Please please help me out
I am a 21 year old girl in U.S.
every single day I hate myself more. I just want someone to love me, hug me, show me affection. why am I of so much disgust to people that no one loves me? Why do people not understand tha I want to be loved too? Fatima, I have sexual urges every day and night, I have friends that are very “touchy, feely” but they are never like that with me. They are not even friends to be honest, they only like my sister. Fatima, it hurts me so bad its like someone is wounding me with a gun. Why can no one love me for who I am? Why can’t I find someone to love me too Fatima. WHY am I not worth it to anyone? My parents won’t let me get married, I just keep crying all night because “people” I know never love me and give me hugs. Why do I deserve this terrible test Fatima, I have been suffering for more than 2 years now. please please help me Fatima
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Assalamu Alaikum Sister,
Thank you so much for reaching out to us for support. It is part of our natural human inclinations to desire love and affection especially from our friends and family. How we search for and accept love stems from the quality of our relationship with primary caregivers which is typically our parents. Many times our automatic reactions pushes us to search for love and affection elsewhere when we do not feel sufficiently loved by those in our family. Unfortunately, I have witnessed this path to result in worse situations, such as unfulfilling sexual relationships, strained or failed marriages, or inability to appropriately parent their own children.
Instead of seeking out new relationships, what is in our best interests, is to work through our strained or conflictual relationships with our parents and siblings. Although this may seem the more difficult route, this is the only way we can guarantee healthy relationships with future spouses and/or children. The aid of a family therapist can contribute to success in this endeavor. A healthier relationship with your parents will not only fulfill your desire for love and affection, but seeing their positive regard for you will increase your self-worth and self-esteem. Then inshaAllah, you will not longer hate yourself and even learn to love yourself. If you become the person you yourself can love, those around you will just as easily love you as well.
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam
Fatima “AH”
Brother " Y "
Dear Sister,
The feelings that you are going through are normal. You are noticing that people like your sister more than you. There must have been a time when those people were not around. During that time your sister might be going through the same feelings that you are going through now.
Just be patient. Your time will come too, inshaAllah, and there will be people who show affection to you. Keep up your five daily prayers. Read Quran, one page, daily after fajr with translation. Fast on Mondays and Thursdays. Fast on the 13th, 14th and 15th of the islamic month ( i.e the full moon days ).
You said that you have been feeling like this since two years. I don’t know when things will change for you but you need to be patient. This is the only way to survive, live and be happy.
Sincerely,
Brother ” Y “