Pure women are for pure men

Dear Fatima,

It says in the Qur’an that “Impure women are for impure men, and impure men are for impure women; pure women are for pure men, and pure men are for pure women.” [24:25]

Does that mean that for those of us who have committed wrongdoings, such as dating, will not receive righteous pure husbands/wives? What about after repentance to Allah for such sins?

Assalamu ‘alaykum,

This is a great question for a Scholar of tafseer (interpretation of Qur’an), who could tell you the context in which the verse was revealed and the way that it has been understood over the years.

I can only speak from my experience, and what that has taught me is that happiness with one’s spouse and a successful long-lasting marriage is highly dependent on: (1) whether the husband and wife share similar values & core beliefs, (2) similar ideas of what their roles are in the relationship, (3) the ability to communicate well and (4) the ability grow into better people because of being together.

So the message that I take away from the verse is that I should work on myself to be the type of person that would make a good spouse, and that would increase the chances that I would find someone who is looking for those same things.  It’s not a foolproof plan (because look at the story or Pharoah and his wife, one was a huge disbeliever, and the other was a very religious and spiritual woman), but it increases the chances because if person A is really trying to be a good person, and have good character, when they meet person B who enjoys putting other people down — person A probably won’t be interested in marrying person B.

Of course people change in their lives – look at Omar (ra) who was not a fan of Muslims in the beginning but then became one of the best and strongest supporters of the Prophet (saaws).  There is also a du’a that is often recited “O Changer of hearts, keep my heart on Your Path” that reminds us that we shouldn’t get too comfortable that we are on the right path either.  So because people change, and because Allah (swt) accepts repentence you have a chance to move from “impure” to “pure” and from “pure” to “impure.”   That means you would need to decide to work on yourself every day and ask Allah (swt) to help you stay in a place where He and you can be proud of the progress you are making and to reward that effort by giving you a spouse that is also always trying to please Him as well.

And Allah knows best.

 –       Fatima FM