Suicide
Asalamu alaikum Fatima,
I am a student in college top grades, family, and many good things happening to me. I have just converted a few years ago to Islam and now I am very close to leaving it. I see so much good in this religion and none in me, people just feel sorry for me often, and I can’t tell anyone about my problems since I have communal reputation to protect. If it wasn’t forbidden to commit suicide it would have been done already. I have done some horrible sins despite all the blessings God has given me, and I just feel my time on earth now is just waiting for Hell. I see no point in practicing this religion anymore and I need some inspiration. Consider this a critical post, and action to be taken quickly.
Click here to read how Stones to Bridges helped this user!
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Wa ‘alaykum salam,
Your post definitely conveys the pain that you are feeling inside.
Whenever you feel close to suicide, the best action is for you to call the hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or go to the nearest emergency room and tell them what you are struggling with.
On a spiritual level, I want to respond to some of the things that you bring up. We all know our own faults more than any other person ever will — and that knowledge can be quite painful. Yet, the pain tells us that we have goals for ourselves that (far) exceed what we are putting forward right now.
Many people consider suicide an escape, a way to hurry the “inevitable” path to hell or to melt into the nothingness. At the same time, if you believe in hell, then by ending your life you may end up sealing that fate, while every day that you live is a chance to do better than the day before – and perhaps redeem ourselves in the eyes of God.
Why else would there be a du’a in Qur’an (Surah ‘Imraan (3), verse 8) that says:3:8 “Our Lord!” (they say), “Let not our hearts deviate now after Thou hast guided us, but grant us mercy from Thine own Presence; for Thou art the Grantor of bounties without measure.
That means that every day is a day to remake ourselves – we can get lost, or we can find our way back. The fact that you are aware of your faults and that they cause you pain, means that you are connected to wanting to live up to your potential.
The only one who knows how deeply you feel that is God, as Allah is “closer to you than your jugular vein” – which means that He knows your strengths, the effort you are putting forth, and the things that hold you back. That’s why “Actions are judged by intentions” not by how effectively you complete your intentions. We are assessed and then both challenged and rewarded by Allah – and He knows what a “challenge” and a “reward” looks like to each one of us. Therefore the determination that someone has pleased Allah enough to get into heaven is also based on His knowledge of who we are, what we were faced with, and how we responded to those challenges.
What’s really striking when one looks at the Islamic tradition and puts it all together is that nobody gets into heaven by their own merit, but by the mercy of Allah. So for example: If you intend something bad and don’t do it, it doesn’t count against you, but if you intend good and don’t do it, you still get rewarded for it. Also, good actions are “weightier” than bad ones. There are so many sayings of the Prophet around this issue that I’m sure would shed more light on the subject. All this is another reason why “action is judged by intentions” as it’s our sincerity of intention that earns the love of Allah.
As for being afraid to seek help for what you are feeling, please reconsider.
Courage is the strength to face that which is hardest for each of us to deal with – even when we are afraid and feel alone. The Prophet was a person who provided much counseling on the deepest, most personal issues that the people around him faced. So finding a counselor is part of our tradition, as well as a big part of many traditions.
We all need a wise guide, who helps us with the “jihad annafs” (struggle of the soul) which is by far the hardest struggle that any one of us will face.
I hope that you are able to take that step.
wa ‘alaykum salam
– Fatima FM
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Anonymous
RESPONSE TO ALL THE RESPONSES
Asalamau alaikum brothers and sisters,
I have not responded to these beautiful comments right away and I apologize.
However, I sought help and have been growing in my relationship to Allah and whenever I go through hard times this post brings me so much peace and joy and contentment.
I ask sincerrely for all your apologies by taking so long to respond, but know that these post have helped me through that dark time and so much more, until this very day
Allah’s Mercy, Love, and Forgiveness have came through your caring comments and I pray for all of your forgiveness for not responding right away, and know I have been seeking help and have grown tremendously since that dark moment.
Your brother in faith
Anonymous
Dear Brother,
It is great to hear from you – I often think of how you are doing and Alhamdullilah, I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better.
May Allah bless you always 🙂
Amal
Anonymous
Dear Brothers and sisters,
Thank you so much for the support.
I read this when I am feeling low and it lightens up my heart and gives me hope.
This is the same brother that wrote the original blog and I want to thank Allah for creating you and filling your hearts with love and mercy.
I apologize for the late response but I have been recovering every since, and every day I know I have love and mercy in my life.
Thank you
Anonymous
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
I am so glad to hear that our words helped you navigate a dark time in your life.
Many times people don’t write back to let us know how our thoughts may or may not be helpful, so thank you for taking the time to do so.
I hope that you are always able to find and hold onto the light of Allah (swt) and be a beacon of hope for others who find themselves in moments of darkness.
wa ‘alaykum salam,
Fatima FM
Anonymous
Dear Brother/Sister- Each and every one of us has sins. The fact that you chose faith and you are feeling badly for yours means you are one of the faithful. If you are truly repentant, ask Allah’s forgiveness with sincerity. Allah loves nothing more than to hear the cries of true repentence and his mercy is endless. Please do not be so hard on yourself. This life in the dunya is heaven for those who don’t believe- and hell for believers. You are on the spiritual path just like each and every one of us. We want you to succeed. So do those who love you. And if you love Allah, it is not your decision to throw your life away. Show your love to him by fighting for your peace of mind. You can do it. We all have strength deep within us and just have to unleash it.
