Frozen tears
If you really knew me then you would know that due to childhood abuse I rarely find myself crying because I’ve trained myself to keep everything inside and ignore my feelings.
If you really knew me then you would know that due to childhood abuse I rarely find myself crying because I’ve trained myself to keep everything inside and ignore my feelings.
Anonymous
Like the others said, it’s really sad to hear you going through this. But, Allah puts you through what you can handle. He knows you got this–now, you have to believe it yourself. I can understand why you have “frozen your tears”. It’s just easier that way- if you aren’t able to deal with the pain, why let yourself feel it, right? But, don’t you deserve to deal with it? Don’t you deserve to be a version of yourself that is alive, like the person above said? You do! Each and every day, you deserve it! Let yourself start that path to feeling again- it will be tough and heartwrenching but the end result will be worth it–because you are worth it. Maybe send a Dear Fatima question to get more detailed feedback?
Anonymous
It breaks my heart to hear that you went through so much abuse that you have become numb. To be honest, for similar reasons, I was numb for the past several years, but alhamdulillah, there is hope…alhamdulillah, after so many years, I finally feel alive again, laughing and crying, feeling peace and love. I finally came to such a point that I had so much anxiety that I couldn’t function anymore, so I went through intense counseling, prayed a lot, reached out to friends to pray with me (like just recite surah fatiha, ayatul kursi, salawaat, etc) on the phone when I felt like I didn’t have the strength or will-power to pray myself and that would help feel a little peace, tried to do some physical excercise everyday(even if it just meant going outside to walk for even 10 min), tried yoga or meditation or zikr whenever I could push myself to it, and tried reading feel good books like “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero or “Chicken Soup for the Soul”, read Quran in Arabic and/or English, listened to empowering talks…basically I kept pushing myself and praying to Allah to help me through this test/struggle in whatever way possible…and Alhamdulillah, I truly feel so alive!! So just know Allah is here for you and He truly does love you and keep turning to Him and He will help you see “La qad khalaqnal insaana fi ihsani taqweem (Indeed We have created humankind in the most excellent mould)” (95:4)!
Anonymous
I’m sorry to hear that. You might have done that as a child to appear as though you were strong, but now that you are older I am sure you understand that you don’t always have to be. We are all human and being emotional is just a part of it. 🙂