Friendship vs heartbreak? How to deal w depressed loved ones?

Salam, I’m a 20 year old girl and I am having a very difficult time dealing with heartbreak. When I was 15 me and this boy developed feelings for each other but after a few months he cut it off because his parents had found out and being in a haram relationship at such a young age was not practical. After that, we were friends for a few months but then I decided to cut him off as a friend too. After doing so, my heart was able to fully heal and I was finally feeling content within myself and ready to be open to meeting someone else in the future. After about a year and a half(after starting uni at age 18), me and this boy became friends again and he eventually revealed that he still had feelings for me and they never really truly went away but I was very hesitant because at that point in my life I didn’t feel like I wanted to be in a relationship. But eventually he convinced me to give him a second chance because we are older now, I don’t regret that at all. We spent a year and a half together and it was a great year and a half and we grew really close. But recently he unexpectedly broke up with me due to his own depression and personal problems, he said it isn’t my fault at all and I did nothing wrong he is just not in a place in his life to be in a relationship. Obviously even if we are not in a relationship, he is still my best friend and I want to be there for him. I’m also worried that he is trying to isolate himself and pushing his loved ones away. We have been talking frequently as friends but I’m not sure if I should just leave him alone and not talk as friends or be there for him. He has mentioned that the break up wasn’t because a lack of love between us so a part of me hopes once he works on himself we can get back together because I don’t see myself marrying anyone else. But I feel like this way of thinking may be dangerous as I don’t want to have that expectation when it is not the realty but it’s hard to stop myself from thinking like that. I obviously want to be there for him as his best friend, because we were best friends before it all, but I’m scared it may end up hurting me. He told me he would like to have me in his life as his best friend obviously but is okay with not talking if it hurts me. I know it was hard for him and hurt him a lot to break things off between us for his mental health.

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Salaam sister, 

I can totally understand and relate to how you’re feeling. Your empathy is your biggest strength however you need to also be mindful and take care of your heart. As your priority is YOU, even Allah (SWT) says that. If you do not take care of yourself, then no one will take care of you. You sound like a good person and want to help your friend out as he’s going through this tough time. But then also know that you are not trained to handle the overwhelming feelings that he could be unloading on to you. You can possibly talk and convince him to seek out professional help to work through his mental health problems. 

You can also let him know that you can be a supportive “friend” to him only. I know it is going to be difficult to completely break yourself away from him but as a Muslim, you know that Allah (SWT) has greater and far better plans for all of us. Have faith in Allah (SWT), if you guys are meant to end up together then Allah (SWT) will make that happen however if you’re not meant to be then He will (inshAllah) bring an even better, loving, stable, caring person in your life. You are just 20 years old sister and have your entire life ahead of you. Don’t let feelings for one person cloud your judgment. Help him out which is the right thing to do but take care of yourself in the process as well. 

I will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam

“Fatima U”