My Mother Has Been Abusing Me Since I Was 9
Hello, I’m a 17 year old female from the UAE and my mother has been abusing me for 8 years… When my parents got divorced, thats when the abuse has started. The oldest memory I remember is when she dragged me into her room by my hair and she broke 5 hangers one me.. my legs were bleeding, i was begging for her to stop… years later i asked her why she did that to me, she tells me that she doesnt remember that she did that to me and that i probably deserved it… another time i remember is when i was in 8th grade, i was failing almost all of my classes because i developed severe depression and thats when my eating disorder has started… by the end of the year, while i was studying, she would tell me that im stupid and that i would fail the year and that all that i would ever be is a failure… and i believed her… and thats exactly what happened. i failed most of my exams and i repeated the year.. the abuse has always been an off and on thing.. im starting to notice that she only is nice to me when she needs something from me… my sisters and i have called the police three times, the third time is when i was terrified from my mom and i locked myself into a room downstairs and she started threatening me that she would break the door open and she would beat me up.. after that, i locked myself up into the bathroom because she was banging and hitting the door and it really felt like she was going to break the door, and thats when i called the police.. honestly, they did nothing.. the officer just talked to her and left, and when we came back home, she started to yell at me again.. she would also tell me that everyone would have a better life if i was dead and that i should just go kill myself, and that her life is hell because of me… recently she has been abusing me more and more and i dont feel safe at home… this past few weeks she abused me 4 times… the first one was awful, i woke up in the morning to see her before she goes to work, and she started to tell me that i didnt eat enough yesterday, but yesterday she told me that the amount that i ate was good, and i slept after that meal, which is why i only ate once. i explained that to her and she was still mad at me, then she told me to drink milk every morning, i told her that i cant because im lactose intolerant, and the second i started mentioning the alternatives that i could have she slapped me and she pulled my hair and threw me on the floor, she then sat on top of me, pinned my face on the floor and pulled my arm behind my back, it felt like she was going to dislocate it and i started to scream from the pain, my oldest sister ran into the room and pushed her off of me and started yelling at her, she still tried to hit me but my sister kept stopping her… the second time was when she slapped me and pulled my hair and almost broke my ukulele on me… my older sister came in again and threatened to call the police if she doesnt stop and she refused to leave the room because she was scared that she would abuse me again… the third time was when i was talking to my little sisters and she just ran downstairs to me and she started to pull my hair and hitting me with whatever she had near her. she was telling me to not talk to her… when in fact, i wasnt talking to her, i was talking to my little sisters… the fourth time was 3 days ago, she started to pull my hair and she hit me with the blucky part of an extension plug… thats when i contacted child protective services and i when i went to school, i went to the nurse for an ice pack because it was too painful to move my arm and to walk… she asked to see my arm, and when i refused she told me that she cant give me an ice pack if she doesnt know whats wrong. i had no choice so i showed her my arm and she saw the bruise (it was blue) and my self harm scars (which were a week old)… she had no choice but to report it to the school and they found out about me reporting to CPS and that she abused me… it reached to the highest level of authority and i had to talk to the vice principal and a couple of people who work in the school administration… i had to write some weird confidential paper that i dont feel safe at home and that i would like some help… the next day they told me that maybe she has a reason to abuse me, like stress, she is a single mom, work, etc… and thats not an excuse to abuse your child and im 100% sure that im this way because she has been abusing ever since i was a kid… she tells me that shes stressed because of my anorexia, but i developed it because of her, and she tells me that she hits me because i self harm, but i self harm because of the abuse…. i dont know if what i did was wrong and im scared that CPS are not doing anything and that they will brush my situation away because of the way my culture portrays child abuse as discipline… im too scared to stay under the same roof as my mother, and i cant go to my father because he doesnt even care about me and my sisters and he barely knows a thing about us and we dont know anything about him.. im too scared about whats going to happen in the future and if i really do deserve all of the times my mother hit me..
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
Your post has some very heartbreaking stories in it. I am truly sorry you have had to endure these things and from someone that you love and hope would behave in a loving manner towards you.
I am not sure what country you are currently living in, but it seems that you are getting the message from some people that what you are experiencing is unacceptable and the message from others that the way your mother treats you is excusable or somehow your fault. As another post explains on more detail – no behavior deserves the level of reaction that you describe.
I imagine there is a part of you that doesn’t like what is happening but also tries to keep it a secret so that your mom doesn’t get in trouble. That is a normal feeling.
My concern for you is that you describe violence that leaves serious physical injuries. I hope you are getting medical treatment for your injuries. If not, it is important that you do. Our bodies are entrusted to us by Allah and one if our responsibilities is to keep them safe and healthy.
It might be frightening to have others see the extent of the harm the injuries cause you. When they are examined by a qualified medical professional, you will get the physical care you need. You may also get guidance on what the process is to get yourself into a safer situation. If your culture doesn’t usually support people talking about family problems or leaving their family of origin for these reasons, you may need to keep going a few times to get treatment for your injuries before they may help you in the way you need it.
I know there are many other posts on this site that might provide you additional guidance on how to work through a situation like yours. If you have more things you want us to respond to, please post again.
Wa ‘alaykum salaam,
Your sister in Islam
“Fatima Z”
Please also view Fatima’s response and other supportive comments on the related post: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2019/08/12/where-does-child-abuse-and-respecting-ones-parents-in-islam-intermingle/
