Need Advice

Salam alykum

So I have two sisters , one is married on her second marriage and to me she’s not happy to the exent where she should be because she isolates her self from the world. But alhamduillah she prays and is somewhat religious but it concerns me that she doesnt want to meet people or do more to get busy with her life. She literally calls me and my mother a thousand times a day to talk but we’re busy and dont have that much time. I have no idea what to do her husband is never home is always at work. She lives two hrs away from me. Then I have another sister whos 16 she is trouble she has been bothering my mother. She claims she wants to die. I dont say this to be mean but she has the mind of a two yr old. I say this because she does things girls her age shouldnt that is not acting apporpiate in public, runs around alot. She kicks and screams when she doesnt get what she wants. Also over eats to the point where she is obese right now. My mother and I and the rest of our family and friends can’t handle her shes very difficult we wish there was someone that would take her and teach her how to behave and act like a muslimah should because she honestly can not. She disrespects my parents, she does things I cant even find words to describe. Its behind ridiculous. Please help me out. I care for my family and especically my mother because she wants to run away literally run away. She will and wont care. My mother cant handle both my sisters who keep bothering her. I need advice/solution.

Jazakuallahu krair.
ps. sorry for my poor grammer, didnt have enough time to revise. Hope you understand what I am trying to say inshallah.

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Dear Need Advice,

Assalamu ‘alaykum,

It really sounds like you are surrounded by three women who are all experiencing challenges and are all leaning on you for support.
My gut tells me there’s more to this story, but I will stick to what you included in your post.

The symptoms you are describing in all three (both your sisters and your mom) tell me that they may be depressed and each need help in their own way.  This is way too much for you to be able to take care of on your own.  I would recommend that you start with getting support yourself (a school counselor or professional therapist) so that you can have an outlet to talk about how all of this is affecting you and your view on life.

Second, your sister saying she wants to die should not be taken lightly.  In fact, it could be something that she tries to make a reality and she needs to be helped right away.  Whether that means family counseling, or individual counseling is up to you, but she needs to be assessed for suicidal thoughts and behavior right away.  In that spirit, anything dangerous should be kept out of her room or any other location that she could have access to.  You can go to crisislink.org to get a list of things to watch out for.  You can even call the hotline and describe to them what she is saying and doing and they can tell you if she needs to go to the emergency room.

Third, your older sister.  She sounds like she has no social circle and is relying heavily on you and your mom.  If that is because she is depressed and doesn’t feel like going out or has lost interest in the things she loves is one thing.  If she’s shy and hasn’t made friends in her new location, then that’s something different.  Since I don’t know what her situation is, I would encourage you to nudge her to get support from sources other than you. Some suggestions could be online communities, book clubs, etc.  If there are other things going on for her, then she should consider getting support from a therapist as well while she figures out how to manage what she is feeling.

Your mom sounds like she is either in denial about the seriousness of the situation or is depressed herself.  I don’t have enough information to say.  I also wonder how your dad fits into this picture.

With this many people in your family showing symptoms of some sort or another, I would highly recommend family counseling because there appear to be things going on in the way that all of you have learned to live with one another that may need some adjusting.  I hope you are able to convince people to get help, and that you don’t burn out.

– Fatima FM

[If you would like us to refer you to a therapist or even just want to talk to someone who cares, please feel free to email us your contact info, including city and state to info@nuryouthforum.org].