Severe mental health issues
Dear Fatima
I’m a 21 year old girl going through some of the absolute worst times of my life because of my mental health. I have been trying therapy for years with no relief in sight and I’m tired of myself. Fatima I would have killed myself with how things have been but my only saving point is that I believe in Allah. My parents hate me and are tired of my mental illness issues and more than that I hate myself. I have severe ocd combined with anxiety. I have maybe 2 friends and then too I neve get to see them. I feel like my life is a waste. I’m doing ok with school alhamdulillah but everything else has become a game of survival. Please help me please, what do I do with myself when I’m so far from even being comfortable I’m mu own skin?
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Dear sister,
I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I am so thankful you have decided to write in, and I hope you find some light to follow soon. I am sorry you are not happy with your results in therapy up to now, however I don’t want you to be discouraged with therapy over all. Consider seeking out a new therapist that might work better with you. Don’t feel like you need to settle with a therapist, you want to make sure you are happy with who you are seeing.
First, I want you to know you are not alone. I understand OCD and anxiety can be very isolating and crippling, however there are many people who really do understand what you are going through even when it feels like no one does. Unless you have OCD it can be very difficult to understand, as such I do not think your parents hate you. I do feel they do not understand OCD as it really affects you. It might be helpful to sit down with your parents and your therapist and allow them to ask your therapist questions so they can be better informed. It might also be helpful for them to meet other parents of children who have OCD. Additionally it can be helpful for you to also meet others with OCD. I believe this in itself can help you develop a strong sense of self-worth. Try to surround yourself with friends that you can share your struggles with. When you are down on yourself, it can be very isolating, however if you have good friends that are compassionate and understand what you are going through, it can help you recognize negative thoughts you are having and help improve your self-worth.
Also, take small steps – when you are feeling down, know its ok. You might want to try journaling at this time. Try writing out your thoughts, read them to yourself and out loud and allow yourself to hear your thoughts. In time you will be able to recognize negative thoughts and be able to improve your self-worth.
In addition, prayer is such a powerful tool, praying always bring clarity. In addition to salat, sit by yourself, without a device or distraction, for a few minutes. Look inside. Notice your thoughts as they come up. Get to know your mind. At this time talk to Allah, create a relationship with Allah outside of salat.
Another way to improve your state of mind it by doing something to help others. Whether it is by visiting your local nursing home or volunteering at the masjid, helping others can really help you feel better about yourself, it can also help you meet you other people.
You are not a waste of time, you are a beautiful woman. Continue therapy and inshaAllah in time you will find some relief in this. Remember, you are never alone, “…We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.” (Quran 50:16).
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima SD”
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Asalaam-o-alaiku
I wanted to let you know that regardless of your mental health issues, you are strong and brave to ask for help by sending this message.
It sounds like you are going through severe depression. I don’t know if you’re on medication or not currently. I would recommend that due to the severity of your depression I would suggest you see a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety. You possibly need medication in order to lift the constant thick fog you’re in (which is the depression and anxiety) and that’s why therapy is not working. You might also think about changing to another therapist who specializes in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). That approach is focused on teaching clients important coping skills to improve the overall quality of their lives.
Struggling with suicidal thoughts is a tough battle for sure. I cannot even imagine the mental turmoil you would be going through when you’re having these thoughts. You holding on to Allah (SWT) and His mercy is the most important thing that you can do. Your life is not a waste (even though it might seem like that to you) because as per Islam, Allah (SWT) has bigger and better plans for all of us. He is All-Merciful, All-Knowing.. so He never abandons us. Sometimes we human beings have to go through different struggles in life because we have to change for what is to come. Allah (SWT) prepares us for what is coming next. I know when one is going through severe depression it’s very difficult to focus on the positives and even to hold on to your faith. But trust me when I say this, Allah (SWT) listens!! So please do not give up on Him.
I would also suggest that you call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1800-273-8255 as they’re available 24/7 and the conversation is always kept confidential. You definitely need the support because any kind of mental health issues is isolating.
Focus on school as that is very much in your control and since you are doing okay there, the small accomplishments are what will fuel your motivation and encourage you to move on.
I will be praying for you,
Take care,
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima SA”
Nada Elessawy
Asalamu Alaikum,
Thank you for letting me into your thoughts. It is never an easy thing, no matter how often you do it, and requires an enormous amount of courage. I am honestly so proud of you for reaching out even when you have been trying therapy. This shows me that you have an incredible amount of determination, a determination that can take you places and allow you to accomplish your goals.