May your days become brighter!! Know you are not alone. We all struggle with our nafs. Not one of us are perfect. And the fact that you feel alone is part of your test. Ask Allah in your duas for exactly what you want and be specific. If you want to around more Muslim friends and accepting people, ask Him for that! He will inshaAllah shower you with more blessings than you can have imagined. The angels ascend to earth to hear what Allah’s servants are asking for so that He may grant it to them. Do not forget this.
Brighter days are ahead. It is your choice each day to see the light and embrace.
Much love to you!! To a life of peace and harmony.
Anonymous
Assalaamu ‘alaikum! Please don’t allow the whispers of the cursed devil make you lose sight of one of the most beautiful and comforting aspects of Islam, which is beautifully highlighted in this Hadith:
Narated By Anas : A man asked the Prophet about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, “When will the Hour be?” The Prophet said, “What have you prepared for it?” The man said, “Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle.” The Prophet said, “You will be with those whom you love.” We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of the Prophet (i.e., “You will be with those whom you love.”) Therefore, I love the Prophet, Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to theirs.
Reference
Bukhari Volume 005, Book 057, Hadith Number 037.
It is not our deeds that will foretell our success in the Hereafter, rather it is our love for the Loving Lord and the beautiful Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sahbihi wa sallam that will take us to Jannah. It is the actions that result from that love that will be pleasing to Allah. Even if we commit sin, which all of us do, we should have hope in the Lord that loves us more than our very mothers. Hope in Him is crucial to experience the beauty of Islam. Don’t allow anything, especially your sins, to take that hope away from you!
At times, it is our very sins that bring us closer to the Loving One. One of the greatest figures in Islamic history, the second Caliph ‘Umar, became a Muslim after intending to commit one of the worst sins possible; to kill the Gentle Prophet, may the Mercy and Blessings of God be upon him. Yet, regardless of all of his sins, he became one of the closest friends of the Noble Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sahbihi wa sallam. At other times, one gets closer to Allah, the Compassionate, through repentance of one’s sins. For such a person, his/her sins became a means for their increasing nearness to al-Rahman. Thus, it can be said that some sins lead us to God, the Merciful, if we truly repent to Him.
Also, Islam is not all about ‘ibaadaat (ritual worship), so socialize with other Muslims and don’t be too hard on yourself. The very fact that you genuinely want to resolve this issue is a testimony to the goodness and humility of your heart. Don’t let anything corrupt that goodness by making you lose hope in your self and in the Bounties and Mercy of your Lord. May the Compassionate Rabb bless with everything that will bring you closer to Him and protect you from everything that would do otherwise. Aameen! May He bless you with true contentment in this world and the Hereafter. Aameen! May He increase the steadfastness of your faith and may He bless you with the sweetness of imaan. May He protect you and us all from the evil whispers. May He bless you with good company that will result in your immense happiness in this world and the Hereafter. Aameen! May He bless you and us all with His Pleasure. Aameen, thumma Aameen!
P.S. please remember me in your prayers!
Anonymous
Dear Brother/Sister,
May the peace and blessings of the MOST MERCIFUL be upon you.
I am glad you made the choice to embrace the faith. I want you to know that none of us are perfect. I too, have done many things that are considered major sins.
Please know that the mercy of our lord is greater than you can ever imagine. None of us are perfect.
I see that you feel remorse or sadness because of the sins you have committed or continue to commit. Know that the transgressor that yields a broken heart is better than the pious person who stokes honor and pride.
I have been there. In fact, many of us are still in the same boat as you.
I want you to know that we have your back, and God does too.
Stay strong, Love of God is not an easy thing.. neither is being a goody 2 shoes in todays world. I FEEL YOU!
Please feel free to call me if you ever want to talk. (949) 413-4561
Stay strong stranger and dear brother/sister in humanity. I may not know you, but my love for you is STRONG.
Stay beautiful,
Love,
Mustafa A.
Anonymous
Dear Brother,
I’m going to write my personal thoughts on your situation.
I truly believe that what you are going through at the moment is in fact the process of repentance. Let me explain. When we feel regret, remorse & shame upon any sins we have committed, it is a signal in our heart, from God, which seeks to guide us back to the straight path. We feel regretful because God has enlightened our souls, our conscience, so that we don’t accept the sin upon ourselves; because such sins are outside of our true nature of seeking all that is pure and good. So when we feel the regret, please know that it’s God’s way of guiding your soul, in order to seek his forgiveness. The pain felt is actually part of the repentance process. In fact, if we didn’t feel so bad, then there would be no reason for us to seek God’s forgiveness.
That being said, I would suggest you pray – in whichever form you wish – make a prayer & from the depths of your heart, ask God for forgiveness. But first, I want you to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. Sometimes mistakes serve as lessons in life to teach us and guide us towards the betterment of ourselves and ultimately to the path of heaven, InshaAllah.
