Me against Me

It hasn’t always been easy for me to share my story about mental illness. At times, I have denied having Bipolar Disorder. I’d argue with myself and say since I am in Remission without symptoms it is like I do not have the disease. No, Biopolar Disorder is a chronic illness that is with you even in Remission. Bipolar Remission means the illness is not on active duty, I like to call it, and is not therefore disrupting your life with taxing symptoms. Another thing I’d say is that I have Depression. I’d reason that since my Bipolar Disorder causes more depressive symptoms than manic it is more like Depression. No, Bipolar Disorder is Bipolar Disorder. The very fact that I’d say I just have Depression detracts from how difficult it is to manage Bipolar Disorder and the work I’ve done to remain in recovery. So why would I limit myself like this?

Self-doubt that stemmed from the stigma attached to having Bipolar Disorder shattered my confidence. I have lost friendships and people have shied away from me once they have found out about my illness. Bipolar Disorder has been blamed for murders and abusive behavior. I felt powerless and at the mercy of public opinion.
The truth is violent and abusive behavior is NOT a symptom of the illness. Essentially, you can be violent without a mental illness to scapegoat. There are plenty of abusive/violent people who do not have Bipolar Disorder just as they are plenty of people with Bipolar Disorder who are not abusive/violent. Every person is not the same and should not be presumed to be any “type” of way because they have a mental illness.

At the end of the day, I realize and believe to my core that I should care about only one opinion… that of our Creator. Nothing else matters. If you try to fit into society’s ever-changing mold, you will lose yourself in a whirlwind of self-doubt. The only person that was in my way was ME! I was limiting my voice and being my own worst enemy. I can not control whether someone does not want to be in my life because I have a mental illness. I can only control my actions and I refuse to let anybody take my voice away… I AM FREE!