“He failed many times and gave in to the temptations… Remember that Allah swt placed him in your life for a reason…”

I had the same problem, sister. Alhamduliah, my husband has stopped, and InshaAllah, yours will, too. I don’t know how extreme your case is, but for my husband, it had been going on for many years before he met me. He told me about the problem before we got married, and I accepted it about him and was willing to help.

The first thing I did was make an effort to understand him. I tried to sympathize with him, and not make him feel ashamed or embarrassed. As with any problem, the best way I believe to tackle it is to build a strong support group. I made sure I let my husband know we were a team together, and that I was going to help him. He failed the goal many times, but each time I forgave him as long as I knew he was sincerely sorry.

At first, he didn’t see porn as too much of an issue. But I explained to him calmly why it’s wrong and I reminded him of how men of Islam are suppose to be modest with their eyes and lower their gaze. I helped him build a better relationship with Allah swt, so he felt willing in his own heart to overcome the addiction.

It began to die down a bit, but was still continuing. He failed many times and gave in to the temptations, but things were still nonetheless slowly progressing. Therefore, I applauded him for his efforts and let him know how proud I was of him for trying his best to overcome something so hard. Keep in mind, sister, that a sex addiction can be worse than drug or alcohol addiction. It’s one of the hardest to fight, so I was sure to let him know that all his efforts (even the smallest ones) were noticed. This gave him encouragement and it motivated him to quit the addiction once and for all.
The final thing I did was let him know how much it hurt me. My husband truly loves me, and when he saw me broke down crying, it stabbed him in the heart. I expressed my feelings about how him watching porn made me feel like a bad wife or it lowered my self-esteem because it made me think I wasn’t beautiful enough for him. He was filled with sorrow. He saw the pain in my eyes, and realized that it was causing nothing but unhappiness to us. Therefore, he made a true promise to not do it again, and hasn’t done it since that day.

To this day, I always tell my husband that if he does ever watch it again, to let me know. I told him I will never get angry at him as long as we are in constant communication and that he does not hide anything from me. I’d rather him watch porn and tell me, than watch porn and I find out on my own or he keeps it a secret. I told him all I want is complete honesty, and he agrees.

Sister, sorry for writing so long, but please do not lose hope in your husband. The key to any relationship is communication. Talk to him and support him, and most importantly, just let him know you love him. Once you rebuild that love again, he will want to change willingly to make you happy. Remember that Allah swt placed him in your life for a reason, and that anything can get better with trust.

Never lose hope in Allah swt. I make du’a that you and your husband are on the path to a happier marriage and successful recovery away from such a sad addiction.

Original Post can be found here.