Lastly, I’ll share with you a hadith from our Messenger, Mohammad, peace & blessings be upon him:
Narrated by Abu Huraira:
I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “The good deeds of any person will not make him enter Paradise.” (i.e., None can enter Paradise through his good deeds.) They (the Prophet’s companions) said, ‘Not even you, O Allah’s Apostle?’ He said, “Not even myself, unless Allah bestows His favor and mercy on me.” So be moderate in your religious deeds and do the deeds that are within your ability: and none of you should wish for death, for if he is a good doer, he may increase his good deeds, and if he is an evil doer, he may repent to Allah.”
May Allah bless you with patience and strength in your imaan. I will pray for you also.
Amal
facebook link: facebook.com/amal.ghalayini.98
Anonymous
Salam,
Let me tell you I’ve committed one of the ultimate sins, and I know isA I am still loved by God, and I can be forgiven for my sin isA. Allah specifically says that were we to commit sins from here to the skies, we would still be forgiven. All we need to do is ask for forgiveness. And keep in mind, we can’t eeven FATHOM as humans, God’s capacity to forgive. It’s nothing like how we do it. So don’t condemn yourself to punishment- that’s like thinking you know what God is capable of or knowing what He would do. Stop punishing yourself and know you are guaranteed to be forgiven isA, just ask and repent. ALL WE NEED TO DO IS ASK. If you think about it- God probably wouldve forgiven the devil had he only ASKED to be forgiven. The devil was just too arrogant to ask. I pray you find comfort soon and always be secure that Allah loves us no matter what.
Anonymous
i love you for the sake of Allah dear brother/sister. It was soo brave of you to share this on a forum like this. Allah says in the Quran that He will never put a burden on any soul that is beyond its capacity. Allah knows you can make it through your struggles and pain and that’s why He specifically chose them for you. Allah loves you more than you could ever imagine and insha Allah this is an opportunity for you to shine and increase your status in His eyes by showing patience and gratitude in theses difficult times.
Sending my love, prayers and salaam 🙂
your sister
SA
As salaam alaikum,
First and foremost, welcome to Islam and congratulations in taking shahada. Its a huge step you have taken that you will learn to embrace in time. Whether we are born into Islam or convert or are born again, we are all humans that make mistakes and seek for change. Just by the simple notion that you have guilt of your sins means that you are remorseful and are looking for change – it is often times during this search that we can get lost and hopeless. Don’t give up. You have something special in you that just needs to be guided.
We have all done things in our lives that we are not proud of, that we know we should not have done, that we may feel are sins too large to be forgiven, but remember Allah is all forgiving and most merciful. What you can do is sincerely pray and ask Allah for forgiveness and guidance.
Remember you are not alone in this, we at NUR youth are here for you and we can help you find appropriate help in your area that will be able to assist you through this time. You may not believe me, but the way you are feeling will change, in time. When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage. Allah is there for you.
You have what it takes to move past this, just look to Allah and within yourself to find the strength. May Allah (swt) guide you and keep you strong. May you find the strength within you to conquer your fears. Ameen. Please allow us to help you find assistance in your area that will help you get through this very difficult time.
With lots of duas your way
Fatima SA
Anonymous
Asalaam Alaikum,
First of all I would like to say, how terrible I feel because one of my fellow brothers/sisters in Islam feels this way. I personally believe that every life on this earth is important and valuable. I really hope that you can try and find the encouragement to continue to live inshallah, with seeing as how many people care about you with all of the comments that have been posted.
I really do not know what else to say other than the fact that I know there are many people out there in the world that love no matter how many mistakes or sins one commits. And if a human can still love and care for someone who has sinned many times, than surely Allah (swt) will do the same. Allah (swt) is the most forgiving and most merciful, please remember that, every time you think about leaving this earth.
If you cannot find the will to live for yourself, please think about the family that you have, and think about how much pain they will be in when you if you decide to leave them.
May Allah bless you with large amounts of patience and iman, and countless bundles of happiness inshallah.
Your Sister in Islam.
Anonymous
Salaams,
Many people here have already conveyed much of what I would have otherwise wrote to you. So I’d just like to keep it short & simple. Allah has no bounds in His ability to forgive. What we view as something horrible, can be forgiven so easily by Him. All you have to do is keep focusing on your strength as a Muslim, your faith in Allah, and your repentance. He is now giving you the time to repent for whatever you may have done that would cause you to feel this way. Take advantage of this time, of this opportunity, to ask for the strength and ability to withstand the hardships in your life. He is the only one that can grant you this relief, and I pray from the deepest depths of my heart that you find this.
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story here. I hope everyone’s comments here have helped in some way.
Will be making dua for you. And inshAllah things will get better. May Allah give you the strength and determination that you need to get through this, ameen.
Anonymous
There is no need to despair. Allah has blessed you not only with the deen of Islam but he has also blessed you with the ability to recognize your sins and draw near to Him by repenting. Allah is the Rahman the All-Merciful and can forgive everything. Had He not loved you He would make you blind to your sins and continue to allow you to be heedless of them.
InshAllah if He has blessed you with the greatest gift which is to be of the Ummah of Muhammad(SAW) then He will also continue to bless you in the future.
And if You feel like you are being tested, then just remember that Allah only tests those that He loves. Our beloved Prophet(SAW) was tested all throughout his life with the loss of his closest family members and with the constant hatred of the unbelievers, but in the end this only drew Him nearer to Allah.
