An inch away from the gates of suicide
Dear Fatima, I can’t handle life anymore. I have given up on making friends, I have given up on happy family days, geez, I have even given up on getting good grades and my Allah, college is just one of those pretty pictures I can only dream about. Being a senior, I”m done with life, I’m just done. I can’t even type these words I’m typing without severe pain and difficulty. Fighting with my dad every day, getting bad news on the spot, seeing people awkwardly hate on me, why am I still alive? What even is my purpose but to die slowly in such chaos and tragedy? Fatima, is there anything you have to say, anything you can say before I let go of the rope? I am still here, I will be trying to listen, I will try Fatima, I will try. I’m at a point where no counseling and no human can heal, even I can’t heal myself.
Assalamu ‘ alaykum,
The fact that you are reaching out tells me that even in all the pain you feel there is a little part of you that has hope.
What does that little voice of hope want to tell you?
Allow it to speak and write down what it says.
Let that voice be the one that you hold onto when the world looks dark and the wind blows fiercely.
Second, go where there is light. That means find people that bring light into your life and sit with them. Or go to an emergency clinic and ask for help. Allow those people to hold your light for you when it becomes too hard to hold yourself.
Third, hold onto the everlasting Source of Light. Allah is the first, the last, the merciful, the one who cares for all. Reading Allah’s names will remind you that you are not alone and never will be. That you will always be heard and understood. That there is a plan even when you cannot see it.
The light always comes back.
Just as the night always comes, the sun always rises.May Allah’s light always be visible to you and may it give you strength.
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima Z”
Anonymous
Every day is a new beginning. 🙂 At any moment, you can decide to be the person you want to be and take control of your destiny. Allah is all forgiving and merciful.
HA18
Please don’t give up. It is obvious you are tired from all the things that are happening in your life. Family relationships, school, friends, entering college…it is a lot to deal with.
You are a beautiful person who is worthy of a beautiful life. Life is not peaceful for anyone. We may have some times in life that are more peaceful than others, but life can really throw us down on our faces sometimes and every second of being alive feels like such hard work.
You are allowed to have days like that. You are allowed to feel like you just want to give up.
But please remember, that it WILL pass. This too, shall pass. It is just a moment of time of extreme emotion that swallows us and suffocates us. But it WILL pass.
Please hold on to hope. Try to find a way to pass through the moment. Journal your thoughts and write a letter to Allah.
A lot of times we feel this strong disappointment because our expectations are not met. For example, your relationship with your dad is not up to your expectation. You want more from that relationship. These feelings of disappointment help us to see reality. Maybe your dad, who has some other positive traits, will never meet your expectations when it comes to some other things. Try to let it go. He will never be who you want exactly. His weaknesses are NOT your fault. They are his demons he has to live with. Instead of fighting, sometimes we have to learn to accept certain situations. When we learn to accept…we can then see things for what they really are and then finally be able to find a solution that will give us peace.
Praying for you to find acceptance and peace.