Am the biggest Muslim sinner

Am born a muslim… i have commited this sin for almost for years now let say every week once (zina)
But that never stop me from praying my daily prayers and fasting during ramadan…
I have called out to Allah all the time to protect me from it… but anytime i pray for forgiveness and anytime i repent it seems i do it even more….
I have call out to Him sometimes i feel like it is because that am cursed that is why my Allah those not respond to me….
I feel like am a hypocrite… i love Allah but saytan is more powerful than me… i dint know what to do…
Please give me a advise…i dont know what to do so that Allah can hear me out…
Sometimes i would love to scream his name cause i feel like He has abbandon me.. but at the same time i dont blame Him.. i blame myself cause i out myself in this situation….

Dear Brother,

Thank you so much for reaching out. I can tell this issue is weighing on you.  You are not alone in this struggle and it takes a lot of courage to seek support. From reading your message it sounds like there are three issues at hand 1.) Your worry around the particular sin at hand 2.) Your feelings about yourself 3.) Your feelings about Allah

1. Regarding zina- this is a challenge that may be worth seeking spiritual counsel about. Consider who in your life you might be able to discuss this with. Is there a religious leader or elder you feel comfortable sharing this with? How might you find supports to help you explore this? You are not the only one who has faced this challenge and finding spiritual support may be helpful to you.   You may also find this website beneficial: https://purifyyourgaze.com/

2. A bigger question here may be your feelings about yourself as it relates to this sin. Sometimes when we are feeling distressed about not doing what we hope to do it can be helpful to start by remembering what we are doing well. You should be proud of yourself for continuing to make your prayers and keeping your fasts. Doing these things demonstrates that you are a capable person.  Building  upon our strengths can often help push away the feelings of guilt and shame that can make it harder for you to do the things that feel spiritually fulfilling.

3. It may also be worth reflecting on your relationship of Allah. How do you see God? Where does your idea of who Allah come from?  You mentioned feeling abandoned by Allah. Is Allah the being that abandoned you or have you felt this way with other people in your life as well? Often how we see Allah is a reflection of how we see ourselves. It may be worth seeking religious counsel around this as well. 

This is a very challenging situation but it is clear that your intentions and your heart are good. It is important to remember that. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam

“Fatima RS”

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I pray this reply finds you in the best state of emaan. Jazakumullahu khayran brother for reaching out. The first point I want to address is that you are a resilient person for staying true to your beliefs by constantly turning back to Allah SWT even in the face of your feelings of despair/regret. Know dear brother that the strongest weapon Satan has against a believer is to make them lose hope in Allah SWT’s Mercy and Forgiveness. Keep fighting the good fight and never give into those negative thoughts as Allah SWT loves His servant who constantly seeks His Forgiveness even if the servant’s sins reach the sky. Regret is the essence of worship and it indicates the emaan (faith/belief in Allah) inside you is alive and well.

Try your best to remember that sin should always be followed up with a good deed. This is an effort to try and minimize the impact of the sin and hopefully earn Allah SWT’s support in one’s life. Any good deed, even if small, committed consistently is beloved to Allah SWT. Try your best to minimize other sins as well so that this combined effort creates a sense of awareness and active effort of change.

The above mentioned strategies will work towards increasing a sense of gratitude in Shaa Allah. We know that when us human beings are grateful for the blessings of Allah SWT in our lives, our physical lives begin to see positive changes. This is important towards allowing us the mental space required to evaluate our lives and make the necessary environmental alterations so that lasting positive change can happen.

It is also important to think about what makes this habit so difficult to break. Habits typically function in the following three steps: 1) trigger, 2) routine, 3) reward. A point of consideration would be friends who go clubbing or other venues which encourage the behaviour for you. Removing oneself from situations that are a trigger can help towards breaking the habit.

It would be advisable to speak openly with your partner about marriage so that you can become halal for one another. 

I pray this reply has been helpful for you. Please connect with your supports so that you do not feel like you are alone in your struggles. Good friends and positive communication with those closest to us go a long way. 

Sincerely,

Your brother in Islam,

“Fatima MA”