Facing Harrassment

Hi Fatima. I just turned 16 yesterday. Im a young Muslim girl and everything was going great in life until Ramadan. During Ramadan, I was approached by an auntie, or a friend of my parents. She hinted a marriage request from her son, and I thought it was strange. I’d known him through our parents, seen him around. We’d talked a few times, but nothing more. Her son was 20, and I was just 15. I told my msa president whose a close friend. I laughed it off, thinking thus thing was minor. The next week there was a house party in which “A”*, the guy, kept trying to talk to me. He eventually told me he told his mom to ask me that. Again, I told my friend and it all went back to normal. I began to feel scared. I didn’t tell anyone though. Then eid came, and we were at the masjid. I saw “A” and felt uncomfortable. I quickly got my food and tried to leave when he came up. He had some blue bag with him. I tried to leave but he held my hand. I freaked, and left. Later, his sister gave me the blue bag. I opened it in the car, and inside was a ring. I got a message telling me it was a proposal ring. I knew this was going to end badly. I was worried all day at eid, and finally told my friend. He messaged “A” and tried to straighten it out. “A” only grew more mad. I saw him at this party, and I noticed he was always staring. He was constantly messaging me the most terrifying things and how I should love him. I stay away from guys, and I ignored him. But things got worse, to a point where he came to my house. I refused him several times. At my friends graduation party, he threatened to show up. lucky for me, I left in time. This whole time, I had barely told anyone. I was glad when we went to Pakistan the next day. It went great that first week. I bonded with my family and explored a bit. I had a cousin named “H”* who was a bit intrusive. Always wanted to talk to me. We went on a trip and he tried holding my hand. In the car I told him he needed to stop. He twisted my wrist and told me he didn’t care. When my mom asked why my wrist was bruised, I lied. He made excuses to talk to me, even got inappropriate physically. I dodged it each time thankfully. but I felt scared in my own house. He used to make excuses to come into my cousins room at night and it made me uncomfortable. One day on the rooftop I was assaulted. In this entire thing, I had my cousin and my friend back in the US to confide to. but I never told anyone the whole thing. I still remember being pinned yet helpless. I bit his hand and got away. the next day we left that city. I felt relieved not seeing “H”. but I was sinking into depression, although I denied it. I was nearly suicidal once we got to Multan. Through this, I told my friend. I refrained from telling him the whole thing to avoid the topic. We eventually came back to America, and I felt weak. School started. Then the “A” stuff came back. “A” was beginning to send explicit texts. At my cousins mehndi, he tried to corner me and tried sweet talking me. I got away again, yet barely. At home I cried. I cried nonstop and realized how broken I was becoming. I wasn’t strong like what everyone saw, trying to be a leader. The “A” things continued until he went away to Pennsylvania. I feel safer now although I still get the messages. my friend convinced me to tell my dad, which I reluctantly did. I now have an angry dad, whose abusive as is. But now I know what he’ll do to “A”. I don’t need the violence. Through this, I’ve turned to Islam. Much more. I pray consistently now, and make dua. but I feel broken on the inside. I can’t get past the 6 months of harassment along with pretending I’m good and maintaining a good academic and extracurricular record. I see my personality becoming isolated, and I need to get out of the cycle. But I fret so much about the past events that I worry I’m going to be my own downfall

Salaam sister,

I want you to know that you are one strong and brave young woman. MashAllah and Alhamdulilah for these qualities. Also, Allah SWT is the One protecting you from these abusive men. Do seek His guidance and blessings and inshAllah He will never let you down.

I would highly recommend that you seek professional help as that will help you with the depression and isolation you are sinking in. It will also help you resolve any other underlying issues (i.e., growing up in a negative, invalidating environment, having an abusive parent, etc.). And, it will help you become confident that you can face these bullies and tell them to leave you alone! I would suggest that you seek either a Muslim counselor or someone who has worked with Muslim clients.

The thing about bullies is that they like to torture people because to them it feels good to have that power and be able to manipulate others. One thing that you have to keep in mind that bullies either have or are still being bullied themselves at home or at work AND they have no control over those situations therefore they assert their control over others who they perceive as weak. BUT, you are NOT weak! Allah SWT has given you rights and has made you strong! You have to own that. Read Surat-ul-Nisa with translation and listen to lectures from scholars like Mufti Menk on YouTube about women’s rights in Islam in order to familiarize yourself about your rights. Also, block both the bullies’ numbers and emails ASAP! As a person living in the US, you have a right to be safe and can press charges against them if need be. InshAllah such a drastic measure might not be necessary but you CAN DO THAT! I know it’s daunting and scary but at the end of the day, these are just bullies and you can rise about them inshAllah.

Worrying about the past will do nothing for you. If you continue to worry about the past and the future, then what are you missing out on? The present! You have your whole life in front of you. Don’t fret. Have faith in Allah SWT as nothing happens without His will.
I hope you find peace and become the strong person Allah SWT wants you to be.

Your sister in Islam,

“Fatima U”

*Names have been edited by admin to protect privacy.