I pray that whatever difficulty it is that you are going through, Allah continues to draw you nearer to Him.
InspiredByLife
The amazing thing about life is that no matter what you are experiencing, someone somewhere is either experiencing the same thing right now, or has experienced it at some point in the past. We as human beings are created to withstand the toughest of challenges. I can guarantee you that you are not alone, no matter how alone you may think you are.
It is the hardest thing to come out and open up when you’ve hit rock bottom and you just don’t know where to turn or how to climb back up. You feel like the whole world is against you and there’s nothing you can do. You hate yourself more than anything and start believing that you are no good and Allah has shunned you. I guarantee you that this is the very moment where you will find yourself and realize how much you truly love yourself and love everything around you. You will realize that it is not because you hate yourself that you wish to take your life; it is merely the fact that you love yourself, your life, your religion, and everything in this that you feel that you don’t deserve it. But the truth of the matter is that BECAUSE you love yourself, BECAUSE you love this life and religion and everything in this world, that you DESERVE it more than ANYTHING.
Look up. Open your eyes. Stop telling yourself that I am wrong. Go to the bathroom, wash up your face and look yourself in the mirror. Start to believe. Think of the greatest moment of your life. Possibly it is the moment when you reverted to Islam and embraced this beautiful religion and started to truly believe in Allah. Tell yourself, REMIND yourself that your love for Allah comes with your love for YOURSELF. Allah loves you. He will never falter in loving you. But He wants you to love yourself. He wants you to embrace this world. He WILL forgive you, so FORGIVE YOURSELF, my friend.
I am here for you. We are all here for you. I would like to ask the admin at NYFOnline to provide with your personal email or phone number so that I may speak to you directly if you so wish.
DO NOT GIVE UP. You have no reason to.
As a fellow Muslim, I love you for the sake of Allah. I am sure you love others for the sake of Allah. It is time you realized that you need to (and you DO) love YOURSELF for the sake of Allah. Wash away your thoughts and wash away your sins.
You will make it. We are here.
🙂
Nafiz Tafader
Anonymous
Remember that as convert to Islam all your past sins have been forgiven, so you are starting with a totally clean slate. Even if you have sinned since becoming a Muslim, there is nothing that God cannot forgive. Sinning is an inherent characteristic of humans so you are not alone.
The fact that your realize God’s blessings on you is a big step in knowing that God doesn’t abandon HIs creation. He actually prefers sinners who after sinning hasten to repent for their sins and seek God’s guidance.
Please consider this and seek assistance from friends and family or if you are not comfortable with talking to people you know seek help from professionals that are there to provide you support and guidance.
Anonymous
My dear sister/brother,
The Love, Compassion and Wisdom of God/Allah shine clearly through every response I’ve read. Close your eyes, and see these many women (and men?)–myself included–gathered about you, loving the precious child of God/Allah that you are, laying hands upon you and asking our Creator to give you the courage to resist this pull to end your earthly life. All of us understand to one degree or another. You do not walk this journey alone.
You probably are aware that this pull does not come from God, but from the Dark One who fears the good that God has placed within you. God/Allah created you in love, gave you birth into this world with your own mission to help bring about a more just and loving world, and desires to see you accomplish it. Since a just and loving world is the last thing the Dark One wants to see happen, of course he is tempting you to abandon your mission. The way he can ensure that you will not do God’s Will is to prompt you to end your life. If you do this, you give the Dark One a win–and God/Allah loses a round. (Thinking about Satan winning over God because of me always strengthened my resolve!)
Fatima’s advice to call HOTLINE is spot on. Please do so if you haven’t already.
Remain secure in the knowledge that your sisters and brothers in God/Allah are cheering you on. We have faced the same Enemy, and we have prevailed–with the strength that God/Allah gives us through others. You, as we have before you, have cried out, and God has heard us. We live, we go about our missions for God, and we are here for you. You will also live, and go about your mission for God/Allah, and you, too, will be available for others.
Oh…and sin? No biggie. That’s part of the human condition. We all sin. We all fall flat, cry because we hurt, and then try to scramble to our knees and get up. Sometimes we need to reach for a hand to help pull us up.
Have you ever watched a baby learning to walk? She falls, looks around, tries to decide whether to cry depending on what she sees in the faces around her…and our hearts go out to her in loving compassion. We’ve all been there. We know she will learn to walk. We have, and we’ll help her. And that’s how I see God/Allah, watching us, loving us, with us as we fall, there to help us get up, there to help us try again, knowing we’ll fall again, but that’s all part of the process of learning. And loving us through it all, no matter how many falls…unconditionally loving us all the while, forever and always, with no stops and restarts, but endlessly and eternally.
One thing I’ve learned, and it gives me joy whenever I think of it, is that we have no way of knowing what amazing gifts God/Allah has waiting for us out of our immediate sight. For example, I would not have met my soulmate, have discovered my own mission, and be living a happy, fulfilling life had I succumbed to temptation when I was at the bottom of the pit. Hold on to TRUST (which is difficult at this point, I know too well). You will come through this. You will become the person God/Allah created you to be, and you will accomplish the mission that God/Allah has given you. The world will become a better place because of you. Keep this in your heart, and know that with God/Allah’s help it will become true.
