Confusion

I am a 16 year old girl and I became friends with this very nice Muslim boy and we became close and he told me he had feelings for me. We never acted upon the feelings and just continued being friends but his parents took his phone and read some texts and are very angry. I think I truly love him but I am too young

As salaamu alaykum

Love is definitely a confusing thing. When our hearts become attached to someone and we develop feelings for them it brings about all sorts of emotional experiences that can often cloud our mind and leave us in a state of confusion and yearning. 

I don’t think 16 is too young to truly feel love for someone. In fact it is probably quite common. What you are likely too young for is acting upon those feelings in the form of a serious relationship. So many things change for people at your age and this increases as you grow and mature over the course of the next few years. Any attachments that you have to people or places will likely not only cause confusion but can become obstacles to really becoming and accepting your full potential as an individual.

In order to have a healthy relationship of any kind, but especially one that involves romantic feelings, it is important, if not essential, for you as an individual to know who you are and to be confident in yourself and your own path and priorities. Because when you do committ to someone in that way, officially or not, you become engulfed in their world and you begin to make decisions based on your longing for them and to be with them and you tend to forget about your own path. The best type of love relationship is one where the two partners are not gazing into each other’s eyes but that they are looking forward on the path ahead together. But first you need to know what your path ahead is, or at least where you intend to point yourself in the direction of. 

The best thing for you to focus on in order to eventually have a healthy and beautiful relationship is first and foremost your relationship with Allah. That is the one relationship that will never go away or abandon you or not be the right timing. And Allah is the source of all Love. When you love someone what you are in love with is the reflection that that person shows you of “The Love”; Al Wadud- the aspect of Allah that is Love. Every person has this in them and we are attracted to the reflection of it in certain people. Try to focus on receiving that love for yourself and allow things to play out with this boy and any future boy in your life. Eventually if it is meant to be with someone it will be right and you will know it. 

Sometimes things happen as a blessing although we may not realize it at the time. You say that you are in love but your are too young. Based on your own words it sounds like you are not fully comfortable with the level to which your feelings developed for this boy. So perhaps this recent turn of events happened to protect you at your own wish or intention. Insha’allah this boy’s parents will come to understand that it was innocent and their anger will subside. And if, in the future, you two are meant to be for each other than there is nothing that can get in the way of that. You do not need to try to make it happen. Your only job is to work on undertanding yourself better, loving yourself and loving Allah. Then you will be better able to love someone else truly in the right way. Insha’allah.

Sincerely,

Your brother in Islam,

“Fatima Y”