Problems

Dear, Fatima I’m 16 year old girl who is confused about homosexuality in Islam. Not that I’m gay or anything or ik confused, I’m confused in the sense of relationships like friendships with them. I figured out my old friend in childhood was a lesbian, so no chance of friendship there,but then when I got to my other classes I figured out that there’s also another one.Heres why my problem comes in; I’m friends with new plp in that class, and their friends with her so I said I can’t be too close or too distant just Bcuz she’s gay, you could say we are good friends i kno she wont hav feelings for me, but this isn’t Rong rite? We can still be friends? Please don’t tell me to shun her or find new friends, cuz I sit with them at lunch,  and stuff and yeah..it’s just I find it rlly hard how come we can’t be friends jsut Bcuz of who she prefers,I don’t Want to be bffs or anything but I’m jsut tired having to tell my slef no u can’t Allah will punish u for this or no it’s completely haram, oh and here’s anoth problem, I figured out this Current friend of mine is bi-sexual….we hit off from the start of the scool year I still treat her normally, il she won’t develop feelings for me, it’s just what signs and tests are Allah trying to prove? What does he want me to do? I feel like Allah is doing this for a reason but i don’t know why??..I’m just ahhh! it’s so confusing helllppppppp!!

Sorry this is Suppperr long but I needed to get Advice

Sincerly, Problems

As salaamu alaykum

The important part of paying attention to who we are associating with is whether or not those people are a good influence on us. As people, we are affected by our peers and can be influenced toward particular thoughts and actions based on what our friends encourage in us. There are many Muslims who identify as gay and are striving toward Allah, trying to be their best and do their best to please Allah. In those cases would it be right to reject a fellow Muslim who has taqwa and encourages that in you? I would think not. The same goes for non-Muslim friends. Often times we can have friends that are not Muslim and are not necessarily aware of or inline with the same tenants of faith or religious guidelines that we are trying to live by. Nonetheless we find that not only do we have a lot in common in our beliefs but these people actually encourage us on our own path of striving to be close to Allah. Or maybe they are just positive influences on us and are generally positive people. Sometimes we can be guided toward our own path of Islam from non-Islamic sources. 

I don’t think that the issue is that you cannot be friends with someone who is gay. Perhaps the people who made you feel that this is Islamically indicated were concerned mainly with the notion that perhaps these friends would encourage you to be gay yourself or to accept homosexual behavior as appropriate for yourself. In essence, there is no need to be afraid of, have negativity toward or reject people who identify as gay. Islamically speaking the only thing that you are guided to reject is the act of homosexual behavior. So the question for yourself then becomes- are these friends asking or encouraging you to participate in homosexual activity and/or are they trying to influence you to accept that behavior? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you may need to look deeper into yourself and ask some hard questions of what your priorities are and how you are going to protect your Islam and stand strong in your faith. If on the other hand these friends are simply good people that you feel you can benefit from and they happen to personally identify as gay, but this is their own private matter, then you may very well have something positive to gain from their friendship. Remembering that we should be keeping the company of those who encourage the best in us and encourage us along our path of seeking Truth and surrendering to Allah.

Islam is a beautiful religion and one that is characterized by compassion, tolerance, and inclusivity. It may be hard to fully understand why homosexual behavior is haram and what it means that some people do have homosexual preferences. But it is important to remember that our Prophet (SAAWS) always dealt with people with tenderness, compassion and acceptance. When Allah guides us to reject certain things, he is not necessarily asking us to reject the people associated with those things or behaviors, but that we reject the act in itself. Sometimes that means distancing ourselves from certain places or people for our own protection, but not because we deem or judge those people or things to be bad in and of themselves. We must leave the judgement to Allah and remember that only He can know what is truly in the hearts of people. Our job is to make sure that we are taking steps to do what is pleasing to Allah and protecting ourselves from the things that distract us from or divert us from that path. So again, what you may need to do in order to get clarity on what is the best course of action for you in this dilemma is to reflect on what type of influence are these friends having on you. Do they encourage you toward your path of growth as a Muslim or do they pull you away from it? From there you can determine for yourself whether or not you should keep them close to you. Whichever path you choose, remember that the Islamic way of dealing with the people is with mercy and compassion.

Sincerely, 

Your brother in Islam,

“Fatima Y”