Feelings

I am sixteen years old and a girl and recently over the past nine months I accidentally fell in love with a Muslim boy also of my age we never dated but we both knew our feelings for each other and sometimes acted like we were. We tried our best to resist temptation but it was too difficult and we decided to stop talking for Islam to lessen our feelings my heart is aching and I miss not the romantic stuff but the friendship that I had with him

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As Salaam Alaikum,

I hope this reaches you in good health and a strong state of Imaan. 

I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know it is not easy to deal with these emotions, but I must say you and your friend are dealing with this in a very mature way. SubhanaAllah I think it’s brilliant that at 16 you are so God conscious and aware of what is going on. That is something to hold proud to. Although it seems like a black hole has swallowed you up, I can assure you, you can get through this. You have many experiences ahead of you that will help you grow and inshaAllah with the amount of taqwa I can sense you have you will remain open to this path Allah has set for you. Taking time apart from one another can help but it if you do not approach your own emotional well being appropriately you can be left feeling alone, depressed and confused. I am so thankful you reached out to us so that we can offer some help with dealing with your emotions. 

Here are some things you can start doing to help you get through these emotions:

1. Exercise. Running, yoga, dancing are all things that can help. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body. Endorphins act as analgesics, which means they diminish the perception of pain. 

2. Pray, meditate, dhikr, talk to Allah. Call on him to help you. I know it may not seem like it’ll help but overtime it will be your sanctuary. It’ll give you ease and help you deal with pressures by taking a step back and seeing the larger picture. Meditation stimulates the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus, thus releasing endorphins. Meditation also increases production of serotonin, dopamine and melatonin, all related to positive moods, happiness and relaxation.

3. Talk to a professional therapist or a good well trusted friend in person. I know it may not seem like this is something that you would need a professional therapist for but talking to people can help give clarity to your thoughts. They too can offer some advice that you are not able to see. 

4. Paint and write your thoughts and emotions. These are both great ways to release energy and can help you understand and control your emotions. After you write down your thoughts, go back and read them outloud. This will help you better understand what you are going through. 

5. Get involved in helping your community. Join food drives, run or walk in a marathon, join a senior assistance program, or volunteer at a shelter. This can help you increase self-confidence, combat depression, and helps you stay physically healthy. 

I know this may seem like the end and that he is the one – but I am certain you will find someone when the time is right. And if this is the person for you then inshaAllah it will work out when the time is right. Trust in Allah and He will provide for you what is best. 

“Oh Allah, when I lose my hope and plans, help me remember that your Love for me is greater than my disappointments, and Your plans for me are better than my dreams” – Imam Ali (RA)

I hope this helps. Sending you lots of warm love,

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.” -Khalil Gibran

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam

“Fatima X”