that the next day at school. When he came and asked every student if they practiced and finished or not. He asked me and I told him I didn’t finish. He told me “It’s better to leave you failed rather than giving you a punishment”. I told him that I did not notice it but he said “Don’t make it look like it’s not your fault”. I cried and cried after coming home in my room so I got a headache. I cannot study properly and I tried as much as I can because the next day is maths exam. I finished it and thought I would pass but failed it. My father scolded me I got a low mark. That words that my maths teacher said to me always rings in my head whenever he comes into the class. Whenever I tell my problem when I can’t finish the work he gave us, he tells me that I’m making excuses and I’m the worst student among the female students as they’re improving. Sometimes I’m having suicidal thoughts naudubillah. But I avoid it and pray to allah azzawajal. My parents are telling me to focus now only on my studies even in the holidays I can’t have time for my hobbies. Because this is a higher study and I can only get a job by the scores I get in these studies. But no one cared about how I would feel. In school they’re treating us like we’re robots and no more humans And we have no tiredness and emotions. I get tired and never do homework.. I want to go to a islamic studies but my father asks me to finish one year of this and go to Islamic Studies. What can I do? There are problems in two sides. I even had thoughts about running away from home. Please help me so that I can manage this chaos. Jazakallahu khair..

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