Sobia
27, female, homeless, jobless. I tried many things, and many ways to approach life because my life is messed up. I had spastic hemiplegia from birth then, at the age of 17 I developed schizoaffective disorder: bipolar one. Before my diagnosis, I had a terrible childhood, very few memories of the ages from 1-10 but I am very dependent on my mother and my father died and poverty came in. My older brother became abusive and then at age 17 I got diagnosed with this disorder From then, everything went down. I became dependent, I feel very dependent. I prayed to Allah and asked him but he didn’t answer why, everything was like this. I have a degree but no one hires me. I tried taking driving classes but could not pass on 3 tries. I tried everything to make things normal but nothing seemed to happen and I found no solution. I have no job. I am dependent on everyone for everything I eat. I feel depressed. I tried istagfair but Allah would forgive me. Please have mercy and explain. What options do I have? I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Response from “Fatima Counselor”:
Dear S.
You have stumbled on one of the most difficult things in our life. Realizing that we are vulnerable, and dependent. The reality is that everyone is dependent on Allah, even if we think that we have control of our destiny. You have clearly experienced deep pain and mistreatment as you grew up in your family. I can only imagine the lasting impact that’s had on the trajectory of your life. However, those are not things that you asked for, nor did you have the power to stop them from happening to you. The fact they happened to you is not a statement of your worth, nor of your value to Allah (swt).
I applaud the courage you have to keep working. You tried to take the driving test three times, you got a degree, you have been applying to jobs – this is a testament to your determination. I would encourage you to find a network of people who can support you emotionally, including a counselor, and help you know that you are loved for being you. I also encourage you to listen to talks like this one: https://www.youtube.com/live/2otdNpqFKV8?feature=share
if you find they give you hope and determination to keep moving forward.
I would also encourage you to sit back for a minute, take a deep breath, and search inward to see if you have any sense of what is working in your life – even if it’s something small – and see how you can build on it. If you focus on one small step at a time, then after a while you might find that you have walked much farther than you could have ever imagined.
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “FM”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Assalam Alaykum my dear sister, I cannot imagine the heavy weight you must be feeling right now with all of the difficulties you are facing. I have heard somewhere that Ar- Rahman (The Most Loving and Caring of all of those who can show love and care), gives His most difficult tests to His strongest slaves. These struggles are how you can become closer to Him. The trials we face in life are a reminder that- “I know my life isn’t perfect but there is The One who is Perfect and will never abandon me as long as I put my trust in Him”. My beloved sister, never lose hope in the Almighty Allah, no matter what you have faced or are currently facing, Allah is The One who listens and knows you, your exact situation.
Some things you could try is, if you are able to, wake up for tahajjud even if it’s twenty minutes before fajr. Cry and make dua to Allah as we know that this is an opportune time to make dua- Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Our Lord Almighty descends to the lowest heaven in the last third of every night, saying: Who is calling upon Me that I may answer him? Who is asking from Me that I may give him? Who is seeking My forgiveness that I may forgive him?” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1145, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 758.
There are lots of sites online that can help you to find a job, especially since you have a degree. One site- Indeed allows you to upload your resume and make it available for employers to view. You are also able to apply directly to job postings as well. If you have any friends or family members they may also be able to help you as connections are a great way to find employment.
I pray that Allah (SWT) alleviates you of your challenges, and make it a means for you to attain the highest levels of His Jannah, ameen.