I love you, and I am praying for you. And I will be attending this space to see you break free of the “snare of the fowler.” When I was going through my own private hell some years ago, Psalm 91 of the New American Bible helped immensely in giving me the strength I needed to allow God to bring me through–and to the blessing-filled life I share with my husband and so many wonderful friends. You, too, may find yourself committing certain lines to memory:
1 2 You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,
2
Say to the LORD, “My refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust.”
3
God will rescue you from the fowler’s snare, from the destroying plague,
4
Will shelter you with pinions, spread wings that you may take refuge; God’s faithfulness is a protecting shield.
5
You shall not fear the terror of the night nor the arrow that flies by day,
6
Nor the pestilence that roams in darkness, nor the plague that ravages at noon.
7
Though a thousand fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, near you it shall not come.
8
You need simply watch; the punishment of the wicked you will see.
9
You have the LORD for your refuge; you have made the Most High your stronghold.
10
No evil shall befall you, no affliction come near your tent.
11
3 For God commands the angels to guard you in all your ways.
12
With their hands they shall support you, lest you strike your foot against a stone.
13
You shall tread upon the asp and the viper, trample the lion and the dragon.
14
Whoever clings to me I will deliver; whoever knows my name I will set on high.
15
All who call upon me I will answer; I will be with them in distress; I will deliver them and give them honor.
16
With length of days I will satisfy them and show them my saving power.
Love, Peace, Joy and Blessings,
Your Sister
Anonymous
Salaams,
I won’t say much because a lot of people have said more than I could possibly add to the conversation. I wrote a song a while ago that I feel is appropriate for this moment. It’s called looking glass. It has a bit to do with this because I know how it feels to feel like you’ve done so much that Allah couldn’t forgive you, that he couldn’t love you anymore. That even with all his mercy why would he waste that on me, I’m not worthy of it. But those in the most error, who did the most wrong, Allah is waiting for them to turn to him. If he would send pharaoh two prophets and all those miracles, all those signs, and chance after chance to changes his ways. Even up until the last moment, who am I and my sins? I still get hard on myself about my short comings. I felt many time pushed to the point that I to wish to just be gone. But I’m reminded that he will carry me, he will sustain me, and he won’t neglect me. Even if his mercy doesn’t come in the form I wanted or felt I needed. He sends what HE knows I truly need. I had and still have to remain patient to go through the process. But don’t be alone with this, seek out help from people you know, love, and trust who are near. Someone who can hold your hand through the pain. Last thing I’ll say is what Imam Siraj Wahhaj said once about taking your own life, was to not make a permanent solution for this temporary problem. So here’s the song, hope it helps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mJpNfEpPVc
Anonymous
There are some pretty great responses on this comment section, but I think the first and foremost thing that you need to be reminded of is your beauty. You are beautiful. Inside and out, Allah has dignified you as an individual, just remember that. You are beautiful.
Anonymous
Dear Brother/Sister,
You MUST know that Allah is all-forgiving, right? We must trust HIM and believe in HIS promise to forgive us when we go astray. The important thing is for us to remind ourselves of His love and mercy towards us. We may feel we are unworthy, but He knows of our shortcomings and has promised to guide us if we only come to Him for guidance.
You are SO fortunate to have found Islam and all it has to offer, alhamdulillah! Don’t lose faith in who you are! You are loved by the One who means the most–Allah (SWT). Never underestimate that love….
You are in my prayers.
Anonymous
Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Allaah is Most-forgiving and Often-returning. He does not tire, so no matter how many times we mess up, we have the potential for recovery. And no matter how tremendous the sin, we can repent.
I have been there. Shaytaan is trying to keep you from letting your inner awesome shine. He wants you to think you are not worthy. But Allaah has already favored you, so that’s a moot point.
My advice– Do whatever worship you find easiest to do–and do a lot of it. For example, if you can pray, pray a lot. If you can fast, fast a lot. Can’t do that. Spread the salaams. Give gifts. Clean something up, seeking His pleasure. Feed others. These acts feed the spirit and fortify the faith. Never give up hope.
I hope we meet one day. I won’t know you, but my heart will “Know” you. Your sister.
as786
Salaam dear brother/sister,
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are experiencing right now, but first, know that you are not alone. While you have a communal reputation to protect, there are other avenues– like this one that you have found– to open up to people who care about you. And we all really do. Even though we don’t know you, you are precious to us, as every life is. You are such a special person, especially to Allah who bestowed upon you the gift of faith. Coming to the faith is such a beautiful blessing, and one I know you are truly worthy of because Allah does not make mistakes.
That said, we face so many trials in life. These are our tests from Allah. They are our tests of faith to remind us to turn to Him because He is indeed there waiting for us. Allah tells us:
“And when My servants question you concerning Me, then surely I am near. I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls unto Me. So let them listen to My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright” (2:186).
Allah knows our suffering, what is in the deepest recesses of our heart.; He is closer to us than our jugular vein: “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein” (50:16).
We just have to turn to Him. And although we feel ashamed of our wrongdoings– and trust me, you are not alone there; we have all committed them– we must trust in the mercy of Allah:
“Say: O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful” (39:53).
