Please please help me
Salaams,
I am a 20 year old girl living in the U.S., and I am really struggling with keeping a good opinion about Allah SWT. I feel like I am constantly comparing myself to others and at the same time seeing everything that happens to me as really bad and difficult. I constantly feel like Allah has left and abandoned me. I feel like I am eternally cursed with bad luck, no good friendships, tons of enemies and a hard academic life in college. Please help me before I commit suicide, please tell me why I should stay alive in my dire state of misery.
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
Comparing ourselves to others starts as a natural process; its how we make sense of and organize the world. We can use it to help ourselves grow or it can become a destructive obsession.
For me, the piece I watch in myself to know which kind of comparing I am doing is the tone of voice I use. Am I saying the comparison with humility if I feel I’m “ahead” of the other person? Is it said with rahmah (mercy) towards myself if I’m “behind” another?
If I can’t find either humility or rahmah then I know I’ve got to get myself back on track.
Another way to check is “would I speak this way to someone else?” If the answer is no, then why would you choose to treat yourself more harshly than others? Our self is a gift from Allah. Why would we abuse it? Would Allah gift something that is inherently bad or evil? That sounds like it would go against what we know about Allah.
So if we ourselves aren’t inherently bad, then what keeps us from finding and appreciating the value of our self?
When people reach for suicide, they are often overwhelmed or discouraged or feeling hopeless and they can’t see any other way out.
I would encourage you to find a counselor to help you explore if there are any alternate ways to navigate through your situation. They may also be a great resource for you as you continue your journey to find your inherent worth and value. It’s there. It just needs to be uncovered.
Wa alaykum salam,
Fatima “FM”
Brother " Y "
Walaikum asalam Sister,
The people who Allah loves the most are tested the most. The prophets faced the hardest tests. We have to live with prayers and patience. Keep up your five daily prayers and pray on time. Read a page of the Quran in Arabic with English translation after fajr prayers daily. Try to pray tahajjud at night. Fast on Mondays, Thursdays and on the full moon days ( 13th, 14th, 15th of the islamic calendar ).
Allah says in the Quran, ” with difficulty comes ease “. We need to contemplate the meaning of this verse. Life is a struggle for everyone, there is no doubt about it.
On the flip side, if we feel that life is easy and wonderful, then we need to be worried because that is never the case. Our soul is constantly fighting a battle ( Jihad al-nafs ). Sister, your story is the battle. There is no strength except from Allah. Always have a good image about Allah because Allah is your strength. Think about your blessings. Look at people who are not as fortunate as you. People are dying because they don’t have food to eat or clean water to drink. People are dying in countries involved in war. There are people who are homeless, blind, deaf and disabled. Count your blessings sister and you will thank Allah.
My prayers are with you.
Regards.
Brother ” Y “
Pure Light
As salaamu Alaikum Beloved,
I remember a few rough times in my life that I felt Allah had left me or didn’t even know I existed. Suicide was also on my menu. I figured I was a praying person and when I begged for the experience to stop, it didn’t. Well needless to say I made it through that experience and many since then. It was difficult in the moment but I kept praying and just holding fast to the fact that I was a good person and deserved good. I deserved peace and happiness. Well, here I am older and wiser. I realized that although I didn’t like what I was feeling having had them has been a priceless gift . I am able to share my story of success and triumph with others in need on a daily bases. I decided to no longer compare myself to others but make a plan to validate myself by my standards everyday. I realized I was not along with my pain and others were feeling the same as I was. I decided to commit to 1 task everyday in exchange for my personal safety. That one thing was to give what I needed in any of my darkest days, a genuine smile form someone that saw me. I mean really saw me not just the female in front of them. Saw my goodness, my kindness, my God fearing self, my compassionate self, my woman deserving of love and what I call SIMPLE KINDNESS. I decided i could no longer have suicide as an option and took to the task of self validation. I’m sure you are an amazing person with amazing things to offer the world. Allah (swa) did not put you here on this earth just to take up space. But, learning what our gifts are don’t always come easy. Just hang in there sister. Spend more time in dhikr as you walk to and from places. Don’t stay around people that talk foolish of negatively. WRITE!!! Write yourself notes of love and compassion you would love to come from someone else. Give that wonderful gift to yourself as I did. I struggle at times with wanting better but learned to say out loud, THANK YOU ALLAH FOR THE FLOORS, DOORS, WALLS, WATER, LIFE AND MENTAL STABILITY. Being grateful for the stuff I am aware of help me to see some good while feel down. I pray I have said something to comfort and encourage you. I’m praying you are awarded the opportunity to look back and see the blessing in this struggle. Hold tight beloved, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.