Never Been Kissed

Dear Fatima,

I’m almost 18 years old and I have never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, and I have never been on a date. It is mostly because of my faith. There have been many guys who have been interested in me but I’ve refused them. However, growing up in America and being a high school student, saying you’ve never been kissed is like saying you’re a cannibal. People would think you’re a freak and you’re ultimately singled out from the other students. There’s a lot of pressure, especially at this age when all of us just want to fit in and find our place in the school and eventually find our place in the world. Being probably one of the only students in my school who has willingly maintained abstinence, I feel like such an odd-ball and outcast. There are times I am proud of myself and my decisions, and all the same, there are times I wonder why I make my life so difficult. It’s so much more easy to do what everyone else is doing. I want to feel accepted. What should I do?

-Never Been Kissed

Dear Never Been Kissed,

The fact that you’ve grown up in America and have “never been kissed” at your age by all means makes you an exception to the norm, and for that, first I have to give you huge props!! Looks like you’ve gotten through the crazy “hormonal” middle school years and the extreme peer pressure high school years with an immense degree of self-worth, security and confidence. Now the key is for this “true you”, the one you have been all these years, to NEVER lose sight of yourself! Believe me, it won’t be easy, the same way it wasn’t easy when you stood out because of these things, as well as many others I’m sure, in the past. But I bet you’re a pretty well liked person. Why do you think that is? Most kids, like many people in general, unfortunately out of their own insecurities, tend to make fun of others who are secure enough to “be themselves” because they aren’t, but wish they could be, strong enough to “be themselves” as well. Ultimately though, all people, somewhere within themselves, are attracted to others who are secure, confident and persistent enough to live their lives based on their beliefs, values and what they stand for. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed you to be one of these people, and as long as you maintain this “true you”, you will not only always find yourself to feel a sense of self-worth and be internally at peace, but eventually, as the years pass, you will realize that you have also become a role model for others more than you can ever imagine!

– Fatima AC

P.S. You might also like the Personal Reflection video titled “This is me”.

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Dear Never Been Kissed,

The assumption here is that you are making your life more difficult. There certainly is a challenge here, one of peer pressure, not fitting in, and the struggle to value something that is devalued by the society around you, behaving modestly. However, ultimately, Islam makes life easier by leading you away from the pitfalls that engaging in dating and sexual behaviors will beget. These include emotional, physical, social, and spiritual repercussions. In certain respects, you ARE an “oddball” and an “outcast,” and that is a tremendous trial. But your instincts are telling you that there is purpose in this conscious abstinence…trust your instincts.

– Fatima SY

[If you would like us to refer you to a therapist or even just want to talk to someone who cares, please feel free to email us your contact info, including city and state to info@nuryouthforum.org].