What should I do..

Dear Fatima,

I am 20ish woman, living in an Islamic country…umm, what I am about to write is not about me, it is about my cousin. So.. she’s 16, has a lovely foster parents and an older foster brother . So basically she’s my foster cousin but I will go with just cousin. She was adopted by my uncle & aunt since she was a baby. My uncle & aunt love kids sooo much but unfortunately they couldn’t conceived, hence they decided to adopt. They raise my cousin and pampered her excessively. Here lies the problem, as she grows up, she learn to lie to her parents, most of the time her parents believed whatever she said, though sometimes it didn’t make sense to believe. Things are not getting better, she became so rude to her parents like she didn’t respect them at all. I’m so sad to see that every time. I mean, my aunt and uncle, they are the most loving people I ever met. They care about their kids so much and everyone can see it. They gave anything their kids wanted, literally, and if they couldn’t afford it, they will find ways.

I never really want to meddle in , but there’s something happen recently that I think I need to do something about it. Just few days ago I received pictures that went viral in some group in the internet… of her and an older guy in a bed. She said something about just had her first time with her boyfriend. There are more pictures..

I love this kid, I don’t know how to help her. I don’t want her to go down to dark paths. Should I talk to my cousin? I am not sure if she wants to even listen to me… What do I do about this.. Should I tell her parents? I can’t imagine how would they feel, and to hear this from me… I am sure they will feel ashamed. Or should I call police? that guy in the picture looked a lot older, he has to be brought to justice for what he did to under-age. But then this will brought shame to the family. Oh God…I really don’t know what to do. I am so angry with that guy, he can’t get away with this. He manipulated my cousin.

Please help me to help this girl Fatima.. Thank you so much in advance…

As Salaam Alaikum,

I am so sorry you are caught in such a terrible bind. Your cousin is very fortunate to have you in her life. Its very difficult to see people we love go down dark paths, but there is not much we can do for others if they do not want to change. You cannot force anyone to change unless they want to. I think in this situation it is in your best interest to talk to your cousin. Express your concerns for her safety and well-being. Let her know you are there for her if she needs help. At this time I would strongly suggest confirming the allegations for her sexual relations with this older man. If it is the case you should let her know that you will be informing her parents as it is against the law for girls under the age of 18 to have sexual relations with anyone older than the age of 19. If she denies it then again let her know that you are just concerned for her safety and that you will be there for her if she needs you. I do not think it would be appropriate for you to talk to her parents (unless the sexual allegations are true), as this is something that they will have to work out as a family. I know it may sound unsettling to not be able to do much more than this, but sometimes we must let people we love go off and find their own way. Keep praying for her. You are a good friend and cousin, she is extremely lucky to have you in her life. 

My duas and love are with you,

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam,

“Fatima X”