I’m slowly killing myself, PLEASE help
Dear Fatima,
I have known my cousin for almost a whole year now. Yep, she is the one that I posted about earlier. She left me and stays at my aunt’s house and I have always missed her beyond words since she has left me. But she hates me so much right now, my heart is going to explode. she hasn’t ever said it straight to me but I can tell she hates me Fatima. She doesn’t reply to my messages for hours. when im the one there dying and crying in anxiety and unstoppable tears, she refuses to pick up her phone and talk till hours later. Then I have to pretend likes i’m all okay. She says I have a problem because when she doesn’t answer I call and message her so many times. I know it is bad to do that but she isn’t understanding of my super anxiety problem! I have told her so many times not to change plans on me, but she hasn’t hung out with me for the last 4 weeks and I think i’m going to badly hurt myself if I don’t get help now. I don’t mind talking to her; I know I can tell her anything but she seems to not understand my anxiety at all. PLEASE help me Fatima, there is NO therapist that has been able to help me so far and i’m trusting you and Allah SWT only
Assalamu ‘alaykum,It sounds like you are struggling to find somebody who will really get what you are experiencing and be able to help you through it. From your previous posts it seems like you had hoped you had found that person in your cousin.Yet I wonder, is your cousin really equipped to be there for you in the way that you wish her to be? It seems like she is trying to be understanding but that she may not have the training or the experience of life to be able to be helpful in the way that you need her to be.I’m sorry that you have not been able to find a counselor or a therapist that has been a good fit. Perhaps somebody with more life experience than your cousin, like an aunt or uncle, a mentor who is several years older than you, etc., would be a better choice of person to reach out to.The people who will be able to be most helpful will be people who have training and experience working with people and supporting people who struggle with issues similar to yours.It definitely sounds like you’re in pain and it’s something you need help with. I hope that you can find one or more people who have the capacity to support you as you figure out how to navigate that pain. InshaAllah with the proper support you will be able to move through it and find a brighter tomorrow.Wa ‘alaykum salam,Sincerely,Your SIster in Islam,“Fatima FM”
Anonymous
ASC. Life is so tough, full of adversities and challenges. If your going to confide in someone turn to Allah and cry your heart out to him. I myself have no one to talk too as well. and there are days when I don’t converse with a soul and it make me feel very lonely.
HA18
salaams,
it must be hard to feel alone and abandoned by your cousin who you care about so much. it sounds like your cousin loves you too but just isn’t equipped or feel comfortable with being able to support you properly with your anxiety. please do not think because she may feel uncomfortable helping you, that she does not love you. i wish she could be someone for you who you could reach out to and who could support you the way you need, but know that if it is not her, Allah has someone else planned for you that you need to go out, trust the journey, and find. It may be that through this, Allah is helping you learn strategies to be able to cope with the anxiety that relying on your cousin could not help with.
If you need a listening ear, please just keep posting on this site. Another resource if you need someone to chat with, is to go on 7cupsoftea.com. there are folks there who will be able to listen to you and chat with you online, anonymously. unfortunately none of us can actually solve the anxiety or any of the problems you, and others, face daily. but we are here to support you and let you know that you are not alone in facing these problems. I am wishing you the best and wishing you peace <3
FeelTheHeal
Hi Sweetheart,
I remember your earlier post. I will tell you this now, loud and clear just the way you need to hear it: let go. Every time you feel the urge to talk to her, write to us on here. Before your cousin makes you feel any worse….STOP. There are many, many more people you will meet in life. They will be much more receiving to your affection and kindness. Why are you spending so much precious time from your life making a joke of yourself? I am sorry, I know it may sound harsh- but I think you need to hear it. She’s a cousin…she’s not a God. Stop worshipping her existence. She is just a human like any other. I am sorry you lost such a close friend in her….but sending her non stop messages , calling her, and being so needy will only make her go further away from you.
Sweetie, give your mind some rest. Take a deep breath…appreciate this life which is yours to spend on yourself. You are missing a lifetime of opportunities …new hobbies, new friends, new books to read, new movies to watch, new knowledge in your amazing deen. And what use is this time where you chase someone who makes you want to hurt yourself? What use is it? It is of no value- not for you. Make your time valuable again, make it yours again.
You are a person with your own life. If one person doesn’t want to be a part of your life you can never force them. With dignity and maturity, accept it. We are here for you more than she probably will be. Write to us when you feel like reaching out to her. But please, let your own self find a chance to feel happiness and independence by letting go of the single most draining point in your life.
You got this sweetheart. You will always achieve what you set your mind to- so set your mind to bigger goals. Build yourself first, and you will never need to be so in need of another human. Allah will be sufficient for you.
Anonymous
Aa my dear,
You remind me a lot about myself. In middle/high school, I was very much attached to one friend in particular. However, I had this teacher who was a few years older than myself. She was new and I thought it would be cool to befriend her.. little did I know that she would become one of the most influential people in my life. That friend and I are no longer close, sadly. I see her occasionally, and wish her well whenever I do. She still holds a place in my heart, far deep-rooted than I could ever know, but we’ve drifted. It happens. I leaned on this teacher of mine during that time. When it happened, she was no longer my teacher, nor I her student, but we stayed in contact. She’s about 8 or 9 years my senior, so she’s been through all this, and is always a fresh perspective to have when I’m not sure where to turn. We can months without speaking or seeing each other, but I know that she’s just a call or text, or even a short drive away. It is not easy; I’m not saying it is. But the pain does get easier as time passes. People drift as they get older, because they are changing and finding themselves. Maybe once you both have matured and experienced a bit of life, you may find yourselves back to one another–more understanding between you then than there is now. But darling girl, please do not do anything rash over one individual. Allah SWT has gifted you with this beautiful life that you can offer so much to! Focus your energy on volunteer work with your masjid, with making friends for the sake of Allah SWT, and I hope that those things bring you as much ease as they had brought to me, insha’Allah. As always, we are always hear to listen and give our .02 as advice, but at the end of the day, it will be your decision to make. Please do let us know if there is anything else that we can do to help iA.
Love from one sister to another 🙂