verge of suicide/permanent panic attack mode because of my CARELESS family

Dear Fatima, in the simplest words, I have a careless family. Well, I have to say that my little brother is loving for the most part but my sister is horrifyingly rude and she is so crappy that she ignores me all the time, thinking she is cool. And whenever I am in the middle of asking her for something and being nice about it, my Dad comes in and makes me feel bad and THEN talks to her normally. It is like she is a perfectly clean queen and has no faults or errors and I am just a blind creature who is stupid. I hate my dad and my sister, they can be demons of hell at every moment, just when they need you or you do something incredible, they feel the need to become sweet little bunnies but I’m NOT dumb, I feel the pain and because of the constant pain, those rare moments of happiness can never cover up anything. Both my dad and my sister are and will always remain a “letter” on my phone, like D or S. Because they have no love for me, just a stupid title to show the world that we are indeed “related”  ;( What do I do??

To make everything even worst, my mom turns into the worst of demons at times. She won’t understand my point or even try to make me understand hers. She will just keep yelling at me for every damn thing and think that I am the stupid one who doesn’t understand anything. I don’t know how to talk to her.  I try to talk to her as patiently and kindly as possible but she refuses to see things in any way other than her own.

Fatima, there is nothing like a counselor where I live here in the U.S. No one can save me from the jahannum I am inside, please advise me!?!?!??

Assalamu ‘alaykum, 

 I can definitely see how hurt you feel.

It sounds like your relationships “burn” you on a lot of levels if you feel like there is a “jahannum inside”.

 I’m not sure how old you, so I will do my best to answer your question.

It’s very common for parents to have an easier time connecting with one child and have more trouble connecting with another child. Sometimes children think that there is something wrong with them and that is why their mother or father has trouble connecting with them. If you think that, there is nothing wrong with you. But only someone who understands families and is trained in helping them can help you figure where the trouble is.

 It does also sound like your family tries to talk things out when they are already angry. This is usually not a great idea.

Usually by the time people are really angry, they are not really able to have a rational discussion.

Here’s a link that might help explain what I’m talking about: http://cmhc.utexas.edu/fightingfair.html

From what you describe, I’m not sure printing this out for your family would work just yet but it might help you figure out how to start the trend of fighting more fairly by how you conduct yourself.

I’m not sure where you live, but there are counselors everywhere – and one that isn’t Muslim might be just as helpful as one who is.

You may even want to start with your school counselor (they have them in every public and usually most private schools).

 wa ‘alaykum salam,

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam,

“Fatima Z”

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Asalaamu Alaykum,

It must be really hard to try and contain all of the pain and frustration that your feeling without any support. It’s unfortunate that you don’t feel any positive connection or support from your family, but many people have similar experiences. Alhumdulillah you have your brother. No matter how young he may be it is still a blessing that you do at least have someone who is loving in your family. Perhaps you can spend more time with him to remind yourself that those positive feelings are possible.

You say that there is no counselor where you live in the US. Many counselors offer online counseling either via phone or video conference. And it may be that you can find someone in your area as well if you look into it and ask for referrals. I would highly recommend finding a counselor to talk to, especially if you are feeling on the verge of suicide and feeling that level of hopelessness. The fact of the matter is is that it is not hopeless. I know that it may really feel that way right now, but things change and shift and what may now seem like hell, as you put it, can be a doorway to something much better in the future. You just need to be patient and to look to other more positive things. A counselor can help you learn how to focus on those positive things and can help you come up with a plan to keep your self safe. At the very least it is really nice to have someone to talk to who can just listen and show compassion for what you are going through. This is something you deserve and it is something that can be available to you. All you need to do is seek it out. You have come here to this space looking for help, so I encourage you to continue and to use the resources on this site to find a counselor to talk to. 

We are all here to support you and help you realize that there is hope for a brighter future.

Sincerely,

Your brother in Islam,

“Fatima Y”