If the therapist that you are currently seeing is not helping you, then please do try to find a different one, one that is more intune with you and understanding of your situation. If you find that your current therapist does not seem to understand your cultural background, try to find one that shares the same one as yours, or a similar background.vI know it may seem daunting, but it will definitely be worth it in the long run. You can also try to bring your parents with you to therapy, both as a means for them to truly understand how legitimate what you’re going through is, and to make your therapy sessions more fruitful. If you don’t think you’re ready to bring you parents to therapy with you yet, that is perfectly reasonable. As an alternative, you can ask for advice from someone that knows your parents, whether it be a family friend, sibling, aunt/uncle, or even a friend of yours that knows your parents. The important thing is to find some insight that will help equip you with ways to deal with your situation.
Having a saving point is so immensely important, and it is absolutely amazing that yours is Allah. Faith, in even your saddest of times, is a beautiful thing to hold onto. You can, of course, have multiple saving points. It is not wrong to find salvation in religion and other things as well. For instance, your escape can be a book or movie that transports you to a world of your own liking. I think your two friends can also become another saving point for you. While you don’t get to see them often, you can always coordinate with them and video chat/facetime. I started college last year, and ended up going to a different university than my two closest friends, so we made it a point to video chat once every week or two. Those few hours of chatting every-so-often became an event that I looked forward to, and really benefited me. You can also talk about the silliest of things with them, memories you’ve had together, or old and kind of embarrassing stories that’ll make you laugh until your stomach hurts. In the few moments you can, try to meet up with them, mark it on your calendar, revel in the joy it brings you. I think these small things that make you happy pile up and will really help you along the way.
Goals in life can be made at any point. If even in the short term, set different goals for yourself, and reward yourself each time you’ve accomplished one. Be proud of yourself. Being good at school is a key that opens so many opportunities for you. So try to find something that you’re passionate about, and pursue it with all your might. You’re smart and gifted, so I know that you’ll be able to accomplish it, even if there are many bumps along the way. Joining clubs could also help you find something you like, a hobby to immerse yourself into, or a really great person that you can become friends with. So I think that you should definitely try and join one. Look around and see one that catches your eye, you’ll be surprised with what you find.
Liking yourself is something that we all grow into. Start by looking into yourself and finding traits that you’re proud of, or traits that you know others like, and learn to love them, as your friends have. Ask your friends which traits of yours they absolutely adore, and be proud of those traits. Also, know that undesirable habits can be changed, it takes time, but if you’re determined you can change yourself in a way that you prefer. But from the bottom of my heart, I believe that someone that holds Allah as their saving point cannot be a bad person. In fact, I believe that it is an indication of being an amazing person that is loved by Allah. So while you may have some flaws, in the same way that I have flaws or that everyone else has flaws, I genuinely believe that you are a great person. A person that you can accept and love. If you doubt your self worth, please know that there is always someone thinking about you—wondering whether you’re doing ok and whether you’re happy. And that person absolutely adores you.
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam
HA18
Salaam sister,
I am so sorry you are going through such a tough situation. Anxiety and OCD are difficult situations for sure and just the anxiety itself can be crippling in anyone’s life. I think what is making things worse is that your family and friends are not the ideal support system. I feel like you need to make some life adjustments and develop a plan with your therapist which is inclusive of you, your parents/family, and other members of your support system. Has your therapist ever had a few sessions with your parents? It sounds like they need to talk to a professional on how to best parent this situation. One of the Fatima responses suggested finding another therapist and although sometimes it seems like a lot of work because you’ve already established a relationship with the one your seeing now, do not be reluctant of the option of seeking out another. I expect that when things settle with you and your parents, you will find it easier to take the next step with friends. In general, I would take it easy on yourself when it comes to friend expectations. When you have anxiety, sometimes you just can’t go through with the social situation. Don’t place that expectation and burden on yourself. It’s ok, you will make friends with time and you’re not losing out on anything in life right now by having just one or two.
Alhamdullilah that your saving point so far has been Allah swt. The fact that you have continued on means that Allah loves you very, very much and that there is goodness in store for you. Please continue to journey on. It is very clear to me, just from reading the few lines in your submission, that you are a reflective person with an understanding, loving, and compassionate heart. It is clear that you are someone with good intentions. Who you are will help you continue your journey with success.