Just some struggles in life…
Assalamu Alaikum, I am 12 and i am a female. I started wearing the hijab in the 2nd week of march this year, since i have started, my moms side of the family and my cousins and my aunts who wear the hijab from my dads side are very supportive. But some of my aunts and uncles make me feel like wearing it is a bad thing. One aunt will ask, “Dont you feel hot in that?” And they will always tell my mom to make me take it off. It makes me sad that even my own family WHO ARE MUSLIMS would say this to me. I really dont know what to do. Also, i am having trouble with communication, its like i want to say something to my parents or any adult iin my family, something stops me from saying it. I can easily tell my cousins and my siblings anything i want and wont hesitate. But when it comes to adults i get really scared. Idk why, i dont have any traumatizing experience then why should i be scared? I also dont have any friends, i still do online but i plan to go in-person in 7th grade. My old friends were toxic, they would hit me and i would actually get hurt, they think its like a type of joke. And all of them were part of the LGBTQ+ Community. I just want some friends that will remind me of allah and that will help me and support me. I also have trouble keeping up with prayers, i really want to pray on time, i struggle to wake up for fajr even though my dad tries to wake me up. I always so “oh i will pray later i have alot of time left” butthen the whole day is gone. I really want to become a better muslim, a better daughter, a better sister, better niece, better cousin, better friend ect. I have also struggled with pornograpghy & mastrubation, since i was 7 i would watch videos of people kissing. I also struggle to keep my emotions, i get mad and irritated easily and i just cant help it. Please give me any advice in any way you can i would really apreciate it. May Allah give you immense rewards. Assalamu Alaikum.
Salaam,
It takes great courage to know how and when to ask for help. You knew to do so, that’s incredible! It already speaks to who you are.
Based on what you’re describing, it sounds like you’re in the middle of constant changes. From starting to wear the hijab (congratulations!) which has its own pressures from family to having fears communicating with adults to feeling isolated and wanting to further spiritually connect and be a better person…. my goodness that is a LOT happening!
Let’s start one by one. Deciding to wear hijab is not an easy decision. People much older than you struggle to make it. Your decision this past March speaks volumes about you. It shows you have a mind of your own, that you have the ability to make decisions that empower your life and that you’re capable of including a constant and special reminder of Allah swt. It shows wisdom and maturity beyond your years.
I think you have more courage than you think you have, little one. To be able to stand up for what you believe is right takes conviction, strength and determination. Alhamdulillah, Allah swt has already gifted you at such a young age to be able to tap into that. People will come and go. You will see as you continue through life that there will be some people, no matter what you do, there will always be negativity and unwarranted criticism around it. Muslim or non Muslim, they are still people. And people can be cruel and difficult at times for no apparent reason. Keep your head raised high little one. You wear a crown. May Allah (swt) reward you and bless you in the struggle.
This leads to my next point. Trauma comes in many forms, dear. It can be related to experiences we didn’t even realize could have such tremendous effects. Your fears of approaching adults are real. Sometimes we don’t always need an explanation. Fears will be fears. They may not always make sense. This comes back to courage. You’re braver than you think. Your voice matters. To be able to kindly, firmly and effectively communicate with adults is a skill. And sometimes what we are afraid of we have to practice running towards. I know that with time InshaAllah, this fear will subside.
You finish by describing your friends, your spiritual struggles and your thirst for more growth .
My dear, the rest comes from you. Knowing exactly who you are, what is important to you and what makes you fundamentally you will bring the right people to your life to continue to help and support you every step of the way.
I recommend that many of the issues are also grander topics that need more time and space to make sense of. Many folks find talking to a counselor or therapist very helpful for further exploring these other emotions and issues.
For now, I wish to remind you of your own inner strength and capability.
May Allah swt only continue to illuminate the way you continue to move through and better the world.
Love,
Your sister in Islam
“Fatima FA”
