Addiction
Dear Fatima,
I have a friend who is in my MSA who is going through an addiction to pornography and masturbation. When we are at school, we notice that he spends too much time in the bathroom masturbating. We also found pornographic content on his phone. He reached out to me and the other members in hopes to end his addiction. Other than keeping good company, how can he tackle his addiction One on One?
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Assalamu ‘alaykum,Unfortunately, this is a problem that is increasingly common as pornography has become so easily accessible through computers and smart phones. It’s something that national organizations are talking about and trying to develop programs to help people who are becoming addicted to online pornography.
I use the word addiction seriously as there is evidence that people can become addicted to pornography in the same way that someone can become addicted to drugs or alcohol. There are brain studies that show some of the similarities.
There is a website with a program that works specifically with Muslims addicted to sex or pornography called “Purify your gaze”. There are also lots of support services through national organizations (here’s one example though I have no direct knowledge of the quality of their work: http://www.sexualrecovery.com/pornography-addiction/)
The hardest part of trying to be helpful for your friend is how to have this conversation with him.
It’s a really good sign that he reached out to you and wants help.
So it’s important to be compassionate and caring as you help him get connected to someone trained to work with people who are struggling with pornography addiction. Once that person does an assessment of what is going on for him and helps him come up with a plan, then you can ask how you can support him achieve that plan. I know it can be embarrassing subject to talk about with someone like a counselor, but I hope that he can find the strength because addictions are pretty hard to beat on your own.
May Allah (swt) make the road ahead easy for him.
wa ‘alaykum salam
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam
“Fatima Z”
HA18
Please try to be as supportive as possible to your friend. It’s really great that he reached out to his friends on such a private topic.
Maybe some basic things you could do is offer to “baby sit” his access to pornographic material at certain points in the day where he is most vulnerable. For example, if he finds time to search on his phone or computer at night, you guys could offer to keep his phone and computer away from him. These are very “cold turkey” methods that will not address the underlying issue of why he has gone so far into this in the first place. He will need to work with a professional to do that or join a support group. But at the very least, you are all showing your support and showing that your trying.
Having little celebrations when he reaches certain accomplishments can also show your support. For example, if he goes through a week without “relapsing”, you guys can go out for a treat.