My dear, we cannot despair in the mercy of Allah– to do so is almost to deny Allah’s mercy and to deny that His boundless Mercy is incapable of embracing us and our sins. How can that be? Allah’s Mercy is more vast than we could ever imagine, and even we can be forgiven if we turn sincerely to Allah and make the intention to cease to commit these wrongdoings after our repentance. And if we falter, we turn to Him again sincerely, and He will be there waiting.
This Hadith Qudsi very beautifully illustrates Allah’s mercy:
“O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it.”
Allah is capable of forgiving any sin; all you have to do is turn to Him. And I know you want to– you have already taken this courageous first step of reaching out for help. Now Allah is waiting for you. He loves you so much. He will wash away your wrongdoings, your suffering, your pain. The challenges probably will not go away overnight, but they will with time. Allah tells us, “For indeed in hardship, there will be ease. For indeed in hardship, there will be ease” (94:5-6).
As soon as you turn to Him, the moment you are in sujud before Him, insha’Allah some relief will wash over you. But give it time and keep turning. One scholar remarked that when Allah does not answer our prayers right away it is because He loves us and wants to hear us calling to Him over and over. So keep calling, and insha’Allah as He has promised, Allah will respond. And we are here for you. I hope you are able to reach out to some loved ones in person, but in any case, we are here for you as a community– an anonymous community– and we are eagerly awaiting hearing from you again.
With love and prayers.
Anonymous
Asalaamu alaikum dear brother/sister, May Allah’s Peace be upon you.
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Surah Az Zumar – 39:53)
This ayah/verse always brings me comfort. It’s a commandment of our Lord that we should not despair in the mercy of Allah. In other words, God is telling us never to feel as though Allah will not have mercy on us for our wrongdoings because we feel they are too grave. If you think about it, it is as if one is limiting Allah’s mercy to think in such a way. Not only that, what follows is all encompassing: so not only should we never lose hope in Allah’s mercy upon us, but he clarifies it further that He forgives ALL sins. Period.
We just have to ask for forgiveness sincerely, and make the intention to avoid making the same mistake again. If we slip and make the same mistake again, we can ask for forgiveness again, and again, so long as we have the sincerity.
Allah did not ordain Islam upon humanity for us to feel like we’re not good enough to be among the Muslims. Islam is here to MAKE us good people. Oftentimes, I think we hear about how the sahabah (companions of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) were pre-Islam) did a lot of bad things, including burying their own daughters alive. Much of it stopped upon them becoming Muslim, but, what I think we should also remember is that people struggled AS Muslims during the time of the Prophet too. Drinking, fornication, etc. still existed, even though they were Muslim and it was outlawed, but the Prophet (S) had compassion for them and helped them through it and encouraged others to help them too.
Brother/sister, I strongly believe that leaving Islam is not the answer, nor taking your own life. If you see the beauty and good in Islam, and truly believe that our Creator ordained this religion for us, then follow the path that Allah has given us. He created us, He wants good for us and knows what is best for us.
I can really relate to you when it comes to speaking to people about your problems and having a reputation that you feel conflicts with seeking help, but inshaAllah this forum is a means for you to get support. The Quran & sunnah have answers to all of life’s problems. Even general books, articles, videos, etc. that aren’t necessarily written by Muslims can be of help too. We should take good wherever we find it.
This life will one day only seem like a few days to us, it’s temporary and brief. So lets endure and struggle to pass this test in hopes of our permanent home, where we will find true happiness that is unending, where we can see our Creator. May Allah grant us Paradise.
P.S. – If you’d like to hear a beautiful recitation of the ayah mentioned above: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAUijOoa9Ns.
sq
Salaams my dear brother/sister,
While you may feel like you are at an all time low and at a moment of desperation, your post last night demonstrates just the opposite. The courage and strength it must have taken to write that post is beautiful and is truly the first step.
I want you to know a few things…
One, is that your not alone. In your post you mentioned that you feel like you couldn’t turn to anyone you knew; however I hope that the number of responses here tells you otherwise. Your brothers and sisters are here for you and we are here to help and support you.
Two, know that nothing is bigger than Allah’s mercy. It’s this thought that offers me comfort in times of difficulty. These sins that haunt you and make you feel terrible are not at all sins, rather they are Allah asking you to turn to Him and seek His mercy and seek the tools He has provided to you. No matter what you do, Allah’s mercy will always be there. Someone once told me that it is Allah’s mercy that lies between this world and the next. When you look at Surah Fatiha, Allah says “Praise be to Allah Lord of the Worlds. The most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. Master of the Day of Judgement.” Here, in between this World and Judgement is Allah’s mercy. His mercy will help you through this. And remember, His mercy is partly manifested in the tools he has given you to help yourself, tools like the hotline “Fatima” provided in her response. So please please be sure to use them.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Remember that Allah will never place a burden on someone more then he/she can handle. You can get through this, I have no doubt.
Anonymous
Assalamualaikum my dear son/daughter. I feel so close to you although we never see each other face to face. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write because I want you to know that you are never alone. Allah is always with you and He is sending all of us, your family, to give you support in your time of need. We love you for Allah’s sake and pray that you will stay strong and remember Allah much. Say: YA LATIFF, as much as you can, wherever you are for Allah is the Most Subtle and works in the most subtle way.
