The Wrong Group of Friends

I looked at her everyday, longing to be like her. I wasn’t sure what I saw in her, but every bone in my body longed to be her. I looked at her long black hair and her cold eyes. Everyone was afraid of her. She could do rude things to people and get away with it. She could laugh and get away with it. She seemed to have everything and everyone in her control. Even I, a person with strong thoughts and morals was in her control.
A few weeks later, she invited me to lunch. People warned me hanging out with her was the wrong Idea. I thought they were jealous. I went to lunch with her. I expected us to talk about school and just regular things. She immediately started talking bad about others and saying rude things about my friends. “Don’t you agree?” she said in a tone that was so intimidating. I nodded my head silently. I had a huge hole in my stomach and I regretted hanging out with her. As much as I wanted to be hold that kind of power, i knew this wasn’t me.
Weeks went on and the same things continued to happen. Soon enough, i had the power i was longing for. But in reality, it wasn’t power. It was anger. It was anger at the world for putting me in a group of friends that treated me so badly. I wanted to escape, but i couldn’t. I almsot felt stuck in her grip. She continued to convince me to do things i normally wouldn’t do. My old group of friends began to shy away out of fear. They were afraid of me. My best friends who used to trust me with everything were afraid of me. This was a scary thought. I let her control my life. I didn’t feel powerful at all, because she had the power to make even my decisions. Everything had backfired.
I remember crying myself to sleep wanting to get away from her and how she was making me act. She’d make me call people names that I knew weren’t true. She made me laugh at my own friends. I was too embarrassed of my own actions to go back to my friends and apologized. I became of a bully with no power over her own decisions.

I soon learned that the power i longed for wasn’t power at all. Luckily I broke free from her, but the power i always admired in her eyes was just anger. I had a power much more important. I had the power to make good choices. I had the power to make good friends. I had the power to hang out with who i wanted. I had the power of God on my side. I had all the power in the world, and I wasn’t going to let anyone pressure me into acting the way i did. Because in reality, the biggest power is the power of being who you are. When I let her ways shape me into something i wasn’t, i was powerless.

i’m me, and that’s the most powerful thing i can be.