Materialism

Dear Fatima,

Assalamu Aalaikum,

I’m a 23 year old female and I’m having a difficult time with materialism. This materialism is making me a very jealous and envious person. When I see the success some of my friends have, whether earned on their own or even just by marrying into wealth, I feel envy and desire the same material possessions or success they have. I don’t make very much money, but I find myself not being able to hold on to any of it. I don’t want to be this way. I want to control my material desires, but I just can’t do it on my own and end up being consumed with the urge to spend money. How do I control these urges? It sounds silly, but it really is suffocating me.

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Assalamu ‘alaykum, 

It’s a great thing that you are really being self-reflective about your urge to spend money and feel envious of others.

So many people go through life and never take the time to think about why they do things.

 

That said, perhaps a bit of guided reflection will help you get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do.

You can take the following questions and write about them (for yourself), draw pictures, make charts, even record yourself talking about them and then listen back to it.

Take one question at a time, and really fully answer it for yourself and see where the process takes you.

1. When was the first time that you remember feeling envious about someone who had something?
2. How did that make you feel about yourself?
3. When you spend money – what do you feel?
4. Is the feeling about the act of spending money or the item you buy?
5. How do you feel later, when you think back on it?
6. How do you feel when you later use or wear the item that you bought that was out of your price range?

After doing this type of reflection, you will have more information about what draws you to material possessions.  

It could be a variety of things.  For example some people are easily bored and benefit from learning how to “refresh” the things that they have, others never learned the skills of budgeting and money management.  For others, the behavior is really about how they feel about their own worth.

 

Once you have more information about what it is for you, feel free to write back and see if I have more ideas for you.

In either case, once you deal with the underlying issue (boredom, need to develop skills, self-worth, etc) the behavior itself will tend to calm down.

 

wa ‘alaykum salam 

-Sr Fatima FM

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Wa alaykum as Salaam

 I understand how the pull of materialism can be suffocating. And that pull from your desire can make you feel distant from or in-congruent with your true self; from your values and ideals. It doesn’t sound silly. In fact, it is one of the most difficult and primary struggles of our lives in the dunya. This material life is driven by materialism. You could almost say that it is the doctrine of the dunya. So it makes perfect sense that you are struggling with this and that it is a major block to contentment and a sense of feeling comfortable in yourself. It’s a good thing that you are struggling with this. The fact that you are aware of it and that you can clearly recognize and assert that you don’t want materialism to be the driving force in your life is a huge sign that your heart is in the right place and that your morals are in tact. To be honest, many people don’t think the way you are thinking. They have the same jealousy and envy for others’ material success but they continue to follow that desire and make their only pursuit that of attaining what they desire. So the problem is not that you are struggling with material desire- that is a great thing! The problem would be if you stopped struggling and submitted to it or didn’t even recognize it as a problem.

It is unlikely that you will completely rid yourself of the yearning for material things. It is the nature of our souls’ test in this life. But there are some things that you can do to manage that desire and keep it in check, so that it doesn’t overtake you.

The first thing is to try and direct your attention to the other end of the spectrum. When you find yourself looking to those who have more than you (which is natural and will likely happen periodically) just notice it and redirect your attention toward those who have less than you. This is a practice recommended to us by our Prophet (PBUH). Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) relates: The Prophet (PBUH), said: “Look upon one who is below you in status. In this way you will not look down upon the grace of that which God bestowed upon you.” (Bukhari and Muslim).

Everything is relative. If you make the effort to change your viewpoint just a little bit you may find your focus and thus your heart change. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to look down on poor people and have pity. It just provides a catalyst for a change in perspective. You may find that the pull toward acquiring more is softened and your focus can be on other things. 

Another remedy for wanting more is to give more. Often times our struggle with certain qualities represents an imbalance in our self. The goal is to come into balance by making an adjustment in your behavior, thoughts, intentions. One of the best ways to bring something back toward the middle of the spectrum is to go to the other extreme for a period of time or every so often in order to even out the scales. So in your case, even though you don’t have much to give, if you focus on giving what you can to someone who has less than you, you will be helping to balance out your heart by aligning your actions with the counter to the unwanted intent.

 It is important to remember that Allah is Ar Razaq. He is the Provider. You can’t get anything or lose anything unless Allah wills it to be. If you keep yourself cognizant of this it will help ease your drive toward acquiring more material success. You may not understand it and it may not seem fair to you that you have less than others or that you can’t seem to hold on to money, but try to remember that Allah is the best of Planners and that there is likely some wisdom in what you have or don’t have at a given time. And that can change easily and quickly. But better that it change because it is right for you and Allah is blessing you with it rather than your greed being the driving force into willing it to be. You may get what you wished for but it may not be good for you.

It’s also helpful to remember that having material things does not necessarily bring happiness or contentment. From my experience, many wealthy people are not only miserable, but they are so worried about losing what they have that it leads them to be closed off in their life and the pursuit of maintaining or increasing their wealth becomes an oppressive force in their life. Those who have less have less to lose so they tend to be more free in life and free with giving and therefore more content. There is nothing wrong with having material things and enjoying them. Allah likes to see us enjoy and benefit from that which He bestowed on us. But we need to make an effort to make sure that those things are in our hands and not in our hearts. That is when materialism corrupts our hearts, when we become attached to it and consumed by it. 

 So in order to keep that in balance the idea is to constantly put yourself in check. Be aware of what your intentions are and where your heart is and make adjustments accordingly. Notice when you find yourself envious of what someone else has and try to immediately counteract that with noticing what someone else does not have. When you become jealous because you want that nice car that he has or that beautiful house that she has, give to someone from what Allah has given you. Or, make a dua that the material things that those people have be a blessing for them and bring them closer to Allah. Wish good for them to clean out and counteract the envy. This type of thing will help clean your intention and re-align your heart with its true nature; attuned to the remembrance of Allah and thus more content. Try to practice these few suggestions and insha’allah it will help toward freeing you from the oppressive force of materialism.

 With compassion and dua,

-Br Abdallah AR