Remember also, Shaitan is our avowed enemy, so DO NOT LISTEN TO HIS WHISPER.
In Sya Allah, this phase will pass and you will come out stronger. Put your trust only on Allah, all others you must check.
Much Love from Mom
Anonymous
Remember this critical point: Allah’s mercy is far greater than any number of sins you have committed. Do not doubt His ability and willingness to forgive completely. Allah’s forgiveness is pure and free from grudges and lingering animosity. Call out to Allah using his names Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim in sincere dua and ask for forgiveness and steadfastness in the deen. Remember that any suicidal thoughts and thoughts drawing you away from Islam and telling you that you are not “worthy” of Islam are whisperings of shaytaan. Do not fall into his trap. There is always hope and there is always a chance to turn your life around. Judging by your request for help, you have already taken the first step towards change.
anonymous
You don’t yet know what wonderful gifts you have to give.
All those people around you that look so together are not.
You have only begun life as an adult with the power to choose. We all make bad choices on occasion. Sometimes even in the name of faith.
The pain of feeling like you just aren’t what you think you should be is very hard to endure. Try to forgive your past sins and listen closely to the Allah we all carry in us. Think about your sins and decide if you could have done better and how, then you will not have sinned without a purpose. Perhaps one or two of them were not sins at all; Allah is bigger than any book.
Use the teachings as a very good guide. Let Allah guide your life from within at times when the path is not clear.
Sometimes who we are doesn’t mesh with who our community wishes we were, and who we would like to be. This will happen a lot in life.
Go for a walk and look at the beautiful world how intricate and detailed it is, how complex. Look at all the other people and know that you are not alone; they all carry some sin. They are all conflicted. Yet they are beautiful and Allah loves them.
Endure this pain and become strong with it. Life has gifts for you that you cannot imagine yet. It will bring you more pain, yes, and life will also bring you wonders and joy.
Someday you will be a comfort to someone if not now, a hero, a mentor, a friend. Having gone through this you may be the one person that will be able to help another who needs help like you do now. It would be selfish to deprive the world of the person you are meant to become.
Stick around and see the many wondrous gifts life will bring. If upon contemplation your true path takes you in a different direction than those around you, then follow the Allah in your heart rather than take your own life.
Give Allah (and yourself) the chance to show you the beautiful meaning of your purpose on this earth.
Anonymous
I have experienced similar feelings of inadequacy in myself with my own religion (which is different than Islam). But what I am realizing each day is that God loves me, despite my shortcomings. And I know that God loves you to. He wants only what is best for us because we are his children.
I went through the darkest time in my life several years ago and what I learned from the experience is that time is a great healer. Time. I wanted so often to fast-forward my life to get past my hurt and sorrow but honestly for me it was like walking through fire and transforming into someone stronger. God will never give us more than we can bear; I do believe that. But he will test and try us continually to make us stronger. I still feel sadness every now and again that’s okay.
Accept what life has to offer and tackle it head on. Go after what you want even if it seems insurmountable. Let guilt go. Guilt used to bring me to my knees and feed my unhappiness. We’re all only human. We make mistakes. Each of us needs to find peace individually and only you will know and realize what brings you happiness.
Give yourself some time and follow your happiness. Don’t let others or religion dictate right and wrong for you. Determine it for yourself and with your God. Let time heal your heart and your life. Allow God to take your hand and walk with you through your trials and triumphs.
I wish you only the best as you go through this difficult time in your life. Look to your friends and your support group and your God to carry you through.
Anonymous
Asallamu Alaikum,
First thing I’d like to ask you to do: breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. And then thank Allah that you have been given the opportunity to breathe.
Secondly, you and I, we are human. Humans err. I’m not perfect. You are not perfect. Honestly, I am so far from perfect that I cannot even begin to explain it right now. But you need to breathe and listen and think for just one second. Umar ibn Al-Khattab was a great man during the time of the Prophet Muhammad SAW. But even at one point on his life, he was the one man who hated the Prophet SAW more than anyone we know. So much so, that one night he made up his mind to go and kill the Prophet SAW. Imagine something so horrific! It is against human nature to kill another man and yet, Umar ibn Al-Khattab was out for our beloved Prophet’s blood. However, it was by Allah’s grace and mercy that Umar RA was guided. That very same night, upon arriving at the doors to where the ProphetSAW was, Umar RA had a change of heart and took the shahadah. Allah SWT forgave him of all his sins.
