Who is ‘me’?

Dear Fatima,
I hope you receive this message in good spirits. I myself am getting ready to take a slew of finals in the next couple of weeks — no fun! Insha’Allah, I hope that God gifts me with the tenacity and perseverance to finish off this semester strongly.

The impetus behind my post is to seek your advice on an issue I’ve been curious about for much of my life — while I’ve been dealing with this question for years, it’s recently found a way to re-introduce itself in my university life.

I am very fortunate to have grown up in a very religiously diverse family — my paternal family is entirely Muslim, but each individual family belongs to what seems to be a particular sect of Islam, which in turn leads to a sort of lifestyle-conflict between all of them. We’re quite the mixed-bag as far as our faith in Islam is concerned — we’ve got someone on every end of the Muslim spectrum!

While it really has been a blessing to grow up in such a diverse household, it’s also made it very difficult for me to discern where my own faith and beliefs lie. A faction of my family is very devoutly Sunni Muslim — complete with the hijabs, weekly masjid trips for Jummah, etc. — while another part of my paternal family belongs to the Ismaili sect and is very involved in the close-knit community they belong to. My debate lies in the fact that my faith pulls me strongly to neither end of this apparent Islamic spectrum — I neither stringently follow the principles of the Sunni or Ismaili faith, but rather seem to have selected from each those ideas and notions that seem to please my soul and fit my lifestyle:

– I do my best to pray five-times a day. I feel guilty when I don’t.
– I believe that the Aga Khan is an amazing personal and spiritual leader and travelled to see him in-person during the Golden Jubilee.
– I believe that Allah is the creator of mankind and our Universe, and that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was his ultimate messenger.
– I listen to music. A lot. Pandora’s Top 40 station on my way to class. iPod while I’m doing my homework. I truly don’t believe that there lies any sin in doing so.
– I was fortunate enough to be able to embark on the Hajj pilgrimage when I was 15 years old. It was the best experience of my life and I hope to eventually be able to embark on it again with my own family.
– I truly believe that homosexuality is a legitimate alternate lifestyle and have the utmost respect for members of the Gay, Lesbian, or Transgender community. Homophobia disgusts me.

I know, my beliefs are all over the place. But at the end of the day, it all comes to the fact that I don’t believe that I have the right to impose my system of beliefs on anyone else, ever. Human beings are autonomous and have the right to live their lives as they choose — God will ensure they reap the appropriate consequences for their actions, and that’s not my job. When my professor introduces me to her partner, I pray in my heart that the two of them have a loving relationship that lasts the test of time. The current dictatorships and monarchies that encompass much of the Middle East frighten me in their perception of Islam. When I think of an Islamic state, I think of one that is ‘open’ and ‘accepting,’ not discriminating against women by not allowing them to drive or making the outrageous claim that homosexuality doesn’t exist in their nation.

My beliefs are all over the place — but is that a bad thing? No, I don’t belong to either pole of Islam, but in this mess I have found a system of beliefs that benefits me positively. And quite honestly, I like it.

– XIV

Assalamu ‘alaykum XIV,

It sounds to me that you are doing what all individuals who are not scholars should do – you are being reflective about your beliefs, and you are asking questions to learn more about Islam.  I am not a scholar so I cannot give you the “right” and the “wrong” of it.  What I can share with you, is that staying in close contact with the Qur’an and reflecting on it helps one tune his/her internal compass.  That internal compass then helps you make your best guess when you are faced with a decision or challenge.

Another thing that has helped me with that internal compass is something called “maqaasid ash-shari’a” or the higher purposes of shari’a or Islamic law.  This was developed by a scholar as his theory of the bigger goals or principles that all Islamic laws go back to.  He also did a ranking of the principles in case there was a circumstance that required a choice between them.

The principles he came up with are: Preservation of life; Preservation of religion; Preservation of intellect; Preservation of property; Preservation of lineage.  So you can see how each of these work together to give you a rule of thumb until you can do specific study on a particular issue. For example: when you look at alcohol, it affects your personality and ability to process information, and adds to violence and traffic accidents in the community. So it violates preservation of intellect, preservation of life, and preservation of family.

There is also a difference between what an Islamic society can allow and what an individual will accept.  On a societal level, there are a lot more things to balance and take into consideration than our individual responsibility to be just, fair, compassionate, and positive members of society.  There is some discussion around that distinction by scholars who look at the different ways the Prophet Muhammad approached people when he was acting as a head of state vs. when he was acting as a teacher and guide.

So my best advice to you, is keep your internal compass strong, and keep asking questions about specific issues to those who have knowledge — and keep asking those questions until you get it.

–       Fatima FM

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Dear Who is “Me”,

I think you are ahead of most of our people in that you don’t subscribe to a label and identify yourself and your worth by it. The title ‘Muslim’ has integrity all on its own and doesn’t need a superscript of Sunni, Shia, Sufi, or any other “sect,” for that matter, to give it power. I think it’s a splendid opportunity that you have such exposure, and within your own family unit, Alhumdolilah. Inherent in that reality is the message that you have the permission to choose the path you believe in, whereas most people are terrified to challenge the information that is imprinted upon them. The end result for the latter is a sheep-like mentality that often leads to doubts in Islam and doubts about oneself eventually.

I would like to be able to tell you that there is AN authentic source in addition to the Qur’an to go to and get an absolute answer. The truth is, there absolutely is NOT. The best I believe one can do in our times where everything is mixed and mashed and all tangled up is to largely do what you are doing and not subscribe to a particular sect but to be as ‘Muslim’ as you can be. Sift through the confusion with a sincere and clean heart, which you can cultivate through self-awareness and du’a/thikr. Have an ongoing conversation with Allah, swt.

You are absolutely right, there is only one judge and you are not it. Islam is certainly the most “accepting” and “tolerant” religion ever to grace the face of the earth. However, a word of caution…Islam has necessary boundaries that we are not allowed to cross for the sake of a healthy, balanced, and empowered life that nurtures our ability to serve our purpose and achieve the ultimate state of being.

–       Fatima SY