Abnormal behaviors

Salam. I am going to be an 18 year old girl on January 4. Sadly, I still have childish, abnormal behaviors. I believe these behaviors overlap with OCD, which I have been diagnosed with. Almost every day, I pick all the skin off of my lips. I don’t even care about the pain or the bleeding because of the pleasure I get from doing it. I also have a likening of soft skin. As a child, I touched my earlobes a lot because they are so soft. From the eight grade till now, I press my nose to my upper lip because its soft. I especially do this if I’m anxious. Also, I have trouble using the bathroom because I keep thinking that the discharge splashed on my foot as I’m sitting on the toilet. I wash my feet afterwards. As a child, I have had a phobia of public bathrooms, and especially toilets. I have gotten a little past that phobia, but due to OCD reasons, I’d rather not use it. I think I can hold myself for a long time. Today, the school day had ended and I could have come home to go to the bathroom, but I really wanted to go to the library first to read a book. I thought I could hold myself. However, I couldn’t and peed in my pants when I got home. I’ve peed my pants before. In sixth grade, at school. In 9th grade, in my home garage. In 10th grade, on the street. And now, today. I’ve done it so many times that I don’t even feel as guilty or shameful anymore. I can’t seem to really care about anything. I think so much and fantasize. I think about my life and think something like a movie script in my brain. I barely do any homework at home  because of my addiction to music and youtube, searching things online, and social media. I do have a lot of positive qualities about me. I have a lot of people at school who like me because of the positives they see in me.  I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me. Also, I’m worried about marriage. How would anyone want to marry me after knowing all of my immaturity, especially to my mom who cleans up after me (like if I peed my pants or even bed at times)? And if I Inshallah did change, still how would anyone want to marry me knowing what I did in the past? I am not going to keep my problems a secret from my future fiancé/spouse, even though my mom tells me not to tell any of this to a man who will be interested in marrying me. Also, how can I ask for Allah’s help if I keep listening to music and do so much other sins?

As Salaam Alaikum

I first would like to applaud you for seeking help. Its not easy to step out to ask for help when things happen that you have a hard time understanding or explaining. Id like to start with approaching you asking for help from Allah – I think the best way to do that is sit in prayer, sit in rukooh, sit and just talk to Allah. Ask him for guidance and ask him for protection. You are not sinning with these acts as there is a much larger problem at hand. You were recently diagnosed with OCD which is a good indication of what is going on. I highly recommend you continue to see who has diagnosed you and seek therapy from there. Allow them to help you find ways in dealing with OCD. These things that are going on with you are not childish or immature they are symptoms of OCD. 

Here are few things you can do in addition to seeking help from a therapist in your area:

1. Recognize. Understand that the urge to do something like peel your dry lips or washing your feet after using the restroom is a result of OCD. 

2. Retrain: Change your thoughts – train yourself to understand that it is not ok to pee in your pants and that you will need to use the restroom when you need to use the restroom. Take it one step at a time. Set a time limit for yourself – Hold it 2 hours max today and 1 hour max tomorrow. 

3. Remind: Remember this is not you being childish or immature this is a biochemical imbalance in your brain. 

4. Refocus: Focus on something else. When you get the urge to peel your lips, do something else for a little while. Help train your brain that you will not allow yourself to obsessively continue these actions. 

You can do this. 

I would highly recommend not focusing on getting married yet – inshaAllah when the time is right Allah will present it to you and in that moment that person that Allah has chosen for you will understand whatever it is you chose to share with him/her. I would suggest you continue to seek help from a professional in your area, pray, meditate, exercise, and keep focused. You can get through this.

Good luck,

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam

“Fatima X”