You are not any less than any one of us on this forum or any less than anyone in general. Allah SWT looks at each of us individually and He knows your pain and your struggle. But my dear, life is a test. It is not easy. Our job is to either pass the test in Allah’s eyes or fail it. Right now, it sounds like your test is the same as mine once was. I had and to this day, still have, everything that I could have ever dreamed of. Yet, I was still in your boat. But knowing what we know about taking our own life and how it is forbidden, just the knowledge of that would frighten me enough to cry a bucket load of tears. I did not ask for forgiveness then because I still had animosity in me. For what though, I do not know. I may never know. But I was not at peace with myself. Slowly, though, I came back to prayer. You do not need to be extreme in anything that you do. Prayer is a pillar of our faith. There is reasoning behind that. Once your head touches that ground in sujud, you are in the utmost form of humility possible in front of your Lord. Talk to Him. Tell Him of your fears and doubts. Open up to Him, because only He alone answers prayers. All of us can help you to realize that but you need to put the words in to practice. Sajdah is the greatest gift from Allah SWT and we need to use it. Life is precious and so are you. I may not know you dear brother/sister, but you are not alone. I can promise you that much. You have all of us here at NYF and you have Allah who is there to listen to you. All of us will be waiting to hear from you in a few days so please, make sujud and pray for yourself. I am praying for you. May Allah SWT make this time of pain and suffering easy on you. You had the strength to come ask for help and that means more than you can know.
Anonymous
Hello Sister/Brother,
I cannot imagine the pain you are going through and I don’t know what you have done to feel so lowly about yourself. But I do know that Allah’s capacity to forgive is far beyond the collective sins that all of us could possibly muster. Give Him a chance and He will give you many chances. The very fact that you feel bad about what you have done shows that you have good in you! You are not lost, you were/are never beyond His reach and His mercy.
You have strength in you, I see it. I see it because you are reaching out . You can do this, you can turn this around. You have already taken your first step towards inner peace.
Have patience and allow your strength to help you find the guidance that you seek.
anonymous
“The house in which the Quran is recited is spacious for the people in it and its good is abundant and the angels are present in it and the Shayateen leave it.The house in which the Book of Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, is not recited is narrow for the people in it and has little good and the angels leave it and the Shayateen are present in it.”
Anonymous
Remember that all strength and power is from Allah so gain strength in constant zikr (rememberance) of Allah. Also remember the ayat 13:28 “…for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction”. May Allah give you strength and peace during this difficult time, ameen.
Remember, He brought you to this and He will bring you through it. Trust Him.
Anonymous
Salaams,
Here are a few powerful duas, ayats, etc that I find helpful during difficult times:
“Surely with every difficulty there is relief.
Surely with every difficulty there is relief.”
Al- Quran [Al Inshirah, 94:5-6]
La hawla wa la quwata illa billahi (there is no strength or power except from Allah) – doing constant zikr of this gives me inner strength and peace of heart that Allah will help me
Astaghfirullah al adhzeem (I ask Allah,The Almighty, for forgiveness, ) – doing constant and sincere zikr of this cleanses us of our sins and reminds me that Allah is Almighty and I should have imaan in His Forgiveness so I sincerely ask Him for forgiveness…even the Prophet (SAW) used to ask forgiveness at least 70 times a day to remind us to do so because we are human and apt to making mistakes
Ya Muqalibul Quloob Thabit Quloobana aala deenik (Oh Turner of Hearts, make firm our Hearts on Your deen) – This is a dua the Prophet (SAW) used to make. I like to repeatedly make this dua daily to help me stay firm on His deen. It also gives me inner strength when I pray for this from Allah because it reminds me that for Allah all things are possible so if I make dua to Him then inshaAllah He will hear my call and answer my dua.
Rabbana la tuzigh quloobana ba`da idh hadaytana wa hab lana milladunka rahmah innaka antal Wahhab (Our Lord!, Let not our hearts deviate after Thou hast guided us, but grant us mercy from Thine own Presence; for Thou art the Grantor of bounties without measure [Quran 3:8]) – I like to follow up the previous dua with this one. This is also one of the duas of the Prophet (SAW).
Also, I try to remember the hadith of the Prophet (SAW) “Follow up a bad deed with a good deed and it will blot it out.” This encourages me to make an extra effort to do good, which in and of itself makes one feel better.
Also, here’s a link to a nice site…http://islam1.org/khutub/Good_Removes_Evil.htm
Remember, stay in constant shukr (thankfulness) of Allah, even for Him blessing you with the support you need. Doing constant zikr of Alhamdulillah (All Praise and Thanks is for Allah) will remind you that we have so much to be thankful for, including Him bringing us to this Deen which gives us hope.
Here’s another nice link about the balance of a believer between hope and fear…
http://www.the-faith.com/worship/balance-fear-and-hope/
As Salaam Alaikum (PEACE be upon you)
Anonymous
Dear Brother/Sister in Islam,
May Allah help you find your inner strength and His Nur (Light) within you and give you the support you need during this trying time.
Remember Allah constantly reminds us that He is The Bestower of Mercy, The Most/Entirely Merciful and Oft Forgiving. We are all humans and He knows we will make mistakes which is why He has told us to seek sincere forgiveness in addition to resolve to stay away from those things in the future.
A scholar once reminded us that Allah’s Mercy and Forgiveness is greater than our actions, so we should have imaan (faith) in His Mercy and Forgiveness. If we think our actions aren’t forgivable, then aren’t we thinking our actions are greater than His ability to forgive us for those actions? Of course, Allahu Akbar (Allah is Greater).
Also, just the fact that you have reached out for help means that Allah has His eye on you and loves YOU which is why He put it in your heart and created the avenue for you to get the support you need. MashaAllah, you must be doing something good because He is still guiding you and He guides whom He wills.
May Allah bless you with the utmost sabr (patient perseverance) and strength during this trying time.