My heart and my whole being is on fire
Dear Fatima,
My whole heart and being is on fire. I’m a senior in high school and I’m living with severe ADD. Thus, my emotional intelligence is low and my sensitivity is very high. There are many things that I get super sensitive and emotional about. In particular, I get super sensitive and emotional when someone does not make eye contact with me while talking, a good friend blocks me or does not reply back for a long period of time, when a good friend continuously denies requests to hang out with me, and when acquaintances start treating me like I am there enemy and hate on me for no reason. All of these 4 things have been happening at the same and colliding into each other. Thus, my entire being is on fire because I am in continuous distress that since all 4 of these things are happening, I must be a horrible person. Friends tell me that I need to take it easy when they don’t respond back right away but Fatima, why does my brain not process that? I know that I need to take it easy but I can’t because I have so many scars already that the friends that try to heal my current wounds end up becoming additional scars that I have to carry. In other words, my sensitivity to these 4 things has become so great that I have completely lost not only my close friends but myself as well in the process. It feels as if I’m collapsing in a domino effect that I cannot get myself to stop. I am in a really devastated situation and don’t know what to do 🙁 Please tell me what I can do to start healing myself? Counselors, close relatives, and others simply do not know what my issue is.
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
Being on fire sounds very painful. I’m sorry to hear that the four things that bother you most are happening AND that they are happening all at once.
I think one of the best remedies for what you are describing is finding someone who understands where you are coming from and who has figured out ways to manage similar symptoms. So I think finding a support group for people living with ADD/ADHD might be incredibly helpful.
Another possible route is a counselor or psychiatrist that has a lot of experience with ADD/ADHD — not every counselor has that kind of experience and finding a specialist means that you will benefit from their extra knowledge on the subject.
This website has a ton of resources, including a link for list of specialists, and a link for support groups: http://www.add.org/?
page=finding_help_support There are also some books out there (this one has great reviews: http://www.amazon.
com/Attention-Deficit- Disorder-Practical-Mechanisms/ dp/0849330998/) that might get you started while you look around for a support group or a counselor that is a specialist in ADD/ADHD. I hope that gives you a place to start.
With something like ADD/ADHD, your journey will likely be lifelong so finding great support will help ease the bumps along the way.
wa ‘alaykum salam,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima Z”
Admin comment:
Please see the following links for some extra insight:
https://www.stonestobridges.org/2014/09/22/coping-with-depression-or-anxiety/
https://www.stonestobridges.org/2014/09/06/feeling-immature-and-worthless/
Anonymous
Asalaamu alaykum sweetie, ان شاء الله everything will be ok, thank Allah for the blessings. Sometimes when you get too close to people, you need to be pulled back and re focus. Love for the sake of Allah is beautiful. When you love someone who reminds you of Allah. Think about finding righteous companions and don’t worry about those girls at your high school. It is a good thing to be distanced from people who only distract you from Islam. It is a blessing that you have the free time, so make good use of it. It is a blessing because you can remember Allah more. There is no benefit of engaging in idle talk with those girls. Trials are a part of this dunya. Have sabrun jameel (beautiful patience) You do not need those girls. We just need Allah, the most Loving, the most Merciful. You are more beautiful than those girls, please do not let them affect you in any way. There is a book called “reclaim your heart” by yasmin mogahed that discusses a lot of what you are going through, and how you should deal with the situation. Asalaamu alaykum.
Anonymous
Hi Sweetie,
I’m not sure what ADD can do to a person’s life. I do suspect sometimes I have it too- but i prefer not to be defined by a label. I too used to get so worked up in high school when friends didn’t respond the way I expected them to. I used to think something is wrong with ME. Until I went to college, decided to take a chill pill and not expect anything out of anyone.
Eye contact doesn’t define anything…i listen very carefully to people but i can’t seem to keep staring into their eyes. So don’t get so judgmental based on that. You are getting hurt because you are basing so much of your self worth on people/friends/humans…and people are meant to be flawed. They are bound to accidentally or purposely break your heart. That is why everyone who feels so betrayed/hurt by humans, turns to Allah. There’s never any disappointment there.
From a practical point of view…i’d say find some hobbies which dont involve people making you feel one way or another. Read, watch movies, run, play a sport, write (a story, your feelings) or get involved in local volunteer works. Help the needy, read up on people who are physically disabled and how horribly judged THEIR lives are. I’ve always found that when you take care of somebody less privileged than you are, all of a sudden- you become very grateful for your own life.
Best Wishes
HA18
It sounds like you are discovering these behaviors and challenges that ADD is bringing to your life and personality.
This is not the same situation obviously, but I invite you to think of this the same way someone with a physical disability has to cope in their life. For example, someone may have lost use of their legs, and they say, why can’t I just simply walk up the stairs? why can’t I “turn on” my legs? Why can’t I play sports with my friends? Instead, for people with obvious physical disabilities, they learn to use what tools and resources are available to them, such as wheelchairs and elevators, and go on with their life.
I guess with ADD, which is mental and not as physically obvious as losing your legs, it makes it much harder to pinpoint because it is hidden in your mind and in your personality. This makes it much harder to figure out what is going on which is hindering you. Not knowing what is going on is so frustrating. You feel like you don’t even know who you are anymore and that confusion and anger sets your soul on fire.
Honey, it must be really hard feeling this way and then also not feeling like you have the support. Maybe you can do more research on ADD or talk to a professional to understand what it is that is inside of you. When you understand, it will HELP you can take control of it instead of letting it control you and spiral your relationships out of control. It might help if you can figure out what your “wheelchair” needs to be. It may be something as simple as teaching yourself that when these disappointments in your relationships come, you can count to 10 and let the feeling pass instead of reacting on it. It may be something more complicated than that, I don’t know, but we all need tools to help us cope with our weaknesses in whatever form they may be.
You’re at the beginning of this process. Don’t feel discouraged. Sometimes you will succeed, sometimes you will fail. But, with time you will learn how to live a happier life with ADD.