Conflict Between Generations

I am sure each and every one of us has dealt with parents who just don’t understand us. And man, what a pain it is to try to get them to see our point!

As I’ve grown older, I slowly started to realize how easily I am convinced. And this easily being convinced thing started many many many years ago. I even remember a particular instance when I was on a road trip with my parents. There were a bunch of cows in a field and my mom told me that those cows actually go to college and come out as educated humans. Mind you, I was seven so I should have known better, but for some reason, I really did believe her until I told my aunts and uncles about it and they laughed at me. I know it sounds funny now but back then, it was serious, man! My momma told me! Why would SHE ever lie to me?!

Another time, I remember it was FIFA World Cup time and my family was a big fan of Argentina and so they told me to root for them. They told me that they’ll win no matter what and I automatically believed them. I was COMPLETELY devastated when they lost. “How could they lose?!” I thought. “My parents are ALWAYS right!”

As I got older, my sister got married off and left, I was starting to take on more responsibilities since, of course, I would eventually become the man of the house and provide for my family. But, like almost always, things didn’t go so smoothly.

I started discovering the world and, along with it, myself. I started to find my own identity. This did not bode well with my parents because they wanted me to be a certain way and I wanted to go out and discover the world!!! So every time I would ask permission to do something, they would automatically say no. I started to become rebellious. I was sick and tired of hearing no all the time.

What resulted was a life that turned upside down. I stopped believing everything my parents told me and I started doing things I should have never done. It had me stumbling over my own feet and ultimately falling on my face. I became depressed and near suicidal and found myself so completely and utterly alone.

It took me many years to pick myself back up and get to where I am today, able to write this post and share my thoughts so that maybe someone, somewhere can find some solace. Today, I can say that with a lot of motivation, self-reflection, and determination, I really have discovered myself. With my faith, I was able to look myself in the mirror and identify myself.

The struggle with parents occurs because there is a barrier between how we grow up here in the western world and how our parents grew up back home (for most of us). Because of this difference, they don’t understand us and, frankly, we don’t understand them. They are scared to death because they know what’s out there that could harm us, but they don’t know how to tackle the situation. Because of this, the complete opposite ensues.

To the many of you who struggle to communicate with your parents, find patience. Try to put yourself in their shoes and talk to them in a way that they will understand. Explain to them that the way that things are being handled is not working out, for either of you. Don’t fight. Don’t scream. I made those mistakes. I wish I hadn’t.

Pray to Allah. Seek his Guidance. Ask for forgiveness, from Him and your parents. No matter how bad your relationship with your parents might get, never let them go. Our parents want what’s best for us and a lot of times it is hard for them to let us go. It is up to us to find a balance between the two.

I say all this as a reminder to everyone of you as well as for myself, because I know that I personally struggle to communicate with my own parents in the right way.

May Allah Guide each and every one of us to treat our parents well and to always respect them. Ameen.