A terrible year

Assalam o’alaykum
I guess I should start with the fact that I really need advice!
The school year was a terrible one. It was my first year of highschool, so my parents decided to send me to an Islamic school. My best friend was also there with me, but she fit in a lot better than I did. I decided to wait it out, but before I knew it people were spreading rumors and talking about me. a younger classmate was engaged to a much older man, and someone I thought was my friend told the entire school that I thought this was the case because she hadnt been chaste before hand. I had never said or suspected anything of the sort, so t was really shocking for me to hear it. My best friend didn’t agree that I had said anything like it, but she had her own friends and now we are growing apart. Soon after that, my teacher spread a rumor about me, and I was humiliated and left the Islamic school system…I live in a primarily white, rich, and educated area. It’s never bothered me before, and I’ve always loved it here. But when I transfered in February, no one liked me. I tried my best to change that and tool advice from family friends that had gone through the public school system, but I still made no friends. By April it bothered me so much I returned to my anorexic and self harming habits. I also realized that the private school I went to falsely advertised their education and I was actually very very behind. I am not a hateful person, but my heart is filled with hate when I think of these people. My religion was harmed as well, because the people I went to the Islamic school with either had extremely Back wards views or they hated religion. الحمدلله I have over come that, but ye other things really do bother me, and hold me down.
How can i feel less alone?

Assalamu ‘alaykum,

I’m so sorry your freshman year at high school was so rough!

Your story reminds me of the ones described in a book about bullying among girls called “Odd Girl Out” by Rachel Simmons (http://www.amazon.com/Odd-Girl-Out-Revised-Updated/dp/B005UVQ98Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374165277&sr=1-1)

You are definitely not alone.

What’s really hard is that the behavior you are describing is so contrary to what we expect of Muslims, and I’m sure that in studying the Qur’an and hadith you’ve realized that their behavior was totally at odds with what Islam teaches.

It’s disappointing to find that culture at an Islamic school and it’s even more disappointing when adults who are supposed to be acting in ways that are more wise get involved with the negative behavior.

I’m really glad that you had the courage to ask for help because silence allows for the abuse to continue.  When people have the courage to speak up and speak out, things change – even if they seem worse at the beginning.  I encourage you to keep asking for help from your family members who so far seem supportive (which is great!!). Anorexia and self harming can be addictive and is really hard to beat on your own.  So getting counseling for the abuse you were subjected to would really help you find other ways to manage uncomfortable feelings and find a sense of peace.

Write back if you have more specific questions.

[If you would like us to refer you to a therapist or even just want to talk to someone who cares, please feel free to email us your contact info, including city and state to info@nuryouthforum.org].

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