what is actually my condition
I am a college student, a 20 y.o girl. I come from a religious family. I am the second daughter of five siblings. I have some problems with my mood and I have felt sad easily since about 5 years ago. but as I get older I think my feeling problem gets worse.
last month I felt the extreme feeling I ever had. I cry easily for about 2 or 3 weeks. it happens whenever I don’t do any task or when I’m alone even if it’s just a few minutes. I don’t know what kind of feeling I felt at that time. I’m so sad and desperate.
until now my condition is still unpredictable, I can feel grief many times in a week. the grief that brings me into desperation, without any clear cause.
actually, sometimes when I grieve my memory reminds me of what happened to me several years ago and I felt so hard to pass that trial. although I think I have accepted the condition and forgive everyone who hurt me.
I don’t know why is this and what should I do
Response from “Fatima Counselors”:
Dear writer, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. It is clear that you have come through something that has affected you deeply. I’m not sure the circumstances of the painful experience you reference, but the symptoms you describe are similar to those that are experienced by someone with depression. They are our body’s way of signaling that the situation was painful, and not yet resolved in our hearts. This means that finding a way to resolve the injury your heart is feeling will be the best way to find your happiness again. Many times, people think that because a situation is over, or because it happened so long ago that it shouldn’t still hurt. However, it is very common for things to keep hurting until we figure out why they are hurting and what we need in order to feel better. Depending on the severity of what you went through, you may be able to do this on your own, or you may need outside help. A trusted friend, a mentor, or an Imam can help in some ways. If the pain is larger than they can help you with, then I would suggest that you seek out a therapist. In the meantime, make sure you are taking care of yourself in the same way that someone with a physical injury has – eat healthy food, spend time outside, look for something joyful to experience each day.. That will create some space for you to be able to recover more quickly, insha’Allah.
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “FM”
As Salaam Alaikum,
I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I can hear your pain and even though you have only typed up your message I can feel the trauma of what you have experienced still lingers, though I am not sure what that may be.
Although you should see a formal therapist, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and prolonged grief can manifest as heterogeneous mental health symptoms as you have described.
It sounds like what you went through is still lingering, and is something you need to work through with a professional therapist. It is great that you have forgiven those who you feel may have hurt you, but that does not mean that the feelings will dissipate.
Trauma is a vicious beast. And sometimes you may not understand why, the emotions and symptoms may just pop up because there is no formula in how to grieve the trauma on your own. There is no linear process.
As I mentioned before I think it is very helpful for you to find a therapist near you. Other thing you can consider for healing:
Develop a personal connection with Allah (swt). One that is not based on just the fard (obligatory), but on a personal and more spiritual level.
Set healthy boundaries especially with those who have hurt you. Even if you have forgiven them. It can take time to really heal with those individuals. Take time to really understand those relationships. Give your mind and body time to process. Those who care about your well-being will understand if you need to take some time alone for yourself.
Journaling your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to help better understand the connections between emotions, behavior, and environment while helping provide insight and personal awareness into your healing process.
Spend time and reconnect with the simplicity of nature as it can be very healing and therapeutic. Try a safe jog or hike as a calming strategy or to help improve mood, emotions, and thoughts.
Remember that your feelings might come in waves. Just because you feel better for a bit, then worse, doesn’t mean something’s wrong. It’s just the nature of how trauma can affect people.
Lastly, be kind and patient with yourself. My duaas are with you.
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam
Fatima “SD”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Assalam Alaykum dear sister, I am sorry to hear that you are currently struggling with these changes in your mood. Managing and navigating the various emotions we experience on our day to day can be a challenging endeavour. One thing I noticed and appreciated in your post was how you mentioned, “it happen whenever i didn’t do any task…”. Reading this, it sounded like you are attempting to identify your triggers, which is a wonderful start on your path to becoming better at managing your mood! Something you may find helpful is to start writing these down in a private journal. You may find commonalities, that will help you in your next steps. May Allah make this struggle easy for you and reward you with the highest gardens of His Jannah, ameen!
