Prayer problems
Female, 13
I Don’t Pray, That’s Not My Only Problem Though, I Always Lie About It. Once In A While My Mom Will Catch Me Lying And I Will Feel Guilty About Not Praying And Start To Pray Again. It Only Lasts For About A Week Then I Gradually Stop Praying Again, My Mom Will Catch Me Lying Again And The Cycle Just Keeps Going. How Do I Start Praying Permanently And Have A Real Connection With Allah? The Reason I Always End Up Stopping Is Because Of Laziness And Not Feeling Anything When I Pray. How Do I Stop This Cycle Once And For All?
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
Many people that I have worked with have said that they stopped praying at some point in their lives… or that the meaning of their prayer has slipped away. It’s common for lots of people to struggle with this at different points in their lives. After all, as the hadith says, imaan goes up and down.
I think if we forget that working on our relationship with Allah (swt) is a constant process, it’s only natural that our prayer will lose its power. So spend some time assessing your relationship with Allah (swt).
Ask yourself:
- Do I believe Allah (swt) exists?
- Who do I think Allah (swt) is?
- What does prayer mean (or not mean) to me?
- What does the Qur’an mean (or not mean) to me?
- What are all the “shoulds” I think I should be doing … like I should believe in Allah… and do I really believe them? Why or why not?
These are just a few questions to get yourself started.
I think we are often afraid to look at our imaan deeply. Maybe it’s because we think everyone else doesn’t have doubts or we have been taught that doubts are haraam. Ibrahim (as) had questions, and he asked Allah (swt) for help with them. The two things about that story that really strike me is that Ibrahim (as) knew what his questions were, and that he had the courage to ask them. By being clear about which questions he (as) needed answered, you see that in all subsequent stories Allah (swt) tells us about him in the Qur’an highlight his unshakable faith… the kind of faith that helped him face and overcome any challenge that was presented to him.
Once you’ve completed your own self-assessment, you might find that you believe in Allah (swt) but don’t feel the purpose of prayer; perhaps you find that you aren’t sure that Allah (swt) exists. Perhaps you find something else. Whatever you find will guide your ideas about what you want to do next, and what your goals are for yourself.
Part of growing up is taking responsibility for our own journeys in life. Asking ourselves the tough questions and being honest with ourselves about the answers in an important step in taking responsibility for ourselves in the future. It’s a tough process at times, but can also very empowering.
I wish you courage to see the truth of your own struggle, and the clarity of mind and heart to articulate where you go from here.
Wa ‘alaykum salam,
Fatima Z
As Salaam Alaikum Dear Sister,
I think it is very commendable that you are keeping a vigilant eye upon yourself regarding the level of your faith, and the love of Allah in your heart. This indicates the presence of consciousness of Allah (taqwa), and a desire for self-improvement. May Allah grant you further guidance upon The path. Ameen.
I understand what you are going through, salat is something everyone can struggle with time to time –feeling praying is just rituals and motions. The times we feel high, it can take us far but quickly can be overcome with laziness. When I notice a lack of interest in my salat, I try to reengage in what I am saying – so I learn a new surah, not just memorizing, but reading the English and making sense of the entire surah.
Also, while I am making the motions and repeating things, I try to think about what it is I am saying in English. You don’t even have to be fluent in Arabic. For example, you can chose a word or two to focus on such as Rabb which means Lord and Hamd which means praise. In Surah Fatiha we say “Alhamdullilahhi Rabbil Aalameen”, all praises to Allah Lord of the worlds. You can also place the word into context of the salat, so for example when we get up from ruku’ (bowing), we say “Rabbana wa laka hamd”, Our Lord, all the praises are for you. During this time you can remind yourself that you are praising your Lord and He is hearing this praise, reminding yourself that you are truly talking to Allah. In my opinion, the key is to really feel like you are engaging with Allah. Recreate this relationship between you and Allah, and personalize it. Speak to Him and tell Him exactly how you feel. Pray with sincerity and focus (khushoo), and salat won’t seem like a chore or rituals.
I truly hope this helps. May Allah keep preserve your taqwa and envelope you in His Rahma.
Sincerely
Your sister in Islam
“Fatima X”
